Buttercup and Enigma
by violette7
Summary: Justin writes gay romance stories and posts them online. Brian is his number one fan. As you'll see, Brian and Justin's histories are a bit different, though similar, to those from canon. Hope it's not too weird.
1. Leaving Lurkerdom

Justin had a secret that he kept from everyone (not that that list was long), especially his boyfriend, Ethan. He had adopted an online persona and wrote romantic, and often smutty, stories about gay men falling in love. No one he knew would understand his reasons for doing so, and he wouldn't want them to understand. He didn't want anyone to know how unhappy he was. He couldn't even say it out loud. It was something buried deep in the darkest part of his heart. Why? Admitting it to himself out loud and to everyone else would mean that he'd have to leave Ethan, and he was too frightened to ever do that. After he'd come out, he'd lost everything. Everyone he'd cared about had effectively dismissed him. Every once in a while, he'd receive a call or an email from his mother or sister, but he could tell that they only bothered to keep in touch with him because they thought they should. The only person willing to stay in Justin's life on a regular basis was his boyfriend. His boyfriend was selfish, habitually cruel, and a mediocre lover at best. But Justin knew that Ethan wouldn't leave him; Ethan was not repulsed by him.

Sometimes, Justin thought that his boyfriend only kept him around because he took great care of him, making meals, doing the laundry, washing dishes, and bringing in more than half of their income. But he was not much better. He wasn't in love with Ethan and probably never had been. He was not even attracted to him anymore, not that he'd been very attracted to him in the first place. Justin had met Ethan when he was in a bad place, and they'd developed a relationship based on convenience and codependence. He wished he had the courage to leave. He thought about leaving all the time. But he just couldn't. Instead, he wrote about the love and passion he craved so much. So much that he fantasized about it all the time. Unfortunately, Justin's subconscious would not cooperate. He usually dreamed about reality, often waking up in tears (sometimes sobbing).

**********

Brian had developed a habit he'd never acknowledge out loud: reading gay romance stories online. They were written by amateurs, but many were quite good. Some were even brilliant. In particular, Brian enjoyed stories written by someone who called himself Buttercup. They were always stories about love overcoming all obstacles, usually love found in the unlikeliest of places. Who would ever believe that Brian-Fucking-Kinney, the stud of Liberty Avenue, would spend several nights a week indulging in fantasies about true love and destiny? No one who claimed to know him. They were unaware that, deep down, Brian craved love as much or more than most. He wanted to find his soul mate, but he never thought he would, and, if he did, he was sure he'd screw it up. He couldn't bring himself to believe that he was worthy of the kind of love he desired. But that didn't mean he didn't believe it existed, even though that's exactly what he told his friends and family when the subject arose.

Brian was a lurker. He'd read many, many stories, but he'd never left reviews. In his mind, doing so would make his habit real, and he was more than a little embarrassed. However, tonight was different. Tonight, he was so pleased with what he'd read that he just couldn't help it. Buttercup didn't allow people to leave reviews on his Web site. Instead, he directed readers to email him at . So Brian did just that. But he set up a special email account first. One using his screen name.

From:

To:

Date: Thu, June 12, 2003 at 4:54 am

Subject: Innocence

Buttercup,

I'm new to this. I've read all your stories, but I have never written a review. I'm not sure what possessed me to do so tonight. Okay, maybe I do. I guess I can identify with one of your main characters in "Innocence," Aidan. It's nice to see that, at least in your imagination, a person like Aidan, who has been kicked around his whole life and who walled off his emotions as a result, a man who has fucked more men than he can count, could find love, and not just love but true love (with a beautiful, passionate, and talented man, a man who is so innocent, everything Aidan is not). Please keep writing. I always wait impatiently for your next installment, your next story.

Just out of curiosity (tell me to fuck off if you want), why Buttercup? Are you blond? Did you always have a 'thing' for buttercup flowers as a kid? Or are you a Gilbert and Sullivan fan?

Enigma


	2. The Sweet Anonymity of the Internet

A/N: The first part of this chapter may be disturbing. J/E sex is alluded to...so read with caution (I hope that it's not so bad as you imagine. I added some fantasy to make it less upsetting).

Justin cringed. He could tell that Ethan wanted to fuck him. He was walking around the apartment naked again and calling him "baby." Justin stopped writing, but didn't move from his chair. It was better that Ethan did not see the look of apprehension on his face. Soon, Ethan was rubbing his shoulders and talking dirty to him. Justin tried to drown out his touches and the disgusting words that accompanied them (Justin liked dirty talk, but not Ethan's sad attempts) with images of Aidan leaning over him as he napped on the couch. In this fantasy, Justin could tell Aidan was near, even though he was sleeping, because he could smell him, cigarettes, coffee, and Aidan musk.

"Aidan," he would breathe.

His eyes fluttering open, he gently caressed Aidan's face and gazed into hazel eyes, hazel eyes that penetrated his soul.

"Fuck, you're beautiful," Justin whispered, his voice filled with anguish and desire (In this fantasy, he didn't yet know that Aidan wanted him, that Aidan was in love with him).

"Do you mean it?"

"What?" Justin answered, his eyes clouded with confusion.

"That you think I'm beautiful…"

Justin replied, a little sharply, "I may be pathetic, but I don't lie." He stood up and turned away. He couldn't look at Aidan right now. Not after he'd made himself so vulnerable. Let him know just how much he adored the man.

"You aren't pathetic," Aidan replied softly. He turned the blond around gently and took Justin's hand, placing it on his chest. Justin could feel Aidan's heart pounding hard and fast.

Justin gazed into Aidan's eyes, trying to understand. What he saw there floored him.

His chest ached with desire and…hope…Did Aidan want him? Maybe even love him?

Overwhelmed by pent up longing and sadness, Justin continued to stare into hazel depths as he unzipped and unbuttoned Aidan's jeans. Aidan slowly removed his white wife beater. Justin ran his fingers lightly over Aidan's bronze muscled chest and, then, fell to his knees, as though in a trance. He licked, sucked, and stroked Aidan's cock desperately, wanting so much to make him moan, to give him more pleasure than anyone else had ever given him. He had little experience, but he wanted to touch, kiss, suck, and lick him everywhere, wanted the same from Aidan. He wanted so much that he couldn't even put it all into words; he just wanted. Every fiber of his being longed for Aidan.

Justin shoved Ethan's clammy, unskilled hand away from his cock and stopped sucking on Ethan's.

Trying to sound sincere, he moaned, "I want to cum while you're inside me."

Justin flipped over onto his stomach and tried to imagine that, after Aidan had shot into his mouth, moaning loudly as he did so, and stood in the middle of the living room holding him for a few long moments, he'd whispered, "I want to be inside you." Ethan's thrusts were Aidan's. Aidan was pumping him sinuously. Aidan could easily find his sweet spot and hammered it mercilessly.

Justin moaned, "Fuck, yeah," adding "Aidan" in his head.

He picked up his cock, which Ethan always neglected during sex, so deluded that he thought he could make his boyfriend come without touching it, and started stroking it. Imagining that it was Aidan's strong hand dexterously working his dick.

Justin moaned, "Fuck, oh fuck me!" (Aidan) and came hard. Ethan soon followed. Justin rolled over and nearly puked when he saw the complacent look on Ethan's face.

He thought bitterly, "Yeah, you da man, Ethan. Not!"

Justin said, "That was great, but I need to clean up and get back to work" and slowly walked to the bathroom, though he wanted to run. Once there, he tried unsuccessfully to quell the urge to cry. He sat in a corner, knees up to his chest, his body shaking slightly as silent sobs racked his body, tears filling his eyes. He cursed himself for being a coward, for not being the boyfriend he should be, for being unlovable. Once he recovered, he washed Ethan's sweat off him and returned to his computer.

What's this? A new review from some man named Enigma. Justin smiled brightly. This man had read all his stories and eagerly awaited more, and, not only that, he identified with Aidan. The thought made Justin feel warm all over. How long had he wished Aidan were real and not the product of his imagination? This man had written that he was glad someone like Aidan could find love…but why wouldn't he be able to? Justin wasn't sure how he should reply, if he replied at all. But…this man didn't know him and, most likely, never would. There was no need to be shy. Justin could finally be completely honest with someone.

From: buttercup

To: enigma

Date: Thu, June 12, 2003 at 10:01 am

Subject: Re: Innocence

Enigma,

Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm so happy to hear that you enjoy my stories.

Why shouldn't someone like Aidan find love? If he existed, I'd be instantaneously smitten. Aidan is gorgeous, sexy as hell, smooth as butter, and experienced, as well as a brilliant salesman, but one with depth and a soul. He protects what he loves with everything he has and faces the world bravely, never once denying who he is or what he wants. Aidan's lover, though beautiful, sweet, and artistic, is sexually inexperienced and jaded, no longer willing to face the world. He withdraws into his art because that is the only time he truly feels alive and safe. Then, he meets Aidan, and his world is never again the same.

Buttercup is the name of my favorite Powerpuff Girl. She, despite her small stature, is tough, brave, and loving (though, sometimes, she seems cruel and is occasionally selfish).

Buttercup

Taking a deep breath, Justin clicked 'Send.' Maybe he should have restrained himself. Now he'd be a wreck until the man responded. He was nervous, but excited, too.

*****

Brian read the email Buttercup had sent him for the tenth time since he'd received it two days ago. He wasn't sure what to make of it or how to respond. He sensed that Buttercup was being honest, saying everything and then some, if you counted what he didn't realize he was sharing. Brian perceived great loneliness and sadness in that email, which made him feel oddly protective.

Buttercup had taken the name of someone he'd described as being "tough, brave, and loving." People generally selected the names of those they admired, people they were not, but wished to be. There was no doubt in his mind that Buttercup was a loving person. He couldn't write the stories he did if he weren't. So he probably thought of himself as weak and cowardly. Did he identify with Aidan's lover, James? James was, after all, extraordinarily shy and timid. He locked himself away because he was afraid to be himself, afraid to trust; he was sure that he'd be rejected or otherwise hurt if people knew who he really was, if he really let anyone in. But he was such a beautiful person, inside and out. Loving and devoted to a fault. Talented, interesting, and funny. Sweet. What was so monstrous about any of that? Course, Brian couldn't really blame James. You never knew what was real about people. Those you cared about most, trusted most, often caused you the most harm, the deepest pain imaginable.

He wanted to believe that what Buttercup had said about Aidan applied to him, but he knew well enough that he didn't deserve to be loved or admired. Sure, he was successful, and most men and women drooled over him, but no one he knew loved the 'real' Brian or even knew the 'real' Brian. If they did, they'd probably be horrified. That or they'd laugh. An advertising dynamo, Brian knew all too well that everything was about presentation. Downplaying or hiding the negative and highlighting and accentuating the positive. On top of that, everything was about sex. You had to be attractive, confident, and coveted. It didn't hurt if you drove a hot car, had much more money than you needed, and appreciated the finer things in life. The clincher was being completely self-sufficient. Not needing anyone or anything. Brian had done all of that. His image was perfect, though people often thought he was a superficial, selfish jerk. But better that than be perceived as an ugly, penniless loser. Better that than be pitied.

Brian wondered what would happen if he were simply himself. Would Buttercup run in horror? Laugh? It was so tempting. Worst case scenario, Brian would stop corresponding with him. Buttercup would never know who he was in 'real life.' He would never have to experience rejection or insult face to face, and Buttercup couldn't 'out' him because he wouldn't know his real name.

The piercing ring of the phone pulled him from his thoughts. It was 8:00 p.m. on a Saturday. It had to be Mikey. Brian sighed, let it ring a few more times, and then picked up.

"Hello."

"You took a while to answer. Are you fucking some guy?"

Brian laughed. Of course Mikey would assume that. Brian-Fucking-Kinney was always indulging in pleasure of one form or another when he wasn't working.

Brian smiled wryly and jumped into character. He purred, "Two actually." Then he barked, "So make it quick."

Mikey laughed. That was his incorrigible Brian. "I just wanted to know if you were going out tonight. That is, if you don't already have an orgy planned." With Brian, you never knew.

Hmmm. Another night of mind-numbing chatter and meaningless sex, made endurable only by alcohol and other drugs. Sounds fun, right?

"No orgy plans yet. So I'll see you at Woody's at ten."

Mikey was brimming with excitement. Just walking into the bars with Brian and talking to him occasionally afterward made him feel like one of the cool kids in high school, like he mattered.

He answered happily, "See you then, Brian."

Brian sighed. Another lonely night in his pointless existence. He decided that he would be completely honest with Buttercup. What the hell? He had nothing to lose, and he was tired of pretending.

From: enigma

To: buttercup

Date: Sat, June 14, 2003 at 8:10 pm

Subject: Re: Innocence

Buttercup,

I don't blame James for being afraid. The world is filled with fake and cruel people. If I knew a person like James, I'd do everything I could to keep him safe and happy. He's loving, devoted, talented, interesting, funny, and sweet, not to mention hot. The world needs more people like him.

I'm a little surprised that you named yourself after a cartoon character, but it's kind of cute. I admire people who can preserve enough of their childlike innocence to enjoy them. But, of course, as in everything, moderation…My best friend is a little too childlike. He's obsessed with comic books. I don't watch too much television, but I do enjoy the occasional James Dean or Marlon Brando movie.

Speaking of my best friend, I promised I'd go out to the bars with him and a couple of his friends tonight. That's what I usually do on Saturday nights. I used to really enjoy it. Being thought of as the hottest man in the club, with countless men begging to suck me off, was definitely a high. It helped me forget how much my parents and sister hated me and how lonely I was, even in crowds. But it's not as effective as it used to be. Just once, I wish someone would admire me for more than my cock size or perfect hair. But I guess I shouldn't complain. I made this life for myself. When I was a kid, it was all I dreamed of. Being praised and desired instead of being despised, bullied, or ignored. I didn't want to hide in shame. I wanted to be impervious to insults and narrow-minded bullshit. I didn't want to need anyone or anything or live a boring life. On that score, I guess I've succeeded, but I don't know. I want, but I'm not even sure what exactly. All I know is that something's missing.

Enigma

*****

Justin breathed easy for the first time that night. He'd spent the evening entertaining Ethan's friends and admirers, preparing hors d'oeuvres and smiling while feigning interest in Ethan's music. Once upon a time, he'd really been interested in his boyfriend's obsession, if only because it was something he knew little about and something Ethan loved deeply. But it was now a sore subject. Justin was tired of being snapped at or made to feel stupid if he made a comment or asked a question Ethan found inappropriate or ignorant. He was also tired of listening to Ethan ramble on for hours about music, taking little to no interest in what he found fascinating, art and writing. Now, when the subject came up, he simply smiled and nodded, all the while thinking about the plot of his next story or a painting he'd seen that day.

Justin had been particularly amused that night when one of Ethan's toadies had asked him what it was like to be the muse of such a passionate and romantic man. He'd nearly laughed out loud. He wished he knew. Ethan wouldn't know passion or romance if it bit him in the ass. For passion to exist, two people had to admire one another and know one another intuitively. The only thing Ethan admired about Justin was his ass, well, and his cooking. But that wasn't something Justin did because it fulfilled him on some emotional or spiritual level. He did it to make Ethan happy. It made his boyfriend notice his other 'failings' less, that is, his seemingly non-existent sex drive and his hermit-like nature (little did Ethan know that Justin was constantly horny, or nearly so, just not when it came to sex with Ethan. He masturbated all the time while fantasizing about Aidan). Justin cringed every time Ethan bragged about his 'little wife's' cooking. As if that's what he was about. Course, with an ego like Ethan's, a man might easily believe that other people existed only to please him. Justin wished that just once someone would be interested in more than his ass or culinary skills. That someone would actually listen when he spoke.

Justin sat down at the computer in relief. This was where he felt the most comfortable. He could engage with the world, but from a safe distance. The moment he sat down, he did what he always did after turning the computer on, he checked his email for reviews. He lived for them. His romance stories were the only 'real' area of his life (translation, important to Justin) in which anyone praised him.

But on this night, Justin felt happier than he ever had about what he found in his inbox. An email from Enigma. He'd thought for sure he'd scared the man away. He'd waited two days for a reply, but, this afternoon, not having received one yet, he'd assumed he never would. He wanted to jump for joy when he saw the email, but he was also a little scared. Would Enigma tell him that he shouldn't take his stupid little stories so seriously or that he was disappointed that Buttercup was a Powerpuff Girls fan? He should just be happy that he wasn't ignored. Whatever the email contained, Justin would be grateful for that. With trepidation, he slowly moved his mouse arrow and clicked.


	3. Come a Little Bit Closer

Justin was shocked to the core and so happy he could barely breathe. Enigma had taken everything he'd written about seriously. For a brief moment, he wished for something that had frightened him for years. He wished he could hear Enigma's voice or look into his eyes, verify the truth of what he'd written. He wanted so much to believe that it was real. To take it at face value. But, as Enigma had stated, the world was filled with fake and cruel people. Was Enigma mocking him? Just pretending to understand him, to admire him? He wished he knew. There was only one way to find out.

From: buttercup

To: enigma

Date: Sat, June 15, 2003 at 12:01 am

Subject: Stuff and Things

Enigma,

I often feel the same way. That something is missing. But emailing with you has been a real pleasure. It's made me crave things I haven't craved in years. So I have a crazy idea. How about IMing instead of emailing? I'm buttercup1983 on AIM. If you want to IM me after you get back from clubbing, I'll be up for a while. I usually do my writing at night.

Buttercup

Justin hit 'Send' and sat staring at his screen. He was actually trembling. He wanted so much for Enigma to IM him tonight. But he was scared out of his mind. What would he say to Enigma? Would he be a disappointment? Would he be disappointed? Justin usually avoided new people and people in general for this very reason.

He wasn't going to be able to write. So he padded into the kitchen and made some coffee. Then, he started cleaning up a bit, folding throw blankets, putting books back on shelves, washing some dishes. Every once in a while he'd peek at his screen. He usually kept the volume off, so Ethan wouldn't be disturbed, but he was so worried that he'd miss an IM from Enigma, worried that if he didn't respond fast enough, Enigma would sign off. He moved to turn the speaker on, but, then, thought better of it.

Instead, Justin sat down and started straightening his desk. He put his various pencils and pens in their respective cups and closed the two sketch pads that lay open from earlier, before the party, when he'd been trying to imagine what Enigma looked like. He had decided that he was most certainly lean…that his features were often filled with tension. He had drawn a few possible faces. They all looked a little like the way he imagined Aidan. He placed his sketch pads in a drawer.

Justin paused for a moment when his eyes lighted on a dry faded yellow rose. Ethan had given it to him their first year together. Back then, they didn't have a car or very much money, so Ethan would walk the two miles home from work. Every day (except in the winter), he'd bring Justin a flower he'd taken from someone's garden. They were always different. Justin sighed. Things had been much different back then. Ethan would praise his cooking (to Justin, not bragging about it to others, which was all he did now on that score) and call him 'Beautiful' like it was a pet name. He'd draw baths for Justin and, then, come into the bathroom to wash and condition his hair. After he'd stepped out and dried off, Ethan would brush his hair, which was actually pretty long. It reached his shoulders. Back then, Justin had felt loved and adored.

But he was more than a body and more than a cook and a maid. Unfortunately, Ethan didn't admire his writing or his art, such as it was. He'd never even read one sentence he'd written, and he usually pointed out the flaws in his art. The criticism was always couched in concerns about his health, but that didn't make Justin feel any better. He'd just stopped showing him his drawings. Justin blinked back tears brought on by thoughts of his drawing. Once upon a time, he could sketch anything and make it look real. Perfect. And his hand never got tired or ached. He had twenty sketchbooks filled with everything. Portraits of everyone he cared about and some of the attractive boys with whom he attended high school. Then, one night, he lost everything. Everything.

Justin was seventeen at the time. He'd finally admitted to himself that he was gay, and he'd wanted to tell the world. He'd finally made sense of the fact that he'd never seemed to fit. He'd never cared for sports, in fact, he'd loathed them, though he'd enjoyed watching the other boys practicing. He'd never had the feelings he'd thought he should have for Daphne, his girlfriend. He'd thought she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever met, inside and out, and he'd loved her. But though he'd enjoyed drawing her, giving and receiving hugs, and snuggling, he'd never really desired her. His parents were good friends with hers, and they'd often discussed Justin and Daphne's wedding. Everyone had assumed they'd get married one day. But that was never to be. Shortly before prom, he'd realized he was gay. Daphne had taken it pretty well, considering. She'd cried, mourning her hopes and dreams for the future, but, then, she'd told him that she wanted him to be happy, that she'd always be there for him. Then, she was gone. Once her parents had found out that Justin was gay, they'd sent her off to Europe. Justin's heart ached just thinking about it.

Daphne's parents had not only sent Daphne away but had also outed him to everyone. His parents, the parents of everyone at school, the school board, and his teachers. Pretty soon, he was being mocked and tormented by everyone. Especially the jocks at school. They'd started beating him up nearly every day. Back then, he'd had more courage. Despite the fact that Daphne was gone and all his friends ignored him, he'd decided to go to prom. Mostly because he didn't want anyone to think they could intimidate him. He wasn't going to just disappear. That had been a mistake. He'd gone alone and had no one to dance with, but he'd stood there all night, drinking punch and pretending to enjoy the music. When it had ended, he'd walked out to his mother's car, which he'd borrowed for the night. Chris Hobbs was waiting there for him, holding a bat. Chris wasn't his best friend, but they'd been close despite the fact that Justin liked art and Chris was all about football. Chris was one of the boys he'd drawn most often, and, once he'd admitted to himself that he was gay, he'd realized that he'd always had a crush on the boy. Imagine his surprise and horror, when this friend, this crush, had ruined his life with one swing of a bat.

Justin had been in a coma for a week. After he'd woken up, his mother visited, but just once. She'd come to check on him and to inform him that his father no longer wanted anything to do with him. Apparently, his father had begrudgingly accepted the fact that he had a gay son until news of it hit the press. When Daphne's parents had outed him, out of respect for Justin's father, they'd neglected to spread it around the country club. Some of the parents of kids from Justin's high school belonged to the country club, but they, too, kept it to themselves. So Craig had not been stigmatized for his son's orientation. In fact, the people who knew seemed to pity him. But after the bashing, everyone, everyone, knew. People who did not care for Craig had begun to taunt him, and the news was affecting his business. By the time his son had awoke from the coma, he'd already lost several important clients.

During his mother's one and only visit to the hospital in the month he was there after waking up, she'd smiled at him and brought flowers. But the smile was obviously fake. Her eyes were filled with the disappointment that had resided there since she'd found out, since she'd lost her potential daughter-in-law and had been forced to give up the pretty picture she'd painted of Justin's future. Right before she'd left, she'd hastily told him that he was on his own for college tuition. Craig had justified this move by stating that Justin's shameful secret coming to light was costing him so many clients that he could no longer afford it. However, that hadn't stopped Craig from buying a yacht later that year.

What was most painful was not his being ostracized at school, his friend's attacking him, his father's disowning him, or his mother's disappointment, but Daphne's continued absence. Surely, she'd heard news of the attack from friends or her parents. But she'd never visited. She'd never even called, written, or emailed. Nothing. It was as though everyone he'd ever cared about had erased him from their life. Like he was no longer relevant.

Then, he'd met Ethan. Ethan was in the hospital with a broken leg at the time. He'd lost a music competition, gotten too drunk, and fallen down a long staircase. They'd shared a room for the last two weeks Justin was in the hospital because Ethan's break was complicated and required him to be in traction. They'd started dating while they were still in the hospital, and, when it was time to leave, Justin went home with Ethan. And stayed.

Justin was pulled out of his sad reverie by something blinking on his screen. Holy shit! Enigma had IMed him!


	4. First Touch

Enigma69 (2:00:00): So...I'm talking to the great author himself.

Buttercup1983 (2:00:20): (blushes) I'm hardly a great author.

Enigma69 (2:01:00): Don't sell yourself short. I don't read crap.

Buttercup1983 (2:02:10): Well, I'm glad that you enjoy my stories.

Enigma69 (2:03:30): I really do, though no one I know would ever believe I read that sort of thing.

Buttercup1983 (2:03:50): (tilts head) Why?

Enigma69 (2:05:00): Most people think I'm a heartless bastard who only believes in fucking, not love.

Buttercup1983 (2:06:01): No one really knows who I am, either.

Enigma69 (2:06:20): That surprises me.

Buttercup1983 (2:06:30): Why?

Enigma69 (2:08:15): You don't seem like the kind of person who could (or would want to) pretend to be something other than you are.

Buttercup1983 (2:10:01): On what do you base that?

Enigma69 (2:14:11): Your emails and stories. You know exactly how you feel and what you want and aren't afraid to put that into what you write. Even when you don't mean to reveal everything, it comes through. For example, from your first email, I could tell that you're lonely and sad.

Buttercup1983 (2:17:01): I don't know what to say.

Enigma69 (2:18:15): You don't have to say anything. I know what you're thinking and feeling.

Buttercup1983 (2:18:35): You do?

Enigma69 (2:20:00): Yup. You're thinking, "I don't want him to pity me, but I don't want to lie," and you're feeling exposed, afraid, and insecure.

Buttercup1983 (2:23:25): How do you do that? People I've known for years or even my entire life don't read me that well, certainly not just from emails and IMs.

Enigma69 (2:28:40): I don't know. I'm pretty perceptive when I want to be...but I don't usually care enough to bother. Something about you makes me curious. I don't think I've ever wanted to understand someone the way I want to understand you. I read your first email about ten times before I knew what I wanted to say.

Buttercup1983 (2:30:01): I find you just as intriguing. I was so happy when I read your first email, and I was on pins and needles waiting for you to reply to mine. When you finally did, I almost did a happy dance. But I don't understand why.

Enigma69 (2:30:40): (chuckles) So let's lighten the mood a bit. What's your wildest fantasy?

Buttercup1983 (2:31:20): (blushes deeply) What?

Enigma69 (2:31:40): You *heard* me. What's your wildest fantasy?

Buttercup1983 (2:33:01): My wildest or my favorite?

Enigma69 (2:33:30): Hmmm...both.

Buttercup1983 (2:35:01): You don't ask for much, do you? ...and yes, I was being sarcastic.

Enigma69 (2:35:45): You forget who you're *talking* to. I could *hear* the sarcasm.

Buttercup1983 (2:36:01): (million-watt smile)

Enigma69 (2:38:00): Are you going to answer sometime tonight?

Buttercup1983 (2:38:15): Patience is a virtue.

Enigma69 (2:38:30): Not one of mine (smirks)

Buttercup1983 (2:40:20): Actually...now that I think about it, my wildest fantasy and my favorite fantasy are the same.

Enigma69 (2:40:40): ??? (sitting on the edge of my chair)

Buttercup1983 (2:42:01): To be with someone who intoxicates me with his very presence, so much so that I have an uncontrollable desire to taste and touch every single part of him. Someone who feels exactly the same way about me. We'd fuck all night (literally) and never be fully sated.

Enigma69 (2:42:50): Damn. You're getting me hot, Sunshine.

Buttercup1983 (2:43:01): Sunshine?

Enigma69 (2:44:00): The happy dance...the million-watt smile...your capacity for dreaming (which suggests a naturally optimistic disposition)...You light up the room...even a virtual room.

Buttercup1983 (2:44:10): (blushes from head to toe)

Enigma69 (2:45:00): Have I mentioned how hot the blushing is? Do you really do that? I'd bet big money that you do.

Buttercup1983 (2:46:01): Unfortunately, I do.

Enigma69 (2:46:30): I like it.

Buttercup1983 (2:47:01): ...So what's your wildest fantasy?

Enigma69 (2:48:05): I'm a slut. I've traversed the whole sexual spectrum...several times. But there is one thing I've never done. One thing I'm ashamed to say that I really want to do.

Buttercup1983 (2:48:20): Make love with someone?

Enigma69 (2:49:00): Yeah.

Buttercup1983 (2:49:30): I've never done that, either.

Enigma69 (2:50:00): I'm shocked (seriously)

Buttercup1983 (2:51:01): You'd probably be even more shocked to learn that I've only ever been with one person.

Enigma69 (2:52:12): Only one? How the fuck do you write such yummy smut?

Buttercup1983 (2:52:40): The power of my imagination (bright smile)

Enigma69 (2:53:20): So...tell me more about yourself.

Buttercup1983 (2:53:39): What do you want to know?

Enigma69 (2:54:50): Whatever you want to tell me.

Buttercup1983 (2:56:01): (hesitates) I draw and paint.

Enigma69 (2:56:30): You are like James.

Buttercup1983 (2:57:10): Only in the broad strokes.

Enigma69 (2:57:25): Strokes (giggles)

Buttercup1983 (2:58:01): You're a little high, aren't you?

Enigma69 (2:59:00): More than a little (chuckles)

Buttercup1983 (3:00:01): (soft smile) So tell me something about yourself.

Enigma69 (3:00:35): Wait...what do you look like?

Buttercup1983 (3:01:10): Why do you want to know?

Enigma69 (3:01:30): Humor me.

Buttercup1983 (3:03:01): I have almost shoulder-length blond hair...but my hair is thin, so it looks a little feathered. I have light blue eyes and pale skin. My ass is probably my best feature. It's nicely rounded.

Enigma69 (3:04:10): Ok. Now I'll tell you something about myself. Actually, two somethings.

Buttercup1983 (3:04:30): Ok...(puzzled but very curious)

Enigma69 (3:06:20): If you're curious about how I look...I have hazel eyes...lightly bronzed skin...and chestnut hair. I'm lean and tall, but I work out, so I'm no wuss. That was number one.

Buttercup1983 (3:07:01): Wow! (eyes wide, heart beating wildly)

Enigma69 (3:07:19): What?

Buttercup1983 (3:08:01): You look very like the way I imagine Aidan.

Enigma69 (3:09:00): I figured, from your descriptions in Innocence, that we looked similar. So are you ready for something number two?

Buttercup1983 (3:09:15): Yes!!! (waiting with bated breath)

Buttercup1983 (3:09:28): (bright smile)

Enigma69 (3:10:58): I've been hard since you shared your fantasy...tonight before I go to sleep, I'm going to touch myself and imagine I'm fucking you...I want you to do the same...touch yourself while you imagine I'm inside you

Buttercup1983 (3:12:01): (shy smile, peeks up at you under my long blond lashes) I was already planning to

Enigma69 (3:12:30): That went straight to my cock.

Buttercup1983 (3:12:59): (another shy smile)

Enigma69 (3:13:10): Shit!

Buttercup1983 (3:13:20): What?

Enigma69 (3:13:59): I forgot that I have my son tomorrow.

Buttercup1983 (3:14:20): Son? (eyes widen)

Enigma69 (3:15:01): I was a sperm donor for some dyke friends of mine

Buttercup1983 (3:15:30): Oh...(sigh of relief) It's great that you are still a big part of his life.

Enigma69 (3:16:00): Well, he's pretty cool. Being my son, how could he be anything but? (smirks)

Buttercup1983 (3:16:50): So...tonight was fun.

Enigma69 (3:17:20): Yeah, it was. Can I IM you tomorrow?

Buttercup1983 (3:17:40): I'd like that (soft smile)

Enigma69 (3:18:10): Let's meet under the full moon at the witching hour.

Buttercup1983 (3:18:30): So romantic...

Enigma69 (3:19:00): That's me. The king of romance (rolls eyes). Later...

Buttercup1983 (3:19:15): Later...


	5. Must Be the Full Moon

Enigma69 (12:00:00): Sunshine? You here?

Buttercup1983 (12:00:05): Yes.

Enigma69 (12:00:10): Hi.

Buttercup1983 (12:00:25): Hi (smiling shyly). ...so, how was the visit with your son?

Enigma69 (12:01:00): (incomprehensible muttering)

Buttercup1983 (12:01:20): (tilts head)

Enigma69 (12:02:10): He recently started walking. I hadn't thought to put things higher up.

Buttercup1983 (12:02:50): (wrinkles nose) What'd he get into?

Enigma69 (12:03:40): (sigh) Everything. The little fucker can run!

Buttercup1983 (12:05:39): (nods head seriously, biting back the laughter that's dying to come out) Toddlers can certainly be a handful.

Enigma69 (12:06:10): You didn't hold it back at all, did you? (accusing stare)

Buttercup1983 (12:06:40): I tried! Wait, how'd you know?

Enigma69 (12:07:00): You took nearly 2 minutes to respond.

Buttercup1983 (12:07:50): Oh...drat. I forgot about the timestamp. So what exactly did he do?

Enigma69 (12:09:55): (sigh) First, when I was making him a sandwich, he found the condoms and lube. He created a found art masterpiece on my new duvet.

Buttercup1983 (12:11:40): Oh God. (I am most definitely NOT laughing my ass off)

Enigma69 (12:11:50): Grrr...

Buttercup1983 (12:12:20): Is it getting hot in here?

Enigma69 (12:13:10): (adjusting myself; filing away the observation that you probably like to be taken hard)

Buttercup1983 (12:14:20): (blushing; quickly changing the subject) Look at the bright side. It'll make great blackmail later.

Enigma69 (12:14:30): ???

Buttercup1983 (12:15:20): When he's a teenager, he'd probably do nearly anything to keep you from telling his first boyfriend or girlfriend that story.

Enigma69 (12:15:55): You have a devious mind. I'm impressed.

Buttercup1983 (12:16:20): Thanks (bright smile)

Enigma69 (12:17:30): I still don't get how he managed to open the condoms. I think that takes more fine motor skills than he should have at his age...

Buttercup1983 (12:19:20): (giggling) You are truly unique. I don't think any other person would contemplate the situation so deeply...so what else did he get into?

Enigma69 (12:19:55): The big boy toy chest.

Buttercup1983 (12:21:00): Please tell me that he didn't come out in leather and chains with a dildo in his hand...or anywhere else (laughing so hard, I'm crying)

Enigma69 (12:22:20): You are nearly as twisted as I am...I like...

Buttercup1983 (12:22:35): (blushing)

Enigma69 (12:23:10): No. I don't have anything in his size.

Buttercup1983 (12:24:20): (laughing so hard, I'm crying)

Enigma69 (12:25:35): He did, however, manage to smack my ass a few times with my favorite crop. I think it's his favorite now, too. I had to chase him for 30 minutes before I got it away from him.

Buttercup1983 (12:26:20): (giggling) Ah, a natural (nodding in approval)

Enigma69 (12:27:00): Yes, the condom doesn't fall far from the bowl...

Buttercup1983 (12:28:10): Well...to some degree...wait, you keep your condoms in a bowl?

Enigma69 (12:29:00): (chuckling) I told you I was a slut. I wasn't kidding. Does that bother you?

Buttercup1983 (12:31:00): No.

Enigma69 (12:31:35): It took you a long time to write one word. I can sense a but in there...don't be shy. Tell me what you are thinking.

Buttercup1983 (12:32:33): Well...okay. Two things...one...I haven't known you long, but even I can see that you have a lot more to offer than your body...You don't agree?

Enigma69 (12:34:00): No.

Buttercup1983 (12:34:32): It took you a long time to write one word...???

Enigma69 (12:35:10): I was deciding whether to be honest or make a joke.

Buttercup1983 (12:36:00): I hope I can help you see that you're wrong.

Enigma69 (12:36:30): what if I'm not?

Buttercup1983 (12:36:50): You are. I'm absolutely sure about that.

Enigma69 (12:38:00): What was the second thing?

Buttercup1983 (12:38:20): Hmm??

Buttercup1983 (12:38:30): Oh, right.

Buttercup1983 (12:39:20): two...(deep blush; nervous laugh) I'm a little intimidated.

Enigma69 (12:39:50): (smirking) I bet you're a natural.

Buttercup1983 (12:40:40): (blushing even deeper; biting lip) Why do you say that?

Buttercup1983 (12:42:00): You're taking an awfully long time...not that my heart's pounding so loud in my chest that I'm afraid it might explode...or anything...

Enigma69 (12:44:00): (You are too cute!) Well...you write incredibly hot smut (displaying the imagination and enthusiasm any great lover needs). Plus, as I just learned tonight, you're devious and twisted (demonstrating the potential to be an excellent lover). On top of that, you've managed to get me achingly hard two nights in a row, and I haven't even seen you yet.

Buttercup1983 (12:46:00): Oh God. You just gave me the most delightful full-body shiver. But...

Enigma69 (12:47:00): You and your buts...I'd prefer to discuss you and your butt...(smirking) still...but what?

Buttercup1983 (12:47:30): (bright smile)

Buttercup1983 (12:48:30): (wrinkling nose) I have difficulty believing that I turn you on as much as you claim.

Enigma69 (12:49:20): I never lie about sex. I'm a purist. No one's feelings are worth betraying my art. If I have to pretend, I don't want to be fucking that person anyway.

Buttercup1983 (12:50:33): Your art? You must be an incredible lover...

Enigma69 (12:51:02): That's what everyone says.

Buttercup1983 (12:51:20): Wow!

Buttercup1983 (12:51:50): Please tell me you don't have a Web site, where people can leave reviews...

Enigma69 (12:52:40): (chuckling) No, but if that had occurred to me a few years ago, I might have done it.

Enigma69 (12:53:00): So...did you think about me last night?

Buttercup1983 (12:53:30): Umm...

Enigma69 (12:54:00): Ooo...whatever you are thinking must be interesting...tell me.

Buttercup1983 (12:55:30): (taking a deep breath and blushing a darker pink than ever before) Yes, I did...and this morning...and this afternoon...and 20 minutes before we started IMing.

Enigma69 (12:55:40): Holy Shit! I'm flattered and even more turned on.

Buttercup1983 (12:56:20): I can't believe I just told you that!

Enigma69 (12:57:10): Well...since you were so honest...I'll admit that I thought of you more than once, too.

Buttercup1983 (12:58:00): Really? (million-watt smile)

Enigma69 (12:58:10): Yes. I told you that you turn me on like crazy...all that blushing and whatnot...the fact that you are nearly virginal gave me a lot of steam.

Buttercup1983 (1:00:00): Oh...super.

Enigma69 (1:00:20): Where do you live?

Buttercup1983 (1:01:20): (eyes widen) Why do you want to know?

Enigma69 (1:01:50): I need to know whether airfare is involved...

Buttercup1983 (1:02:00): ???

Enigma69 (1:02:30): I. want. to. see. you. (well...more than that really...)

Buttercup1983 (1:03:30): (swallowing hard) You do?

Enigma69 (1:03:55): Yes.

Buttercup1983 (1:05:00): (biting my thumbnail)

Enigma69 (1:05:10): and...survey says...

Buttercup1983 (1:06:00): Pittsburgh

Enigma69 (1:06:30): No. Fucking. Way.

Buttercup1983 (1:06:45): What?

Enigma69 (1:07:10): I also live in the Pitts.

Buttercup1983 (1:07:39): (eyes as wide as saucers) Really?

Enigma69 (1:07:44): Yup.

Enigma69 (1:07:44): Have you ever been to Babylon?

Buttercup1983 (1:08:30): I've never been to Iraq.

Enigma69 (1:08:45): (chuckles)

Enigma69 (1:09:10): I meant the club in Pittsburgh

Buttercup1983 (1:09:50): Oh...no. Why?

Enigma69 (1:10:30): I just wanted to be sure I don't already know you.

Buttercup1983 (1:11:00): Oh...

Enigma69 (1:12:00): What are you doing right now?

Buttercup1983 (1:13:03): (heart skipped a beat...not breathing) Why?

Enigma69 (1:13:30): I. want. to. see. you.

Buttercup1983 (1:14:20): Oh God. Are you serious?

Enigma69 (1:16:00): This is about as serious as I get. I'll come to you if you want...I really want to see you (You think your level of honesty is shocking...I've never been this honest with anyone...about my feelings anyway...I'm usually never honest about them)

Buttercup1983 (1:17:05): (argh) Ok...but I'll come to you.

Enigma69 (1:17:20): Do you know where the Liberty Diner is?

Buttercup1983 (1:18:00): I've never been there, but I'm sure I could find it. I know where Liberty Avenue is.

Enigma69 (1:19:00): Okay. Meet me out front. We can go to my place together from there. That'd probably be easier. How soon can you make it?

Buttercup1983 (1:19:30): Uh...45 minutes...I need to shower.

Enigma69 (1:20:00): (chuckling) Oh right...You were thinking about me before we started chatting...

Buttercup1983 (1:20:30): I cannot believe I'm actually doing this...wait, how will you know me?

Enigma69 (1:20:50): I'll look for the hot blond...with longish hair and a gorgeous ass.

Buttercup1983 (1:21:20): Wow...you remember...

Enigma69 (1:21:50): How could I forget? Okay...I expect to see you at 2:10, so you'd better get going...

Buttercup1983 (1:22:20): Ok. Later...

Enigma69 (1:22:30): Later...


	6. Recognition

Justin couldn't believe he was doing this. He always tried to avoid meeting new people nowadays, and he certainly never trusted them, well, not anymore. But none of them had ever, to his knowledge, been Aidan come to life. Justin knew that this would be a major turning point for him. He didn't know exactly what the consequences would be, but this was the first time in three years that he'd left the apartment alone, and one of the handful of times in three years that he'd left the apartment at all.

He rushed. He didn't want to give himself the chance to lose his nerve. The first year he and Ethan were together, he'd tried to leave the apartment by himself on several occasions. There were art exhibits he was dying to see. But every time, the same thing happened. He'd take a long shower, dress carefully, and gather everything he could possibly need. Then, he'd get halfway out the door and freeze. He'd spend the next hour sitting in his nice clothes trying to work up the courage to go, but to no avail. Eventually, he'd change into sweatpants and a T-shirt and cry bitter tears.

But that was not going to happen this time. Justin wouldn't let it. He showered quickly, threw on a black sweater and dark blue jeans, grabbed Ethan's car keys, and ran out the door. A surge of panic hit him the second his feet touched pavement, but he kept on walking. Ethan never parked far away, at least, he hadn't the last time he'd dragged Justin to a concert. He'd guess that the car was twenty feet away. His feet were about nine inches long (he'd measured them once), but, of course, his strides were longer, weren't they? Maybe he'd make it in exactly twenty footsteps, rather than the twenty-six-ish footsteps required otherwise. Justin tried to count his steps rather than looking around nervously, but he felt so exposed, as though someone might attack him at any moment. His heart was pounding hard in his chest, but not in a positive life-affirming way, like when Enigma was making sexual innuendoes. He could see the car. Just a few feet left. When he finally reached the door, his hands were shaking so badly that it took him three tries to unlock it. But at long last, he was inside. He locked the door and rested his head on the steering wheel, trying to even out his breathing and slow his heart rate. Once he had recovered a bit, he smiled. He'd made it. Now all he needed to do was find the Liberty Diner in the next twenty minutes.

*****

Brian couldn't believe that Buttercup lived in Pittsburgh. He was also a little shocked that he'd actually invited him over, even offering to go to him, if necessary. Finding tricks online wasn't unusual for him, but Buttercup was no trick. In the short time they'd been corresponding, he'd shared more with him than he had with people he'd known for years. Most of what his closest friends and family knew about him had been disclosed without his consent, that is, they'd been there, and what few emotions he'd actually shown or what little he had told others was usually done at the worst of times when he was shitfaced. He'd never voluntarily offered up so much while sober before and in the absence of traumatic events. Brian couldn't explain it. There was something different about Buttercup. Brian just knew that he was never judging him, no matter what Brian said. He also never pitied him. He didn't simply cluck his tongue and walk away…he wanted to make Brian feel better about himself, and not in a lame preachy way…He just genuinely enjoyed their time together and wanted Brian to be happy, or so it seemed. On top of that, he didn't come off as a person who had all his shit together and was kindly trying to help out one of the less fortunate. Best yet, he sounded cuter than hell. Normally, Brian didn't like adorable, but, on Buttercup, it was hot. Brian got a little thrill every time he made Buttercup blush or shiver or bite various parts of himself, e.g., his lip and his thumbnail. If he was that responsive to words, Brian couldn't imagine how responsive he'd be to touch. He was eager to find out. After showering, and relieving himself of the throbbing erection Buttercup had left him with, he decided to go for a slightly different look, throwing on a brown sweater vest and light blue jeans before heading to the diner.

*****

Justin had arrived a few minutes early, which was fortunate because the Liberty Diner was swarming with people. He wasn't sure he could handle the nervous tension of meeting Enigma and negotiating the crowds. But he'd come all this way alone, so he didn't want to give up yet. Thus, he was sitting in the car, trying to work up the nerve to get out. He sighed. He really didn't want to be sitting in a car, clenching and unclenching his fists like a freak when Enigma got his first look at him. Justin laid his head against the steering wheel and then wiped away a tear as he moved to start the car again.

Little did he know that Brian had come early and saw him park. In less than a minute, he'd pegged him as Buttercup. Brian had seen everything: the terror in his eyes, his determination rising and falling, and the tear that had rolled down his cheek. Brian was starting to understand why the blond admired Buttercup so much. He was clearly suffering from social anxiety disorder, maybe post-traumatic stress, too. If possible, Brian liked him all the better for it. Buttercup was clearly frightened, but he'd come to meet him anyway. Whether or not Buttercup could see it, coming here had been brave, even if he couldn't get out of the car. Brian shook his head. He was as damaged as they come, so he wasn't about to let Buttercup's people problem prevent them from meeting, especially since he was just plain beautiful. He had skin like porcelain, crystal blue eyes, luscious lips, and silky blond hair. No way in hell was he letting him get away. He walked around the back-end of the car, opened the passenger door, and got in.

He drawled, "Hey Sunshine."

Justin's eyes widened in surprise, not only at the man's sudden and unexpected entrance (leave it to Ethan to lock the driver's side and leave the passenger's side open) but also at his beauty. In particular, he had the deepest hazel eyes. They drew Justin like a magnet. What was most astounding was the fact that he looked exactly like Aidan. Justin swallowed hard and trembled a little.

When he finally found his voice, he whispered, "Fuck, you're beautiful." His eyes teared up a little.

Brian could never have expected the effect Buttercup would have on him. His beautiful trembling body, his soft whispering voice, his awe, and the recognition Brian could see in his eyes, as though they'd met in dreams or some such lesbianic thing…overwhelmed him. Suddenly, Brian did something he couldn't explain, would never be able to explain…he took the blond's hand and placed it on his chest as he gazed into his eyes. Justin felt Enigma's pounding heart and was drawn as if pulled into his lap. Justin did something he couldn't explain, would never be able to explain…straddling him, nudging his nose against the brunet's as they breathed the same air, and, then, thrusting his tongue into the brunet's mouth. Brian grabbed the blond's face, pulled him closer, tilted his head, and, then, deepened the kiss, moving his arms down so they circled the blond's waist. He explored the blond's mouth and licked, sucked, and nibbled his plump lips, all the while squeezing and caressing his incredible ass. Justin rubbed his painfully erect cock against Enigma's and moaned low in his throat. Brian couldn't take much more sweet torture.

He whispered in the blond's ear, "Sunshine, you wanna come over to my house and play?"

Justin pulled back so that he could see the brunet's face. He was blushing, but he flashed the brunet a million-watt smile and answered, "Yes!"

Brian grabbed the keys from the ignition, lifted the blond into his arms as he exited the car, hit the all door lock, and carried him to his jeep. Halfway there, he couldn't help but moan…loudly. The blond had been enthusiastically licking, sucking, and nibbling on his neck the entire time.

Brian half-stated, half-moaned, "You really are a natural, Sunshine," as he deposited him into the passenger seat.


	7. Breaking the Ice

Justin sat in the jeep next to Enigma, occasionally peeking at the beautiful hazel-eyed man, wondering at the situation he was in. For the first time since before IMing with Enigma that night, he thought about Ethan. But it was a passing thought. Where Enigma was concerned, he simply couldn't think about anything but his own desire. Justin had never been kissed the way Enigma had kissed him. Just remembering it had Justin trembling.

"Are you cold?"

The blond had been so lost in thought that he hadn't realized they'd reached their destination. Enigma's voice brought him out of his reverie. Enigma had opened his door and was observing him closely.

He pulled Justin out of the jeep and into a warm embrace.

Justin replied, his voice quaking nearly as much as his body, "I'm not cold."

Brian was confused. He said, "But you're trembling."

Justin pulled back and whispered, carefully avoiding Enigma's intense gaze, "It's just you. I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you right now." His voice broke on the last few words.

Brian swallowed hard. As intimidated as the blond might be by his wealth of sexual experience, Brian was continually awed by the blond's desire, the depth of his feelings. When Brian looked into the blond's sparkling blue eyes, he felt, _fuck_, he didn't even have a name for it. Only one word came close. _Home_.

Brian reached out with one hand and caressed the blond's cheek, relishing in its softness. He whispered, "I…" He took a deep breath and dove into glittering blue pools. "I feel the same way, Sunshine."

Then he slid his hand behind the blond's head, drew him closer, until their lips met, and kissed him passionately. Soon, Brian was grabbing the blond's ass with his other hand, pulling the blond's body roughly against his and grinding against him as he deepened their kiss. Justin had thrown his arms around the brunet's neck and was running his fingers through his hair, moaning softly into his mouth. Justin's entire body was flushed, and he was still trembling, in fact, it was worse. He was embarrassed, but he no longer had any control over his body.

Reluctantly, Brian broke their kiss, taking Buttercup's hand and leading him into his apartment building. The second they entered the elevator, he attacked the blond's lips once more, wrapping his arms around him, pulling him as close as possible and holding him tight. He told himself that he was just trying to quell the blond's trembling, but, the truth was, he needed the blond's warmth like he needed air. When the elevator stopped, Brian pulled the blond out, again, holding his hand, but, this time, threading their fingers together. Every second they were together, Brian fell deeper into a lesbianic pit. The worst part was, he didn't want to stop.

Brian punched in his security code, slid the loft door open, and pulled the blond in. He'd no sooner slid the door shut than he had pushed the blond against it. He was about to envelop the blond in a flurry of groping hands and passionate kisses, but, then, he stopped. He didn't want to rush this. He pulled the now confused blond into his bedroom. He removed the blond's clothes, and what he saw took his breath away. Flawless creamy white skin, like porcelain, but flushed with desire. He was gorgeous. Brian couldn't help but notice that the blond was quite well endowed. When he remembered squeezing the blond's luscious ass, he had to admit that the blond was perfect.

Brian whispered, "Sunshine…you're beautiful. Perfect."

Suddenly, Justin took a step closer and started removing Enigma's clothing. After he slid the sweater vest off, he ran his hands over the bronze expanse of his chest and bit his lip. Then, he unbuttoned and unzipped the brunet's jeans, his hands shaking as he did. When he slid them down, the blond's breath hitched. Enigma wasn't wearing anything underneath. His huge cock was so hard that it was purple and leaking. Justin swallowed hard and looked into Enigma's hazel eyes helplessly.

He fell to his knees, as though in a trance. He wanted so much to make the brunet moan, to give him more pleasure than anyone else had ever given him. He drew the tip of his tongue along the brunet's slit slowly and pushed it inside as far as he could, exploring it, tasting the brunet. Then, he licked his penis from base to tip. He could feel Enigma shiver. Encouraged, he licked around the head of his cock and then sucked on it until Enigma moaned loudly and threaded his fingers into Justin's hair. The blond slowly started to take more of the brunet's cock into his mouth, sliding his lips over it even as he swirled his tongue along it. It took him a few tries before he could deepthroat Enigma's cock. It was so much larger than Ethan's, and Justin had never been with anyone else. When he had done so, he accidentally swallowed, and Enigma bucked and cried out, "Fuck. Oh fuck."

Justin's eyes opened wide. He looked up. The brunet's head was thrown back, his eyes, closed, and his mouth, open slightly. It was the most beautiful sight the blond had ever seen. He tried to memorize every detail. His fingers itched to draw the man. Suddenly, the brunet looked down at him. He caressed the blond's face gently with one hand and whispered, "Sunshine. So beautiful."

The desire and tenderness in his voice, his eyes, and his touch inflamed Justin. He licked and sucked the brunet's cock desperately, aching to taste him, to hear him cry out in release. The brunet tightened his fingers in the blond's hair and started thrusting inside his mouth. Justin couldn't help but moan, which had the brunet thrusting faster. The blond relaxed and let Enigma fuck his mouth, but he ran his tongue over the man's cock as he thrust and tried to swallow every time the tip of the brunet's cock entered his throat. The brunet panted loudly and licked his lips. Justin caressed the man's balls and, then, squeezed as he felt them swell and tighten.

Enigma cried out, "Fuck! Ohhhh fuck…Sunshine" as he came in Justin's mouth. Justin swallowed greedily and gently sucked on the brunet's cock until his body stopped quaking. He pulled back, but didn't move. He was feeling a little shy. Brian realized that the blond was retreating inward and wasn't having any of it. He pulled the blond up into his arms and kissed him passionately. Then he broke their kiss and breathed, "That was incredible, Sunshine."

The blond blushed and looked down, but Brian moved his head down until he was looking into the blond's eyes. Justin laughed and lifted his head back up. Then Brian started laying open mouthed kisses all over the blond's neck and backed him up to the bed. Brian let himself fall onto it and pulled the blond with him so that he landed on top of him. He pulled them all the way on and then ran his fingers through the blond's hair as he gazed a little shyly into his crystal blue eyes.

He offered him a soft smile and said, "It's really nice to meet you, Buttercup."

The blond giggled and responded, "Likewise, Enigma."


	8. The Boyfriend

A/N: Don't blame me...Brian was the one who got all chatty and crazy...I just recounted it for you all...

Brian wanted to bring Buttercup out of his shell a little before they went any further. Just the thought of chatting before sex, or, for that matter, after, had his 'inner Mikey' taunting him, but he pushed that aside. This could be a completely selfish act. Surely Buttercup would perform better if he were relaxed. Relaxed. Maybe that was the answer. He could get the blond high. He wasn't sure. It might heighten his anxiety. He might be better served sticking to the talking idea.

Brian was still holding the blond, running his fingers through his longish hair. He asked softly, "So I'm only the second person you've ever done that to?"

Buttercup buried his face further into Brian's chest and answered softly, "Yes."

Brian lifted the blond's head back up so that their eyes met. He smiled gently, "Boggles the mind. So tell me about the other guy."

Justin's entire body tensed. He didn't want to tell Enigma anything about Ethan. At least while he was here, he wanted to pretend that Ethan didn't exist. He was ashamed on every possible front, ashamed of staying with someone he knew he wasn't in love with, ashamed that he was the kind of boyfriend who fantasized about another man and who had now cheated on him, even borrowing his car to do it. Any way you looked at the situation, Justin was a bad person, either pathetic or cruel. More likely both.

He looked down and replied, "I'd rather not talk about him right now."

Brian had felt the blond tense up, but didn't know the cause, so he didn't want to push. He said, "Fair enough. But at least tell me this, how long were you with him?"

The blond whispered, "Three years."

Brian gaped at him incredulously, exclaiming, "Wow!"

He shook his head. He had difficulty imagining spending three years with one person. He asked, "Were you monogamous?"

Justin blushed and buried his head in the brunet's chest again, but this time to try to stifle a giggle. _Were_ we monogamous? How ironic.

Brian was seriously confused. He lifted the blond's head up again and inquired, "Did I say something funny, Sunshine?"

Justin smiled and replied, "We were monogamous."

Brian shook his head again. Then, he smirked. "So…you two must have done everything under the sun. Did he fuck you?"

The blond blushed and responded softly, "Yes."

"Did he rim you?"

The blond furrowed his brow and stated evenly, "No."

Now this was interesting. Brian inquired, "You were with that guy three years and he never rimmed you? Not even once?"

More brow furrowing. "No."

Brian harrumphed. "Well, I've never been a boyfriend, so I can't say I know much, or anything, about romance, but I do know what feels good, and I make sure everyone I'm with has an amazing time. I would have thought that people in relationships tried just about everything…you know to keep the fucking exciting…"

The blond admitted, "When we started out, I had zero experience, so I let him take the lead. After a while, I tried some new things, but he wasn't very receptive."

Brian was extremely curious. He liked the thought of Buttercup experimenting sexually, though it bothered him a little that it was with someone else. "Like what?"

"Well, once, when I was, umm..."

The blond blushed a deep crimson.

Brian teased, "You have your characters say and do a great many 'naughty' things. Why is it so hard for you?"

Buttercup laughed so hard he snorted a little. Fucking adorable. Then he replied matter-of-factly, "Uh…typing something and saying it are two completely different things."

Brian laughed.

The blond looked down, took a deep breath, and confessed, "Once, when I was sucking him off, I put a finger inside him. He came harder than ever before, but he asked me not to do that ever again."

Brian's eyes widened. "Why?"

Justin flushed, but this time it wasn't from embarrassment or shyness. "Ethan likes to be the one doing all the penetrating."

"You never fucked him?"

The blond looked down and answered softly, "No."

"Did he ever even blow you?"

The blond sighed and whispered, "No."

Brian was hating this Ian more and more. "I consider myself an ultimate top, but even I've been fucked. Just not that often. I also give great head and love it when someone fingers me."

That gave the blond a chuckle.

"You should let me be your boyfriend."

The blond's eyes widened. He smiled brightly and asked, "Que?"

Brian tried to appear calm and nonchalant, though he was anything but. He had no idea what had prompted him to say what he did. What was even more disturbing, he wasn't trying to back track. He explained, "Well…you are the king of romance….I'm the stud of Liberty Avenue…we could trade expertise."

"Que?"

Brian bit the inside of his cheek in an attempt to keep from laughing. Then he continued, residual amusement bubbling up through his words, "You teach me how to turn you into a puddle with words and romantic gestures, and I'll do the same with fucking, sucking, rimming, and so on."

Justin couldn't believe what Enigma was proposing. Enigma didn't seem like the boyfriend type. "Are you serious?"

All trace of amusement gone, Brian said evenly, "Yes." His 'inner Mikey' was screaming his head off at this point.

Justin just stared. "You want to be my boyfriend?"

Brian offered the blond a soft smile and said, "I kind of do. That may not sound special at all, but I've never even kind of wanted to before."

Suddenly, the blond's face and eyes held a heartbreaking expression. Maybe heartbroken was a better word to describe it. He whispered, "I don't think I could handle it."

Brian smirked and, then, drawled, "I know I'm an amazing fuck, but, rest assured, you could handle it."

Justin blushed and responded softly, "That's not what I meant. I…I wouldn't want to share you with everyone else. I couldn't. I mean, once is one thing, but if I let myself get that involved, I'd be so hurt if you…"

He couldn't even finish his sentence.

Brian observed the blond closely, trying to read the subtext. He must have been rejected and betrayed. A lot. Brian didn't want to be yet another person to put that look on Buttercup's face…The only choice he had was to agree that it wouldn't work. …Or…he could…

Brian shrugged. "So I won't trick." His 'inner Mikey' had just declared him legally insane. Brian was actually holding his breath waiting for Buttercup to respond.

His answer was a million-watt smile. Brian smiled and pulled the blond closer.

Suddenly, the blond pulled away and looked pale as a ghost, which was an achievement, considering his already pale coloring. He exclaimed in a very serious voice, "You can't be my boyfriend."

Brian was in the unusual position of feeling hurt, pissed, and defensive. "Why the fuck not?"

The blond replied, just as seriously, "I don't know your name. I don't date strangers."

Brian flipped the blond over and started tickling him. "Twat! You had me nervous."

The blond giggled, "Really?"

Brian shot him a dark look but then smiled and said with mock-brightness, "Hi! I'm Brian, Brian Kinney" and extended his hand.

The blond took it and gave it a good shake as he responded, "Justin. Justin Taylor."

Brian offered him a soft smile and said, "It's really nice to meet you, Justin."

The blond giggled and responded, "Likewise, Brian."

Brian asked with both nervousness and amusement in his voice, "So, you're all mine, now?"

Justin replied firmly, "Yes, I'm all yours" and smiled.

There was just one little problem...


	9. Dream Come True

_Brian asked with both nervousness and amusement in his voice, "So, you're all mine, now?"_

_Justin replied firmly, "Yes, I'm all yours" and smiled._

But Justin's smile disappeared when Brian looked at him. He was lying on top of the blond, his face a few inches from Justin's, and he gazed directly into the blond's eyes. His expression was a little frightening for Justin. In it, he could perceive a desire so strong his heart skipped a beat, and he lost the ability to breathe, but he also perceived warmth. That was perhaps the scariest part. Brian kissed his lips gently but, then, thrust his tongue into the blond's mouth, slipping a hand underneath the blond's ass, pulling it to his body roughly, and sliding the other hand to the back of Justin's neck, deepening their kiss. Justin threw his arms around Brian's neck and kissed him back with everything he had, all his pent up longing, loneliness, fear, and disappointment.

A few minutes later, Brian whispered huskily, "I want to be your dream come true, tasting and touching every single part of you."

The brunet's words sent a shiver down the blond's spine, and he started trembling again.

Brian sucked and nibbled on Justin's neck until he started writhing beneath him, rubbing his erection against Brian's.

The brunet whispered, "I'm going to rim you into a puddle and, then, fuck you into the mattress."

At that, the blond began to pant. Brian stood up, pulled the blond so that his ass was at the edge of the bed, and placed a couple of pillows under the blond's head and ass. Then, he sat down on the floor and set the blond's legs on his shoulders. Justin looked at him in confusion.

Brian quirked an eyebrow but, then, explained, "I want you to watch me. I want, no, need you to see how much I enjoy tasting you."

Brian slid his hands under the blond's ass, pulled him forward a bit, and, then, spread his cheeks. He traced his tongue from Justin's lower back to his entrance, which caused the blond to gasp. Brian swirled his tongue around his entrance. The blond was still trembling. Hoping to help the blond relax, Brian slid his hand up along the bed until he found Justin's and, then, threaded their fingers together. Brian pushed his tongue inside the blond, eliciting another gasp. He pushed it in further until he hit the blond's prostate. Justin moaned softly. Brian looked up at Justin, his eyes dancing. The blond's eyes widened.

Brian went back to work, massaging the blond's prostate with the tip of his tongue. Justin's squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lip. Then, he threw his free arm over his eyes. Brian started fucking the blond's hole with his tongue, but, a few minutes later, he went back to massaging the blond's prostate, this time even more vigorously. Justin's cock was fully erect and leaking. Justin couldn't hold back anymore. He started moaning. This inflamed Brian. He pulled Justin toward him with his remaining hand, thrusting his tongue deeper, pressing the blond's prostate harder. Justin's moans grew louder and louder. When he squeezed Brian's hand so tight that it hurt, Brian pulled his tongue out of the blond, grabbed lube and a condom from under the rug, sheathed his throbbing cock, and slicked it with lube. Then, he got up into a kneeling position, positioned his cock at the blond's entrance, and squeezed the blond's hand. He took a minute to observe Justin. He was panting and flushed, his eyes cloudy with desire. Fuck, he was beautiful. He smiled softly at the blond and then moaned as he started pushing his cock inside him.

Justin's eyes widened when he felt Brian enter him. Fuck. He was so much larger than Ethan. Brian saw the pain in Justin's face and stopped, waiting for him to adjust. When the blond relaxed, Brian pushed all the way inside.

Being inside the blond felt so incredible that he couldn't help moaning, "Fuck, Sunshine. You're so tight. So tight."

Justin looked up in alarm. He whispered urgently, "Do you want to stop? Is it painful?"

Brian looked at the blond like he'd gone mad. Then, he smiled and squeezed Justin's hand. He was so innocent, and Brian found that irresistible.

Brian protested, "Fuck no!"

Then, he drawled, "Tight is good, so your ass is like heaven."

Justin blushed. Unable to wait any longer, Brian started thrusting. His breath grew ragged. He leaned down, kissed the blond's lips gently, and then thrust his tongue inside, exploring every inch of the blond's mouth, never once breaking the rhythm he'd set.

Justin felt amazing. Once he'd adjusted to accommodate the man's size, their union had felt perfect. Brian filled him up; he'd never felt closer to anyone, not even Ethan. And Brian's kisses set him on fire. He started pushing back to meet Brian's thrusts. When the brunet angled his hips so that he'd hit Justin's sweet spot, he felt as though currents of electricity were pulsing through his entire body. Brian responded to Justin's sudden enthusiasm by quickening the pace, making sure to hit the blond's prostate on every thrust. In response, the blond arched his back and threw his arm over his eyes, moaning uncontrollably. Brian used his free hand to grasp Justin's cock. The blond's cock was so hard that it was purple and slick with precum. Brian squeezed it tight, and the blond moaned deeply, cumming in long spurts. The blond's orgasm was still ripping through him when his ass clamped down on Brian's cock, which sent Brian over the edge. He threw back his head and arched his back, crying out, "Fuck, Justin. Oh fuck!"

Justin's orgasm had come in a blinding explosion of white light. He'd felt more pleasure than he ever thought possible and heard Brian shout; then, everything had gone dark.

A few minutes later, when Justin regained consciousness, he was nestled snugly in Brian's arms. The blond looked disoriented. Fear evident in his voice, he asked, "What happened?"

Brian nudged Justin's nose, gently kissed his soft lips, and, then, said, with a giggle, "I rocked your world."


	10. The Stroke of Midnight

Justin felt incredible, like he'd felt every minute for the last three hours. He couldn't believe what a sexual appetite Brian possessed and what an appetite Brian had inspired in him. He just couldn't get enough of the brunet. He and Brian had engaged in more foreplay than Justin had thought possible before they'd had sex, and, then, Brian had quite literally fucked him into unconsciousness, but Justin craved more. And Brian had already had two orgasms, one just a few moments ago, but his desire was just as strong, if not stronger, than before. Brian really was his dream come true. Justin could easily see himself fucking Brian all night and always wanting more, just a little more.

Justin was still snugly nestled in Brian's arms, but, now, Brian was doing wonderful things to his neck. Nuzzling…licking…sucking…nibbling. In but a few moments, Justin was painfully erect, rubbing his cock, in fact, his entire body, against Brian's.

Brian chuckled and breathed, "That's it, Sunshine, now moan for me…"

Justin moaned softly and rolled his head to the left to give Brian more access. Unfortunately, that's when the first ray of sunshine glanced across his face. He sat up quickly, pushing off a very confused Brian. That had most definitely never happened to him before.

Brian asked, concern evident in his voice, "Sunshine, what's wrong?"

Justin just sat there staring out the windows, watching dawn breaking, the saddest look on his face. Justin felt like Cinderella at the ball when the clock struck midnight. Time to leave Prince Charming, and their magical evening, and return to the drudgery of everyday life and the self-centered person who'd been his entire world for years.

Brian repeated, "Sunshine?"

When he saw the blond brush away a tear, he got up and went to stand in front of Justin, blocking out the offensive light. He bent down in front of Justin and said lightly, "Hey. Blowjob for your thoughts."

Justin laughed out loud and smiled brightly. Brian was so relieved that he couldn't help but smile back. But then, Justin looked down at the bed and started playing with the edge of the duvet. He sighed sadly.

"I have to go."

Puzzled, not only by Justin's statement but also the desolate feeling it evoked within him, Brian asked, a little tensely, "Why? Just sleep here."

Brian had thought his inner Mikey had given up his case as hopeless, but he returned, reminding Brian that if he allowed the blond to stay over, he'd never be rid of him. Brian thought, "And your point is? What would be so bad about that?" His inner Mikey sighed in exasperation, very, very loudly, but stopped protesting.

Justin smiled at Brian weakly but, then, replied, "I really, really want to, but I can't. I have to start work early today, very soon in fact."

He sighed and added, "I guess I'd better dress."

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth but, then, said matter-of-factly, "I don't think so.

Justin looked up in surprise.

Brian continued, amusement permeating his voice, "No one has ever left my loft with an erection, and no one ever will, especially not you."

Justin flashed Brian a million-watt smile. He was thrilled to hear Brian place him in a different category from everyone else he'd been with. He wanted to be special to Brian.

Brian grabbed a condom from under the mattress, pulled Justin to a standing position, and pushed him face first, though gently, against the nearest pillar. Then he caressed the blond's ass and sucked and nibbled on his neck. He rubbed his erection along Justin's crack, which caused his breath to become ragged, and, then, turned the blond's head so that he could plunge his tongue into the blond's mouth and kiss him passionately. A few moments later, he pulled away. Justin was panting, his face flushed. Brian was once again awed at how beautiful the blond was.

Forcing himself to get back to 'business,' he sheathed his cock, which was throbbing even more desperately now that Brian knew his time with Justin was going to be cut short, slid his hands around Justin's waist, and started pushing his cock inside the blond slowly. Justin, feeling as desperately horny as Brian, though he didn't know this was true for the brunet, pushed back hard, until Brian's cock was completely buried inside him. They both moaned loudly, and Brian, spurred on by the blond's deliciously tight ass, involuntarily arched his back, plunging his cock as far inside Justin as he could. Brian started thrusting, pulling almost all the way out and, then, pushing all the way back in. Justin met every thrust. He closed his eyes and held the pillar tight. He was panting hard. Brian observed all this, and doing so heightened his desire. He started pumping the blond faster. He gripped Justin's waist so hard, he knew he'd leave marks. It was then that he realized that he wanted to mark the blond. Why shouldn't he? Brian had, after all, asked the blond to be his. He remembered Justin declaring brightly, "I'm all yours." This caused him to moan. He started sucking on the blond's neck, hard, eliciting deep moans from Justin. Brian grabbed Justin's cock firmly and began stroking him in time with his thrusts.

A moment later, Justin cried out, "Brian, yes, Brian, fuck yes" and started cumming, which sent his own orgasm coursing through him. Brian thrust and stroked a few more times, arching his back as much as was humanly possible, and, then, leaned over the blond and bit his neck, hard.

Justin's eyes flew open at this, the pain drawing him out of his post-orgasm haze. But he didn't cry out. He just blinked a few times.

Brian pulled out, disposed of the condom, and, then, turned Justin around. He noted the marks he'd left on the blond's neck, pulled him into his arms, and asked anxiously, "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

Justin smiled against Brian's skin and answered, "No. I kind of liked it. I definitely like the idea of you marking your territory."

Brian breathed a sigh of relief and, then, chuckled.

They both started dressing. Brian wanted to dress Justin, but Justin laughed and pushed him away, crying out desperately, "If you don't want me to leave here with a hard on, you'd better keep your distance…and stop looking at me like you want to eat me for breakfast."

Brian shrugged and suggested with a smirk, "Maybe I do…"

Once dressed, they headed toward the door. Right after Brian slid it open, he whispered in Justin's ear, "Tonight, when you come for another visit, and you will (in response to Justin raising his eyebrows), I'm going to suck your cock so masterfully, you won't mind at all that no one else has ever done that for you. In fact, you'll be grateful you never had to suffer through second-rate head. Nothing but the best for my Sunshine."

Justin giggled. Brian smiled, squeezed the blond's ass, and pulled him out the door.


	11. How Did You Know?

Justin arrived home before Ethan woke up. He was almost disappointed. He placed Ethan's keys on the counter and walked over to his computer. He pressed the on button and went into the bathroom. He stopped as he caught his reflection in the mirror. He stood there transfixed, staring at the huge hickey Brian had left on his neck. Justin couldn't help but smile. Brian. For the first time in two years, he was experiencing pure unadulterated joy. But did he deserve it?

His smile disappeared when he thought about his new situation. He'd lied to both Brian and Ethan (by omission). He'd had sex with someone other than Ethan, his boyfriend of three years. His first and (before last night) only lover. Justin looked at the corner. He could almost see himself sitting there crying. How many times had he done that after sex with Ethan? Then, he remembered what he was doing after Brian and he had had sex, no, made love (he was sure of it). Brian had held him, and he'd loved every second of it. No rushing away, no crying. No self-loathing, even though he probably should have felt guilty. He should have immediately regretted it. If it had been just sex, he would have. But it had been so much more. For the first time in his life, he'd felt truly beautiful, treasured. Brian had…had…fuck. He couldn't even say (or think) the words. Just picturing it had him blushing. Brian seemed so eager to experience all of him. That caused him to blush more deeply, but he was smiling, too.

Suddenly, Justin heard a ping. Someone was IMing him.

Enigma69 (6:01:00): Sunshine?

Buttercup1983 (6:02:10): Hi!

Enigma69 (6:02:30): Do you miss me yet?

Buttercup1983 (6:02:50): Do you miss me?

Enigma69 (6:03:20): I'll be the bigger person and refrain from saying, "I asked you first." Yes. I miss you like crazy, and it's only been, what, 20 minutes?

Buttercup1983 (6:03:35): I miss you, too.

Enigma69 (6:04:10): I can still smell you...taste you...(sigh) I really wanted to suck your cock before you left, but I didn't want to rush. I wanted to take it slow because it would've been your first time.

Buttercup1983 (6:04:20): (blushing and grinning like a fool)

Buttercup1983 (6:04:30): Brian...

Enigma69 (6:04:35): Yes, Sunshine?

Enigma69 (6:04:55): Is something wrong?

Buttercup1983 (6:05:30): I...

Enigma69 (6:05:40): Do you want me to come over?

Buttercup1983 (6:05:50): You don't know where I live.

Enigma69 (6:06:10): Actually, I do. I followed you.

Buttercup1983 (6:06:20): You did? Why?

Enigma69 (6:06:35): You seemed really upset. I was worried.

Buttercup1983 (6:06:50): Where are you now?

Enigma69 (6:07:10): The 24-hr cybercafe around the corner.

Buttercup1983 (6:07:20): Really?

Enigma69 (6:07:45): Yes. Ethan's not out of the picture yet, is he?

Buttercup1983 (6:08:10): How did you know?

Enigma69 (6:08:25): I told you. I'm perceptive when I want to be.

Buttercup1983 (6:09:00): I...Do you hate me?

Enigma69 (6:09:15): (chuckling) No. Not an option for me. Just tell me the apartment number, and I'll be there in a flash.

Buttercup1983 (6:09:30): I wanted to do this on my own, but I...

Enigma69 (6:10:01): You aren't alone. Why not use whatever resources you have available?

Buttercup1983 (6:11:00): Won't you...

Enigma69 (6:11:01): No

Buttercup1983 (6:11:15): You don't even know what I was going to ask...

Enigma69 (6:12:10): Of course I do. I won't like you less or lose respect for you. I knew...I just knew, okay? I knew when I asked you to be mine that you weren't in a great place...and when you were staring out the window, I guessed about Ethan. But I also knew that you don't love him anymore, if you ever did. So...everything is okay.

Buttercup1983 (6:12:20): 4D

Enigma69 (6:12:30): I'll be there in 5 minutes. Oh..do you want some coffee? A latte?

Buttercup1983 (6:12:40): You're incredible. So fucking incredible...I don't deserve you.

Enigma69 (6:12:59): You deserve a hell of a lot better than me, but I want you, and I always get what I want.

Buttercup1983 (6:13:15): That's not true.

Enigma69 (6:13:30): So...coffee...latte...espresso?

Buttercup1983 (6:13:55): coffee. Something dark.

Enigma69 (6:14:25): Later...

Buttercup1983 (6:14:35): Later...


	12. You Must Be the Ex

Justin wiped the tears out of his eyes and splashed water on his face. He didn't want Brian to see that he'd been crying. When Brian asked if he should come over, he'd wanted to say so much that he could never actually say.

"I'm scared to leave on my own. I can barely walk across the parking lot by myself."

Justin was so relieved that Brian had guessed about Ethan. He'd wanted to tell him, but he'd had no idea how. Should he pack? That he could do…it would take his mind off of what was to come. He turned his laptop off and packed it away. Then, he took out his messenger bag and put his sketch books and pencils in it. He set them on the floor near the door, and, then, he crept into the bedroom and started grabbing clothes out of his drawers, tossing them into a backpack. He froze when he heard a knock on the door. He shut the last drawer and went back out into the living room. He set his backpack by his computer and went to the door, pulling it open after a moment's hesitation.

Despite everything, he couldn't help but flash Brian a million-watt smile when he saw him standing there holding a latte and a coffee…and muffins. How could he be so cool about everything? Justin wished he had that presence of mind. Brian kissed Justin gently on the lips and walked in, setting everything on the kitchen table.

Brian sat down and motioned Justin to join him. Once Justin was seated, Brian asked calmly (he even smiled), "So what are we doing?"

Justin's eyes widened. He wasn't sure what Brian meant.

"Huh?"

Brian chuckled softly. "Not as articulate in the morning, are we? Well, have some coffee. That ought to help."

He handed him a cup. Justin smiled and took it.

Brian watched the blond sipping his coffee for a minute, smiling again, and, then, looked around. He expected to see Justin everywhere, but there was no hint of his presence. He saw a violin (a violinist? Fuck, Sunshine, have some taste! Violin music sounded like dying cats). Sheet music was strewn around the living room and music books lined the bookshelves. Not even one sketch or painting, Justin's or anyone else's. Brian was starting to get pissed. Then, he saw three bags sitting on the floor. Was that everything the boy owned? Now, he was livid.

Brian turned back to Justin. "So, Sunshine, are you ready to go?"

Justin looked up at Brian shyly. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest, and his hands were shaking a little. He took a deep breath and answered, as evenly as he could manage, "Yes."

Brian smiled, stood up, grabbed Justin's bags, and walked toward the door. Justin followed but, then, turned back to grab the muffins. He loved muffins, and he was starving. Brian chuckled. Could he be more fucking adorable?

Justin walked toward the door but, then, froze.

Grimacing, he said, "I have to write him a note, at the very least."

"Or you could just tell him. Who the fuck is he?"

Brian and Justin both looked up in surprise. Justin paled.

"I…"

Brian plastered a fake smile on his face as he set the bags down and walked closer to Ethan extending his hand. Ethan was so surprised that he took it.

Brian's eyes darkened as he said, "Brian Kinney, Justin's new boyfriend. You must be the ex. Ian, was it?"

Ethan stared at Brian for a moment before turning to Justin.

"What the fuck is he talking about, Justin?"

Justin started trembling, but he managed to respond, "Ethan, I…don't love you anymore. I haven't been happy in a couple of years, and I want our relationship to…to end."

Brian looked at Justin and smiled. Again, Justin couldn't help but smile back. Looking into Brian's warm hazel eyes, Justin's heart leapt.


	13. The 2nd Shoe &Other Stuff Hits the Floor

Ethan was all red in the face. He hissed, "How did you even meet him? You never leave the apartment!"

Justin sighed. He responded softly, "Does it matter?"

Ethan stomped closer to Justin, but Brian stepped in front of the musician, laying a hand on his chest and growling softly, "Keep your distance."

Ethan stepped back and put up his hands. "Ok, ok. I'm backing off."

Ethan glared at Justin and yelled, "I can't believe you're going to leave me just like that, after everything I've done for you!"

Brian was about to say something, but Justin beat him to the punch.

He snapped, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Ethan opened his mouth and gaped at the blond. He asked, "Since when did you start swearing?"

Brian smirked. He drawled, "That's probably my influence."

He walked over to Justin, stood behind him, and wrapped his arms around his waist.

He chuckled. "Sorry about that. But you only have to deal with it for a few more minutes."

Ethan narrowed his eyes and hissed, "When everyone else abandoned you at the hospital, I took you home. Gave you a place to live."

Brian held Justin tighter and glared at Ethan.

He asked evenly, "So you took advantage of Justin, but you want him to thank you for it?" Brian was disgusted.

Justin yelled, shocking both men, "Fuck you, Ethan! I cooked all your meals, cleaned your apartment, and entertained your friends. Plus, I make more money than you do. I'm sorry that this seemed to happen so quickly, but you knew that I wasn't happy. I chose to stay because I thought you needed me and because I was a little scared of going out into the world alone after everything, but…"

Ethan interrupted, "But what? Now you have someone new to lean on?"

Justin hoped that Brian didn't share his perspective. The last thing he wanted was for Brian to think he was weak. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then, he looked up at Ethan and said, as calmly as possible, "That's not how it is. I'm leaving now because I realized yesterday that happiness is possible. I didn't expect Brian to come here. That was a bit of a surprise."

Brian kissed Justin's cheek. The longer he was here, the more bleak Justin's circumstances seemed. He calmed himself with the thought that everything would change once Justin left this horrible place.

Brian agreed, "I followed him home and hung out at the coffeeshop around the corner. Then I asked to come over."

Brian kissed behind Justin's ear, eliciting a giggle. Justin also tilted his head in response. Unfortunately, that gave Ethan a perfect view of Justin's hickey/bite mark.

Ethan's eyes widened and he yelled, "What the fuck is that?"

Justin smiled and said, "Ethan, I'm shocked!"

Then he asked, "Since when did you start swearing?"

Ethan retorted, "Ha. Ha. Back to your neck. What the fuck?"

Brian smirked. "I'm afraid that's my bad, too. I just can't seem to keep my hands off of him. He's incredibly hot!"

Ethan scoffed, "He may be hot, but he's not that great in bed. He just lays there."

Brian stared at Ethan in confusion. "Maybe for you, but fuck, with me, despite the fact that he's seriously shy, he turns into a tiger."

Justin blushed crimson, but smiled brightly, too. He couldn't help it. The most gorgeous man in the world, and the most experienced, had just called him a tiger in the bedroom.

Ethan paled. He shouted, "You fucked him? You whore!"

Brian growled, "Watch what you say, Ian."

Brian pulled Justin toward the door. He picked up Justin's bags and set them in the hall.

He leaned forward and kissed Justin's forehead. He whispered, "Justin, wait outside a minute would you?"

Justin hesitated, observing Brian carefully. Then, he nodded and smiled softly.

Once Justin had gone, Brian stalked over to Ethan. He hovered over him menacingly and growled, "You were part of Justin's life. _Were_. Now, you're the past. Stay the fuck away."

As Brian headed toward the door, Ethan called out, "Be sure to ask him to suck your cock. He's fucking amazing on his knees!"

Brian froze for a few seconds. Then, he wheeled around and punched Ethan, landing a blow on his jaw with a loud CRACK. The punch sent Ethan crashing to the ground. He didn't bother getting back up.

Brian left quickly. Once outside, he smiled at Justin and asked, "You ready, Sunshine?"

Justin smiled brightly. "Yes. So ready!"


	14. A Cloud Looms and a New Day Dawns

Ethan couldn't believe that Justin had left him. He had been sure that the blond would never be strong enough to strike out on his own. He and Justin's relationship had begun as a convenience. The blond was a decent lay, gave excellent head, and took great care of Ethan, cooking, cleaning, and hosting parties for him. On top of that, he paid for more than his share of the bills. Justin always felt like he owed Ethan some debt of gratitude, and Ethan liked to encourage that. It meant that he reaped greater rewards.

Over their three years together, Ethan had come to care about Justin, though, of course, never more than he cared about himself. The fiddler was always keeping score, making certain that he always came out ahead, that what the blond gave him was greater than what he gave back. That was just his nature. He never sacrificed himself for anyone or anything, and he never gave for the joy of giving. However, whatever feelings he had developed for Justin quickly disappeared once the blond had gone off with his lover. Now, all that remained was bitterness, anger, and a keen desire to balance accounts. He figured that Justin owed him for this humiliation, and big, and Ethan planned to cash in as much as was possible.

Ethan couldn't close his and Justin's joint bank account, but he could drain it of all but a nominal amount. And that's exactly what he did. As soon as Justin and his lover had gone, Ethan quickly dressed, headed to the nearest branch ATM, and withdrew as much as he could. He had to make several transactions, but he managed to withdraw the few thousand Justin had been saving, leaving but a paltry couple hundred in the account. Ethan laughed and thought, "You can have all happiness you desire, Justin, but it's gonna cost you!" He still felt that the blond owed him, but his savings was a decent down payment. He'd collect the rest of his due later, after he'd determined the best course of action. Before then, he'd need to work off some of the tension he'd been feeling since finding Justin's lover in his apartment. He headed to Jonathan's place. He needed to replace Justin as soon as possible, and his sweet but shy lover was the perfect choice. After all, he'd been perfectly willing to drop everything and suck Ethan off whenever Ethan could get away. He didn't suck cock quite as well as the blond, but the result was the same, so it didn't really matter.

Justin was blissfully ignorant of his ex-boyfriend's treachery. He and Brian held hands as they walked to a nearby park to finish their breakfast. Justin hadn't walked out in the open like this in a very long time, but he wasn't afraid or freaked out in the slightest. Brian made him feel so safe, safer than he'd felt since before the bashing. Safer than he'd felt since before he'd come out, if he were honest.

As they sat eating muffins and drinking their caffeinated beverages, Brian asked, "So Sunshine, what's next?"

Justin exhaled slowly. Hesitantly, he replied, "I'm not sure. I guess I should find a new apartment."

Brian offered, "If money's a problem, I could help out."

Justin smiled. Brian was so kind. Just another reason he was smitten with the brunet. He said, "That's okay. I have a few thousand saved. That should more than cover first and last month's rent anywhere I'd want to live."

Brian inquired, "So what sort of place are we looking for?"

Justin wrinkled his nose adorably, or so Brian thought, as he contemplated the question Brian had posed. After a few minutes, he replied, "Well…I'm not too picky, but I wouldn't mind a place with big windows on the east side of the building, so I'd have lots of natural light."

Brian asked, "For your painting?"

Justin smiled and answered, "Yeah."

Brian said, a hint of excitement in his voice, "I'm eager to see your work. I have zero artistic skill, but I have an eye for beauty (he leaned in and nudged Justin's nose) and a deep appreciation of fine art."

Justin flashed Brian a million-watt smile. It was such a treat to be with someone who was interested in his art, who respected it.

Justin was so absorbed in his thoughts that he was caught off guard when Brian pulled him into his lap and kissed him. Once the shock had worn off, he kissed the brunet back eagerly and even started rubbing his growing erection against Brian's.

Brian ended their kiss and whispered in the blond's ear, "Why don't we go back to the loft? We can continue where we left off this morning."

Justin giggled. He asked in mock seriousness, "But shouldn't we go apartment hunting?"

Brian chuckled and replied huskily, "Well, we could…but I have this crazy urge to suck your cock…"

Justin laughed nervously and blushed. His pants were suddenly uncomfortably tight.

Brian continued, "I want it to last, too, so I'll have to fuck you first. After that, we can look at housing ads, well, if you haven't passed out from exhaustion by then."

He picked up the now trembling blond and carried him to the jeep.


	15. Slightly Scary Feelings

Brian set Justin in the passenger seat, but Justin couldn't let Brian go just yet. He reached out for the brunet and pulled him in for a slow but deep kiss. Then, he pulled away a little and licked, sucked, and nibbled on Brian's neck, at the pulse point, until Brian's breathing was ragged, and his erection was quite noticeable through the fabric of his tight jeans. Justin suddenly stopped kissing Brian's neck and rubbed his cheek against Brian's. Flushed and breathing heavily, he whispered, so very softly, "Brian, I need you inside me. Right now."

Brian had always been adventurous, but not so crazy as to fuck out in the open off of Liberty Avenue. He had parked on the street right in front of Justin's apartment building, and the city was just waking up, so many people were walking by. Still, something about the blond spurred Brian to do things he'd never even consider under normal circumstances. So he instructed the blond, "Get up on your knees and turn around."

Justin didn't hesitate. He moved until he was on his knees facing the back, and, then, predicting what was to follow, he wrapped his arms around the seat. Brian climbed into the seat with Justin until his body was pressed against the blond's and shut the door. He reached around Justin's waist, unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, and pulled them (and the blond's boxer briefs) down. Next he unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, but he didn't pull them down, merely freeing his hard, leaking cock. He pulled lube and a condom out of his pocket and quickly prepared the blond. Despite the urgency of his movements, he didn't neglect to massage Justin's prostate for a few moments. The blond trembled even more, let out a deep moan, and then begged, "Please, Brian."

Everything, the taste of the blond still on his lips, the warmth of his half-naked body, his trembling, and his desperate entreaty, sent a current of electricity through Brian's blood and straight to his cock, but, at the same time, he was reminded just how fragile the blond still was…strangely, that caused Brian to feel an even stronger desire…not only to bring the blond so much pleasure that he lost consciousness but also to hold him tight, to feel his heart beating, to connect. Brian was afraid to explore his feelings any further. As he unwrapped the condom and sheathed his cock, he couldn't help but notice that he was suddenly trembling himself. He stared at his shaking hands incredulously for a moment before he started moving again. Then remembering that Justin had said his cock was much larger than Ian's, Brian slicked his cock with lube, too. Finally (both he and Justin thought), he started pushing inside the blond. At the very same moment, they exhaled slowly in relief. When Brian was halfway inside the blond, he paused, waiting for him to adjust.

Justin moaned softly, "I need…" Brian immediately thrust all the way inside the blond, causing the blond to moan loudly. Brian slid his hands around the blond's waist slowly and leaned over him until his face was buried in the blond's warm neck. He could still feel Justin trembling beneath him. He was barely managing to control himself. Brian angled his hips and started fucking Justin with slow, shallow thrusts, aiming for his prostate. Justin moaned deeply.

Brian whispered, "Kiss me, Sunshine."

Justin turned his head as far as he could, licked Brian's lower lip, and, then, thrust his tongue inside the brunet's mouth, devouring him with a forwardness Brian had not yet witnessed in the blond. Brian kissed the blond back desperately, and, finally losing whatever small measure of control he'd maintained up till then, he began pounding the blond's ass mercilessly. Justin met Brian's thrusts and kissed him even more passionately, though Brian had not thought it possible. Moments later, they came, at the very same time, both moaning loudly, though their moans were somewhat muffled by their kiss. Justin's orgasm ripped through him, and the world was spinning so fast that he felt as though he might faint; in desperation, he bit Brian's lip, hard enough to draw blood. Brian, somehow sensing that Justin needed an anchor, broke their kiss and bit his neck, but not as hard as he'd done the last time. Then Brian held the blond for a couple of minutes, until their heartbeats slowed and their breathing returned to normal.

Brian pulled up Justin's boxer-briefs and pants and buttoned and zipped his own. Then he reached into the back seat and grabbed a towel he happened to have in his gym bag and cleaned off the passenger seat. He stepped out of the jeep and waited for the blond to get situated, so he could kiss his lips gently. Suddenly, he heard gasps. He turned around to find a crowd of shocked passersby, who, it seemed, had watched the show. He smiled broadly at Justin and, with a tongue-in-cheek expression, said, "I guess we've overstayed our welcome." Justin flashed him a million-watt smile, though he was blushing, too. Brian slowly walked to the other side of the jeep and hopped in, and, then, they sped off.

To Justin's (and Brian's) great surprise, Brian asked suddenly, "Why don't you just stay with me?"

When Justin's eyes widened in astonishment, Brian added, "I mean, I know it's a bit soon, but, I don't know, it might be fun."

Justin asked nervously, "You…you really want me to stay with you?"

Brian looked down but then back over at the blond and stated simply, "I really do."

Justin was having difficulty breathing. When he finally managed to stave off hyperventilation, he responded softly, "I'd like that, too."

Brian squeezed the blond's knee gently and was rewarded with a sunshiny smile.


	16. Making Room

Justin couldn't believe how much had changed in the span of one day. He and Ethan were history, he had been with another man, and he was, in fact, about to move in with that other man. Justin knew that he and Brian weren't creating a home together in the strictest sense. Brian had probably lived in the loft by himself for a long time, and he certainly seemed to have everything he could possibly need for the apartment. But still, Justin wanted to contribute something major, to make himself part of their space in a way that he had not attempted to do at Ethan's.

Back then, with Ethan, he had simply wanted to be as small and as invisible as possible, for he felt that he was intruding. He wanted Ethan to know that he wouldn't be too much trouble, that he wouldn't impose too much. At the time, the hurt of his friends and family's rejection was still fresh, and he felt grateful that any man was willing to welcome him into his life and home. That gratitude colored everything about their relationship. He was always trying not to be a bother, to make himself useful. With Brian, however, the situation was different. Justin had the wherewithal to live somewhere else and Brian knew it, yet he had still invited him to stay. Brian truly wanted Justin there. He wasn't doing Justin a favor. That was an incredible feeling, one that Justin had not experienced in a very long time.

So Justin decided as they were climbing the stairs to the loft that he'd offer to purchase a new bed for them. He would really like for them to have a bed that was just theirs, one in which Brian had not been with anyone else. Justin was so excited by the prospect that as soon as they walked into the loft, he started up his computer and plugged into Brian's Internet. Brian looked at him a little strangely, but he was smiling. This just fueled his excitement. First, he visited his bank's Web site. He needed to check his account so that he knew exactly how much he could spend. He had gotten himself so worked up that when he saw that Ethan had drained their account, that he had stolen everything Justin had saved, he couldn't stop the tears from falling. He covered his face with his hands, so Brian didn't see him crying. He was embarrassed, but he was just so disappointed that he couldn't stop himself.

While Justin was on the computer, Brian had set about emptying a couple of drawers and making room in the closet so that Justin had a place to put his clothes. When he was finished, he returned to the living room. He was shocked to find Justin's mood so drastically altered. He'd been so excited and happy just moments ago.

Brian knelt down in front of the blond, rubbing his thigh and asking, "Sunshine, what's wrong?"

Justin didn't answer. He just shook his head and cried harder. Brian's being so sweet just made him more miserable.

Brian was determined to discover the source of the blond's distress, so he turned the computer to see what Justin had been looking at. It turned out to be a list of transactions. At first, Brian didn't see the problem. But then, he saw that that morning, an hour ago, someone had withdrawn almost four thousand dollars from the account. Brian was livid. He decided then and there that this was simply not going to happen.

He whispered, "Justin, tell me what you wanted the money for."

Justin shook his head again.

Brian repeated, "Come on, Sunshine, tell me."

Justin moved his hands and wiped away his tears. Then, he took a deep breath and stammered, "A…A bed for us."

Brian offered, "But Sunshine, we already have a bed."

Justin shook his head. "No. I wanted to get us one that would just be ours. One only you and I have been together in."

Brian responded, "Ah."

Then he rolled his lips into his mouth, thinking. Clearly, this was important to Justin. Brian didn't want the blond to feel like a guest at the loft, as he must have felt in Ethan's apartment, given Justin's almost non-existent presence there. Brian was going to make Justin's wish a reality.

Brian stated, "Sunshine, I get how much this means to you."

Justin's eyes widened. "You do?"

Brian chuckled. He declared, "I told you that I'm perceptive when I want to be…and with you, I always seem to want to be."

Justin smiled brightly, which Brian took as a sign that he was doing the right thing.

He added, "I'm going to give you my credit card. I want you to pick out whatever bed you want and order it from a local store, one that does same-day delivery."

Justin interjected, "But…"

Brian kissed the blond to silence him and said, "Look, I know you wanted to pay for this yourself and that a certain soon-to-be-dead weasel wrecked that for you, at least temporarily. But, I'm going to get your money back from him, so whatever you spend, I'll just take out of the money I get from Ian and give you the rest. Okay?"

Justin whispered, "You're really going to get it back?"

Brian replied firmly, "Yep. So I'll go do that now…you pick out a bed and don't dillydally. I want to be fucking you in it as soon as possible. Okay?"

Justin giggled. "Okay."


	17. Mikey is Brian's Fairy Godmother?

Brian sat down on a bench in the jail cell and sighed. He wondered whether the cops were ever going to let him make his one phone call. He didn't want Justin to worry, and he'd been gone for hours now.

Thinking back to a few mornings ago, he remembered watching Cinderella with Gus. He still couldn't believe how much his son loved that movie. (Was that a sign he was gay? Was he waiting for his prince to come along and take him to a ball?)

In the movie, Cinderella wished really hard, and her fairy godmother appeared to make her wishes a reality. Maybe if he wished hard enough Justin would magically walk through those doors, perhaps guessing that Brian had been arrested or maybe Emmett would arrive to bail Brian out (he was the biggest fairy Brian knew). Perhaps Emmett just happened to be doing one of the younger cops.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. He was seriously losing it. He berated himself internally, not only because these had to be the silliest thoughts he'd ever had but also because Justin didn't even have a car (and suffered from a people problem), and Emmett was not known for an attraction to the boys in blue. Brian sighed. He'd just have to wait, though, as he'd told Justin but a couple nights ago, patience might be a virtue, but not one of his.

Suddenly, the door leading into the room with the cell in it swung open, and someone seemed to emerge from the sun itself. Brian knew that this was because the room with the cell in it was dark while the hallway was bright, but, still, what an entrance!

Brian's eyes widened (almost to the size of saucers) when he saw who it was: Justin. Against all reason, he was here. Brian jumped up and started to smile, but, then, frowned when he saw that a cop was leading Justin in…Justin was cuffed. Brian just stared. When Justin caught sight of Brian, he laughed and then smiled.

The cop uncuffed Justin and pushed him into the cell. Then he took his leave.

Justin exclaimed, "I can't believe that you're here!"

Brian smirked and said, "That goes double for me, Sunshine. What could you possibly have done to get arrested?"

Justin wrinkled his nose. He stated, "Some freaky weirdo with black hair came to the loft and flipped out when he saw me. I tried to explain, but that just made matters worse. He called the cops immediately."

Brian rubbed his forehead and groaned. Then he looked back up at Justin and smiled a little. "You just met my best friend, Mikey."

Justin raised an eyebrow.

"Despite the insanely terrible impression he must have made on you, he's not all bad. He's just a little possessive and he has a flair for drama."

Justin started laughing. And kept on laughing (for several minutes). Brian was beginning to worry, when Justin stopped (well, mostly). Amidst giggles, he managed to ask, "That, that…was…your…best…best…friend?"

Brian just nodded. But his eyes were dancing. He liked seeing Justin happy, well, laughing and giggling anyway.

Justin looked serious for a moment but then burst out laughing as he asked, "So whaddya in for?"

Brian couldn't help but join him. When they finally managed to get ahold of themselves, they collapsed on a bench next to one another.

Justin asked again, this time more seriously, "So what happened?"

Brian smirked and replied, "I got your money back."

Justin's eyes widened. "Oh no! This is all my fault!"

Brian bumped Justin's shoulder and shook his head. "It isn't your fault."

Justin asked nervously, "So…what happened exactly?"

Brian answered carefully, "I went to the apartment and retrieved the money with little difficulty. I was about to leave when I saw something that pissed me off…and I might have lost it a bit."

Justin asked nervously, "What did you see?"

Brian shrugged. As nonchalantly as he could manage, he replied, "It doesn't matter now."

Justin sighed. "Don't do that, Brian. Don't 'protect' me from the truth. Whatever it is, I can take it."

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth. Then he responded slowly, "Ian had someone there."

Justin stiffened, but said quickly, "I don't care. He and I are broken up. He can see whomever he wants."

Brian sighed. "Ian has been seeing that person since before we even started emailing. Maybe a year."

Justin's eyes lost focus as he repeated softly, "A year?"

He stood up and walked over to the bars, leaning his head against one. He was mortified. Every single person he'd ever known, well, except Brian (so far), had betrayed him in one way or another.

Tears sprung to Justin's eyes. When Brian heard a quiet sniffle, he moved so that he was behind him, arms around his waist, face buried in Justin's longish silky blond hair.

Justin cried, "Do I have 'doormat' printed on my head? Am I cursed? Has no one ever genuinely cared about me?"

Brian lifted his head up, turned Justin so that he was facing Brian, and asked, "Is that what you think? That one day I'll betray you, too?"

Looking into Brian's eyes, mesmerized, Justin replied softly, but confidently, "No. No. I don't think you're selfish like my parents, narrow-minded like my so-called friends, or cruel like Ethan. I've known you the shortest amount of time, and yet, you seem to understand me in a way no one else has, not my ex-best friend or my first boyfriend, first lover, the man I spent three long years with."

Justin's eyes lost focus as he said the last sentence.

Brian wanted to punch something. He couldn't help but think that Justin still loved that evil fuck and that made him crazy. It took all he had to act indifferent as he said, "Even though you've broken up, it's normal to be hurt that he cheated (I think I heard Dr. Phil say that)…You probably still (pause) love him…"

Justin burst out laughing. He said, "Brian, you are so fucking adorable right now…but you are way WAY off."

Brian quirked an eyebrow.

Justin explained, "I'm hurt, yes. Angry, yes. Betrayed, yes. But not because I care that someone else was…suffering through second- or third-rate sex."

Brian chuckled.

"But because I care that I had to suffer through it. I stayed because I thought he loved me...needed me. Yes, I was afraid, but I mostly felt trapped. Terribly guilty every time I thought about leaving. And all that time…he was cheating on me. Fucking bastard! I hope you really hurt him."

Brian laughed. "Would I be here if I hadn't?"

Justin just smiled.


	18. A Little Roleplay

Justin sighed as he paced. "This sucks. We have a beautiful brand new bed to break in at home (a word that brought a smile to his face), and we're stuck in an uncomfortable jail cell. I hope we don't have to stay here all night. I would normally love being trapped here with you, but I have a deadline to meet."

Brian looked up at Justin from the bench. He repeated, "A deadline? What sort?"

Justin blushed a little before he answered, "Well, uh, …"

Brian stood up and approached Justin. He mimicked, "Well, uh…" He chuckled and then asked, "That's Sunshine for 'I have to write some smut,' isn't it?"

Justin nodded as he turned a brighter red.

Brian, now behind Justin, grabbed him by the waist and whispered in his ear, "Well, art imitates life, doesn't it? Or is it life that imitates art?"

Justin smiled brightly and replied softly, "Both. At different times."

Brian spun Justin around and shot him a tongue-in-cheek expression. "Well, Sunshine, prison movies are hot!"

Suddenly, Justin felt warm all over. He laughed and asked, "But how do I get them to jail? That's a pretty unlikely plot twist."

Brian countered with "When's the last time you went to jail?"

Justin looked down and replied, "Never."

Brian tilted his head. "And yet, here you are…"

"Touché."

Brian encouraged Justin, "So…you're the writer…what would you have your characters do in such a setting?"

Justin contemplated this question for a moment. "Maybe role play with a role reversal. My audience eats that sort of thing up."

Brian's eyes widened, and he smirked. He drawled, "You want to fuck me, Sunshine?"

Now it was time for Justin's eyes to widen. He also blushed three shades of red, unconsciously licked his lips, and closed his eyes for a moment as an image passed through his mind. Then, he shook his head.

Brian asked incredulously, "You don't?"

Justin explained quickly, desperate not to give Brian the wrong idea, "No. I mean, yes, yes, I do. God, I do. But I don't want my first time to be here, as hot as it may be…"

"Ah."

"I just meant that maybe I would have the one who is not typically the aggressor, James, seduce Aidan. Maybe Aidan could pretend to be a straight man just sent to prison and James could turn him on, and then start to pleasure him slow…a touch here and there…then maybe a blowjob…finally, he could convince Aidan to let down his defenses and fuck him, which he would really want to do."

"But doesn't that send the wrong message?"

"What do you mean?"

"Won't your readers start trying to turn straight people?"

Justin fixed Brian with an intense gaze as he replied softly, "Love is love…desire is desire. We label ourselves and each other too much. Labels are terribly limiting. A study indicated that men who identify as straight or gay were rarely turned on by a non-standard object of affection, but it did happen. If there were one man on this earth to whom a straight man was attracted and that attraction was stronger than any he'd yet experienced, even though he identified as straight, wouldn't it be stupid to avoid that man? To refuse to pursue those feelings? You don't need to be attracted to all men to be in a happy long-term relationship with one man."

"True…Ok…so I'm straight, and you're going to seduce me."

Justin smiled and nodded.

Brian said, "It's a shame we don't have a tape recorder with us…"

Justin chuckled. "Trust me, there is no way in hell I'll forget any part of this scenario."

Brian stood so that he was facing away from Justin. Justin approached him and turned around so that he could see his face, leaning back on the bars.

"You're new, aren't you?"

"Yeah. So?"

Justin moved so that his lips were as close as they could be to Brian's without touching. "You have beautiful eyes."

Justin ran his finger lightly against Brian's cock (through his jeans).

Brian's penis moved visibly, and Brian cleared his throat uncomfortably, looking down.

Justin moved forward a bit and rubbed his own achingly hard cock against Brian's as he kissed Brian's lips gently.

Brian pushed Justin away and snapped, "I won't let you fuck me!"

Justin laughed. He purred, "I'm not asking to fuck you."

He approached again and traced Brian's cock through the fabric of his jeans.

"But I wouldn't mind having your huge cock in my mouth, maybe even my ass."

Justin leaned forward against Brian and whispered in his ear, "Would you like that? My lips around your swollen cock? I'd lick it from tip to base and take it all into my mouth, sucking on it hard as I deepthroated it. I'd suck your cock until you were quaking with pleasure…until your cock erupted in my hot wet mouth. After that, if you want…"

Justin turned so that his back was against Brian's chest, but he leaned back on Brian's shoulder so he could still whisper in his ear. Then he rubbed his ass against Brian's now rock hard erection.

"…if you want, I'd let you shove your cock deep inside me. I'd let you take me any way you want…hard and fast…or gentle and slow…I'd even let you spank me first or get a little rough. I think I might like it if you shoved me roughly against a wall or the bars and pounded my tight little ass."

Brian moaned and then cursed, "Fuck!"

Then Justin went in for the kill. He spun around again, grabbed Brian's ass as he rubbed his cock against Brian's, and then slid to his knees. He breathed, "You're so gorgeous. I think I'd let you do just about anything you wanted to me. I want you so much my chest aches. Well (he chuckled)…and some other parts."

Though his desire was clearly written in his eyes, on his face, and on his body, Brian stared at Justin warily...but he didn't move as Justin unzipped and unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down.

Justin was a bright red…he was experiencing a lust stronger than he'd ever experienced, even with Brian. It was a little frightening, but he couldn't stop if he wanted to.

He purred, "Tell me you want my mouth on your cock…tell me you want me…"

Brian swallowed hard, grabbed one of the bars tightly, and ran his forehead along it. Then he looked into Justin's eyes and stated, though quietly, "I want your mouth on my cock…I want…I want you…"

A couple seconds later, Justin was devouring him. He grabbed Brian's ass, deepthroated his cock, and then started bobbing his head so fast…desperately.

Brian moaned, threaded his fingers into Justin's silky hair, and whispered, "I want…I want…"

Justin pulled away and looked up.

"What do you want? I really would do anything to please you."

Brian bit his lip to stifle a moan…the blond's voice was so sexy that that alone drove him wild. He growled, "I want to bury my cock in your ass. I need to fuck you now!"

Justin stood up and came close, so close. He breathed, "Take me, I'm yours. Any way you want me."

Brian shoved his jeans all the way down and sat on the bench. As he sheathed his cock, he commanded, "I want you to ride me. I want you to impale your luscious ass on my cock, no lube, and ride me hard. I want you to show me just how much you want me, how much you want my cock inside you."

Justin's breath hitched. He's eyes glazed over with lust, and he licked his lips. He quickly removed his pants, moved so that one leg was on either side of the bench, and pushed down onto Brian's cock. He had to stop halfway, letting out a grunt and closing his eyes tight, but then he slammed down hard, completely burying Brian's cock in his ass.

Brian moaned. Then he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, "How does it feel?"

Justin breathed, "My entrance stings and my ass feels a little sore already, but feeling your huge cock fill me…throbbing inside me…is fucking incredible."

Brian let out a moan from deep within.

Justin kissed Brian hard, passionately, ever deeper, devouring him. Without warning, Justin started riding Brian. Hard and fast. Brian grabbed onto one of the bars tightly, using every ounce of self-control he had to delay his orgasm. Meanwhile, Justin moved Brian's cock not only in and out but also around inside of him. When Brian's cock hit his prostate, he licked his lips and started panting. He rode Brian increasingly harder and faster until Brian let out a guttural cry and came. Justin followed a moment later, shooting stream after stream of white.

Brian let his head fall onto Justin's chest and said, somewhat breathlessly, "Sunshine, I think we just wrote a bestseller."

Justin smiled brightly. Once he was in character, all his shyness had vanished, but now, he blushed furiously as he remembered what he'd said and done.


	19. Paying the Piper

Michael was annoyed. He'd called Brian several times, but his calls had all been sent to voicemail. He'd done something so noble and heroic, but it meant nothing if Brian weren't here (the police station) to give him his due praise. Maybe Brian would reward him with a French kiss. His best friend usually gave him chaste, though tender, pecks, but, every once in a while, when Brian was particularly happy or proud, he'd kiss him for real. Michael lived for those moments.

Michael paced the station, wondering whether he should go looking for Brian but then decided against it. The last thing he wanted was to see Brian fucking some guy. Nothing hurt him worse. He tried Brian's cell phone again. Straight to voicemail. Michael was starting to worry. Maybe that blond squatter had hurt him. He didn't look like he was big enough or strong enough to hurt anyone, but he may have had a gun or a knife. The thought that Brian might be lying somewhere bleeding to death frightened Michael into action. He demanded to see the blond who'd been arrested at the loft. Eventually, the desk clerk summoned someone to take him down.

Michael was nervous. He was never very comfortable confronting people, and he feared he wouldn't be up to the task of prying information about Brian's whereabouts out of the boy. He was never very good at subtle manipulations. Brian had always done that for him when necessary. But this was especially true when Michael was worried. The boy would probably perceive the desperation in his eyes, his body language, and his voice immediately.

Finally, the officer opened the room with the cell in it. Michael wanted to appear confident and strong, so he marched in a second after the door was opened. However, all his bravado drained from his body, as did the color from his face, a moment later. He stopped dead in his tracks, horrified by what he saw. The blond was straddling Brian, and Brian's cock was quite obviously inside him. Worse yet, Brian was smiling, his head resting on the boy's chest. This was bad. Very bad. Brian never spent a moment inside a trick after he'd come. He discarded them as quickly and as casually as the condoms he'd used with them.

Justin caught sight of Michael and the officer, his eyes widening and his entire body turning red in embarrassment. He immediately stood up and turned toward the wall. Justin cursed his luck. His clothes were all the way on the other side of the cell. He'd have to walk toward the strange men (and very close) to fetch them.

Justin's departure, of course, surprised Brian, since his cock was still firmly planted in the blond's ass, and his head was lying on his chest. He looked up to see the source of Justin's alarm, and, once he had, he stood so that Justin was no longer directly in their line of sight and walked up to the pile of clothes, kicking them back toward the blond. He smiled when he heard Justin's soft sigh of relief and rustling, which indicated that he was dressing. Once Brian was sure Justin was covered, he grabbed his own clothes and dressed.

Michael exclaimed, "Brian, what are you doing here?"

The officer interjected, "Wait, Brian as in Brian Kinney?"

Michael, not yet realizing the implication of what the officer was asking, replied firmly, "Yes."

The officer stated in an annoyed voice, "Mr. Novotny, you had Mr. Taylor arrested for breaking and entering, but, clearly, the men know each other."

Michael scoffed, "Not likely. Brian probably met him here for the first time and fucked him out of boredom."

Justin, who was still standing behind Brian, though now fully clothed, glared at Michael, but said nothing.

Brian turned to face the interlopers and said in a calm, but dangerous tone, "Watch what you say about him, Mikey. He's my boyfriend."

The officer stated curtly, "I thought you said he was your best friend."

Michael answered weakly, "He is."

The officer scoffed, "But you don't know his boyfriend?"

Michael replied defensively, "This has to be a joke. Brian doesn't do boyfriends. He…"

Brian cut him off, snapping, "Why don't you let me decide what I do. Justin Taylor is my boyfriend, and, in fact, he just moved in with me."

Michael, aghast, was struck dumb.

The officer apologized, "I'm sorry for the mix-up, Mr. Taylor. If you'll come with me, I'll authorize your release."

For the first time, Justin spoke. He protested, though softly, "Wait, what about Brian? Has his bail been set?"

The officer answered, "Yes. $20,000."

Justin repeated in shock, "$20,000?"

The officer added, "Well, he only needs to pay $2000 today, but it needs to be in cash."

Justin turned to face Brian. Confused, he inquired, "Why didn't you just use the money you had?"

Brian chuckled. "It's not mine, Sunshine. It's yours."

Justin shook his head in consternation. He asked, "Have you forgotten the bed? I spent about that much on it."

He turned back to the officer and stated matter-of-factly, "You should bring Brian up, too. He can make bail."

Brian sighed, but said nothing.

********

Brian and Justin were being processed for release when another officer approached. He seemed familiar, but, for the life of him, Justin couldn't figure out why. He didn't think he'd seen him when he was arrested and processed earlier.

Brian noticed Justin staring at the officer and asked, "You okay, Sunshine?"

Justin smiled and nodded, but Brian still reached for his hand.

Brian knew that this entire experience must have been frightening for Justin, given his 'people problem,' as Brian was wont to call it. He was glad that he'd been there for part of it, but he was furious at Mikey for daring to have someone arrested in his home without talking to him first. With anyone else, he could laugh it off, but Justin was special, in part, because he'd been hurt considerably and by those who were supposed to care about him the most. Brian didn't know all the details yet, but he could see by Justin's behavior and the expression in his eyes and his body language just how much he'd suffered. But that wasn't the only reason. Justin was also special to Brian because he was Justin. Brian couldn't think of one thing he disliked about the blond; everything about Justin struck a chord with him.

Suddenly, Brian's contemplation was interrupted by that officer Justin had been observing strangely. He stared right at Justin and yelled, taunting him, "I remember you! You were that fag the Hobbs boy set straight. How's the brain injury? That'll teach you to try to warp the minds of good God-fearing young people."

Now Justin remembered him. This was the cop who had 'lost' damning evidence against Hobbs, which led to a mistrial. This was the cop who had helped to free Hobbs and to imprison Justin.


	20. Sex, Lies, and Videotape

Brian jumped out of his chair and lunged at the cop. He punched him squarely in the nose, breaking it. Then he grabbed the cop by the throat and started squeezing.

Once he'd recovered from the shock, Justin ran to Brian's side. He wasn't sure what to do.

The cop behind the desk came around and warned, "Let him go or I'll arrest you again. You're in enough trouble as it is, what with putting the Gold boy in the hospital."

Justin's eyes widened at the news, but then he turned his attention back to Brian. He pleaded, "Brian, let him go. Please. He's not worth losing you. I need you with me."

Brian sighed and let the cop fall to the floor.

The crooked cop coughed and then asked his fellow officer, "Why aren't you arresting him?"

The desk cop scoffed, "After what you said? Not likely. If you report this, I'll swear you hit him first."

The dirty cop cursed under his breath and stormed away.

The desk cop informed Justin and Brian that they were free to go.

Once they had retrieved the jeep from the impound and were sitting in it alone, Justin asked, "Ethan's in the hospital?"

Brian nodded.

Justin seemed surprised, but he didn't seem angry at Brian or worried about Ian.

He simply exclaimed, "Wow! What the hell did you see while you were there?"

Brian looked down. He didn't say a word.

Justin tilted his head in confusion and repeated, "Brian? What else did you see while you were there?"

"Please, don't ask me to tell you. Please."

Justin was a little startled by Brian's genuinely beseeching tone, but he forced himself to laugh. He hoped Brian bought it. He scoffed gently, "Brian, I'm not exactly a fragile flower. I've had my share of hardship. I can take it."

Brian sighed and then asked, "Did you know how perverted he is?

Justin's eyes widened. He asked softly, "What do you mean?"

Brian, more to himself than to Justin, muttered angrily, "I should have fucking known something was very wrong with him when you said that he'd never given you head, that he freaked out when you stuck a finger up his ass. That's extremely unusual for an out gay man."

Justin was getting more freaked out by the second. He asked in a strained voice, "Brian, what do you mean by perverted?"

Brian sighed and looked over at Justin. He stated softly, "He has videotapes of you."

Justin's eyes were as large as saucers now. "What? I mean, what kind of videotapes?"

"It looks like he taped every single sex act the two of you engaged in."

Justin paled.

Brian studied the blond and said gently, "I assume that you didn't know. That he didn't bother to get your permission."

Justin shook his head.

Brian gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. He added, "Sometimes, he videotaped you when you were sleeping."

Justin looked over at Brian in alarm. "When I was sleeping?"

Brian replied, trying to keep his voice even, though he didn't quite succeed, "Yes. There were scenes where he was holding you as you slept, and, then, you'd start having some kind of sex dream…which got Ian all hot and bothered. Then, he'd take advantage. He'd get you to start sucking him off, or he'd start fucking you. When you inevitably woke up, you'd have this shocked and disgusted look on your face."

Brian shook his head, trying to erase the images that flooded his mind.

Justin turned bright red and exclaimed in horror, "Oh God. He, he, videotaped that? How humiliating!"

Justin's eyes lost focus. He exited the jeep and walked over to a nearby bench and sat down. Brian followed and sat next to him. Then, he started rubbing Justin's back gently. After a few minutes, Justin asked, his voice nearly a whisper, "Could you tell me what happened in chronological order?"

Brian stood up and clenched and unclenched his fists a few times but then nodded. "I knocked. I heard noises, but no one came to the door. I tried the knob, and it turned, so I went inside. I saw Ian fucking some troll, so I looked away. I happened to see the cash, your money, sitting on the table, so I pocketed it. I was about to leave, when I heard your voice. That gave me pause. I turned around again, looking for the source. Eventually, I realized that it was coming from a TV. They were fucking as they watched you sucking Ian off."

Justin gasped.

Brian continued, "I broke apart the happy couple and decked Ian. The troll ran away, and Ian remained on the floor, so I grabbed the tape out of the camera, which was hooked to the TV, and looked around in case there were more. I saw a whole pile. I looked at parts of a few, seeing enough to figure out what he'd done. When I saw that fucking sicko taking advantage of you in your sleep, I lost it. I beat his face until it was a bloody mess. Then, he started taunting me, saying that there were many, many more tapes. That he'd videotaped all of your sexual encounters and that he planned to make copies and sell them. I grabbed him by the throat, pushed him up against a wall, and started choking him. I said that I'd let him go if he told me where he'd hidden the rest. He just laughed and laughed. I finally let go when he started turning blue. He had bruises all around his neck. I frantically searched the apartment, but couldn't find any more. Then, he started taunting me again, saying derogatory things about you. Before I even realized what I was doing, I'd thrown him across the room. He hit a piece of furniture at an odd angle and fell to the floor. I gathered up the tapes and left. I didn't make it two blocks before the cops pulled me over and brought me in. Apparently, the troll had called them."

Justin's eyes filled with tears as he whispered, "I'm so sorry, Brian."

Brian looked at him sharply and snapped, much more harshly than he meant to, "Why the hell are you sorry? You didn't do anything wrong."

"It's just…you've gone through so much trouble for me, and it got you thrown in jail. Ethan's probably not even badly hurt. He's probably just milking it for all it's worth. Trying to get you into worse trouble."

Brian pulled the boy into his arms and stated softly but firmly, "I don't care. If it means you're safe and happy….and far, far away from Ian…I don't care."

Justin held the man tight and nuzzled his neck.

Brian added solemnly, "I'll get the rest of the tapes while he's still in the hospital…the troll probably has them at his apartment. Then, we can burn them."

Brian pulled back, looked at Justin carefully, and said, "What I don't get is why he wants to make pornos out of them. I mean, you look hot as usual, and you have a huge cock, but Ian…his is so small…and it's obvious from the bored or disgusted looks on your face that he is a substandard lover…Why would he want those tapes to get out? Fuck, if I were him, I'd pay good money to keep them hidden!"

Justin giggled, his eyes lighting up. Brian, as usual with his Sunshine, couldn't help but smile back.

TBC…


	21. The New Bed

When Brian and Justin finally made it back to the loft, Brian remembered the new bed.

After he'd punched in the security code and was about to slide the loft door open, he asked Justin, "Did you manage to get the new bed bought and delivered before Mikey came busting in?"

Justin smiled and nodded, but then turned beet red.

Brian tilted his head and studied Justin carefully. He inquired, his eyes dancing (because he had a feeling that Justin had selected a bed geared toward having incredible sex), "What kind of bed did you get?"

Justin shook his head and replied, "You have to see it. I can't describe it."

Brian raised an eyebrow. "Can't or won't."

Justin giggled. He cried out helplessly, "Just go look."

Justin couldn't even watch. When Brian headed toward the bedroom, Justin stayed in the living room (facing the door), still blushing.

Before Brian reached the stairs, he looked back. When he saw Justin, he said, "Oh hell no! You're coming with me. After all, it is a present from you, and, well, you can guess how important beds are to me, particularly my own."

Justin turned to face Brian and was about to follow, but hesitated. Brian just stared and smiled, waiting. Finally, Justin joined him. He was a bundle of tension.

Brian's eyes grew wide when they lighted on the bed. He breathed, "Wow!"

Justin asked shyly, "Do you like it?"

Brian laughed. "Are you fucking kidding? I love it!"

The bed had a wrought iron bed frame (including a headboard and footer) as well as a canopy frame (but no canopy). The headboard, footer, and the top of the canopy frame (facing down) all had mirrors attached. The tops of the headboard and footer were cushioned wrought iron poles (that is, wrapped in soft black plastic with padding in the middle). In the center sat a mattress (no box spring); it was soft but not too soft and firm but not too firm. The silk sheets were black, and the duvet (also made of silk), deep red, as was the rectangular silk cushion on the wrought iron bench at the foot of the bed. Justin had also purchased two new fluffy pillows (they had black pillowcases on them), as well as smaller rectangle-, square-, triangle-, and circle-shaped silk pillows, some black and some the same deep red as the duvet and the bench cushion. In addition, Justin had purchased slim wrought iron nightstands with round flat tops.

Brian approached the bed and touched the headboard mirror. Astonished, he asked, "Are these plastic mirrors?"

Justin just nodded.

Brian walked up to Justin and nudged his nose. He whispered, "This is one naughty bed…with so many 'fucking possibilities' that it's making me a little dizzy…do the sling and the silk bondage ties come with or do we need to purchase them separately?"

Justin blushed and replied softly, "The bed didn't come with any bondage equipment, but it did come with deep red curtains. I didn't put them up because I didn't know whether you'd like the idea."

Brian grinned. "How regal!"

He looked around the room for a couple minutes and then noted, "We need candles or maybe just some red track lighting for the wall. Bright or brightly colored light would ruin the 'ambience.'"

Justin flashed Brian a million-watt smile. He was thrilled beyond belief that Brian was happy with the bed. So happy in fact that he was willing to alter the bedroom's décor a bit to suit it.

Brian pulled Justin against him roughly and, his voice husky, whispered into his ear, "Wanna give it a test run? I bet you'd look amazing splayed out wantonly on red silk..."

Having been so nervous about the bed before and now perceiving Brian's intense desire, which still intimidated him a little, Justin started to tremble. Attempting, with minimal success, to keep his voice even, he replied, "There's nothing I'd love more, but I should probably do some writing first."

Brian pulled back and looked at him in shock for a moment. Then, his easy confidence returned as he drawled, "I bet you'd write better smut if you had a little inspiration first."

Justin asked softly, "You think so?"

"Yes. So I propose that we fuck both immediately before and after."

Justin was a little hypnotized by Brian's beautiful eyes, his sultry voice, and his soft smile. He continued to gaze at the brunet for a minute or two after he'd finished speaking but then shook his head and laughed. Finally, he responded, "That sounds like an excellent plan."

Then, suddenly, he cried out, "Oh wait! I should shower first. I must be gross as hell by now."

Brian sniffed Justin's neck all over, beginning with the right side. Then, he pulled off the blond's shirt and sniffed his chest and his belly. At first, Justin was puzzled, but, then, he started giggling; he was actually quite ticklish. Finally, Brian unbuttoned and unzipped Justin's pants, pulled them down, and sniffed all over his thighs. He stood back up and, with a smirk, drawled, "You smell good to me, Sunshine. But we can take a shower first if you want."

Justin smiled in relief. He'd been so nervous when Brian was 'inspecting' him. He knew he'd be much more confident after a shower. Suddenly, what Brian said sunk in. Justin asked nervously, "We?"

Brian smirked. In a serious tone, he declared, "But of course. We need to be socially responsible. We only have one earth, you know." Justin just stared at him, his eyes widening in shock. Then, Brian burst out laughing (causing Justin to laugh) and pulled Justin into the bathroom.

Once they were both naked and in the shower, Brian washed and conditioned the blond's hair and rubbed soap all over his body. _All_ over his body. The entire time, Justin struggled with insane desire and incredible shyness, both of which Brian's ministrations were inspiring.

He was both disappointed and relieved, mostly relieved, when Brian wrapped him in a big fluffy towel.

Brian had actually managed to find some candles, buried in the bathroom closet. He'd suddenly remembered that Lindsay had given him a couple tall red candles for Christmas one year, along with a couple different shower gels he'd never used. He couldn't believe he'd even kept the gift, but, at the moment, he was quite pleased that he had, as the sun was setting, but the blue track lighting just didn't seem right. He lit the candles and set one on each nightstand.

While he'd been looking for the candles, Justin had laid on the bed naked. Brian knew he was there, but couldn't really see him in the dying light. But when Brian lit the candles, the blond came into clear view and actually took his breath away, his creamy white skin and longish silky blond hair making a beautiful contrast with the deep red of the silk duvet. His inner Mikey mocked him mercilessly for this 'lesbianic' reaction.

Brian turned the bathroom light off and climbed onto the bed next to Justin. Justin didn't move or say a word; he just watched Brian curiously.

Brian leaned over Justin and caressed his face gently, causing the blond's skin to flush and his breath to hitch in his throat. Then, Brian slid his hand behind Justin's head and, with no prelude, pulled him into a ravenous kiss. The blond was stunned for a moment, but then responded eagerly, even going so far as to pull the brunet on top of him. When Brian rubbed his erection against the blond's, Justin moaned low in his throat, slid his hands over Brian's ass, and pulled him closer.

Suddenly, Brian broke their kiss, leaving Justin breathless and confused. Brian moved downward, laying open-mouthed kisses in a trail down the blond's body. When Justin realized what Brian was doing, or about to do, he shivered in anticipation. He closed his eyes for a moment in an attempt to calm himself a little (he would be mortified if he came the moment the man engulfed his cock, but that was a distinct possibility). When he opened them, Brian wrapped his hand around the base of Justin's cock and swirled his tongue around the tip, lapping up his precum, which caused Justin to inhale sharply. Brian smiled and then began sucking (hard) on the head of Justin's cock as he swirled his tongue around it. Brian wanted to give Justin the maximum possible sensation, since this was his first time. Justin moaned softly in response.

Brian then inched Justin's cock into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the shaft as he did so. When Brian had enveloped Justin's entire cock, he pulled back and then slid his lips sideways down Justin's shaft, sucking on his cock like it was a Creamsicle (all the way around). Brian glanced up at Justin and smiled. He was watching Brian, his eyes half-lidded with desire and his face flushed. Coupled with his slightly swollen lips and the dark hickey on his neck marking him as Brian's, Brian thought the blond looked a little sullied, a little wanton, but all the hotter for it, all the more beautiful, like a fallen angel. Brian's inner Mikey, hands on his hips (of course), demanded to know when Brian had become a girl, but Brian ignored him and gazed at the blond for a moment longer before proceeding to engulf Justin's cock in his hot wet mouth. Then, he began bobbing his head up and down, drawing Justin's cock all the way into his throat on each downstroke (the first time he did so, Justin cried out loudly, "Oh Brian!").

Justin began panting and moaning, and, before long, he breathed, "Brian, I'm close. So close." Brian pulled away and actually sat up. Then, he crawled up Justin's body until the blond's lips were within reach of his own and sent them crashing down onto the blond's, devouring his mouth. Justin moaned softly into Brian's mouth, sending a thrill throughout Brian's body. He fucking loved how responsive Justin was to his kisses, well, to everything really. After a couple of minutes, Brian pulled away, causing the blond to whimper, and crawled back down to the foot of the bed.

Brian bent Justin's knees until his feet were laying flat on the bed, lubed up a couple of fingers, and started tracing circles around Justin's entrance. Justin giggled the second Brian touched his entrance, probably a response to the cold. Then, Brian pushed a finger inside the blond while simultaneously wolfing down his cock. The tip of Justin's cock entered Brian's throat just as Brian's finger reached Justin's prostate, causing Justin to throw back his head and moan loudly. Brian continued to deepthroat Justin as he massaged his prostate. Before long, Justin's body was quaking as he neared completion.

Once again, Brian pulled away, sitting up. Justin's eyes flew open in surprise. Brian couldn't suppress a chuckle. Justin watched in fascination (in the mirror at the foot of the bed) as Brian thrust another finger inside him and scissored them. As he did so, he caressed Justin's thigh.

When Justin relaxed a bit, Brian pushed a third finger inside him while also, unexpectedly, wolfing down his cock. The tip of Justin's cock entered Brian's throat just as all three of Brian's fingers reached Justin's prostate. This time, Justin arched his back as he threw back his head and moaned again (loudly), but this time also crying out, "Brian, oh, Brian, that feels so good!" Brian continued to deepthroat Justin (but this time faster and with greater suction) as he massaged his prostate with (now) three fingers. Brian gently caressed Justin's tightening balls with his other hand and had just let his fingers drift to the blond's perineum when he cried out, "Oh fuck!"

Suddenly, Justin started moaning uncontrollably (and more loudly than ever), "Ohh, Ohhhh, Ohhhhhh, Ohhhhhhhh!!!" as his orgasm exploded, shattering his vision into a rainbow of sparkling colors. He shivered even as heat radiated outward from his groin and rippled throughout his body, which also, strangely, seemed to hum and thrum with electricity. Seconds after Justin's orgasm struck, a wave of dizziness washed over him, making his body feel lighter and lighter until he seemed to be floating, drifting into a pleasant darkness. He whispered, "Brian," and then the world disappeared.

When Justin regained consciousness, he found he was nestled snugly in Brian's arms. He smiled softly and said, "Let me guess. You rocked my world."

Brian chuckled. In a rare display of bashfulness, he replied softly, "You tell me."

Justin flipped over onto his belly and lay his head on his hands, which were on Brian's chest. He observed Brian closely. He smiled and stated simply, "Yes."

Brian prodded with a smirk, "Yes, what?"

Justin declared, "Yes, Brian Kinney, also known as Enigma, and to your best friend, my ex, and a random cop, also known as, my new boyfriend, you, Brian, rocked my world!" He topped his declaration off with a dazzlingly bright smile.

Brian held Justin's gaze, an intense look in his eyes. He pulled Justin all the way on top of him, caressed his cheeks, and then pressed his forehead gently against Justin's.

Suddenly, Brian looked up, as though remembering something. He exclaimed with a laugh, "By now, half of gay Pittsburgh may know that I have a boyfriend!"

Justin's eyes widened. "Really? How?"

Brian only said one word, "Mikey."

"Oh…" Justin was suddenly tense and, oddly, deflated, fraught with doubt. Was Brian angry or otherwise unhappy about news of their relationship getting out? Did he regret asking Justin to be his? Did he regret following him home that morning or inviting him to move in?

Brian studied Justin carefully, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes. "I can see your brain working overtime. What's going on in there, Sunshine?"

Justin stammered nervously, "Nothing really…it's just…I was wondering whether you were experiencing dater's remorse…"

Brian replied firmly, "I don't do regret. I wanted you. Fuck, I still want you. The difference is, now you're all mine."

Brian sat up, situating Justin on his lap, wrapped his arms around his waist, and started licking, sucking on, and nibbling the left side of his neck. After a few minutes, Justin moaned, "Need you. Inside me. Now."

Brian pulled back, and his eyes met Justin's. They were dark with desire. Brian breathed, "Go kneel in front of the headboard."

He didn't need to tell Justin twice. Justin scrambled off his lap and into a kneeling position. Brian moved to kneel behind Justin, sheathed his cock, and ran his hand tenderly from Justin's neck down to his ass. He nuzzled Justin's neck, and, then, out of the blue, he whispered, "Sunshine, what were you thinking about when I was sucking you off?"

Justin looked down into the mirror and observed Brian, but was unable to read his expression.

Justin paused for a moment, but then replied softly, "I was a little in awe of you…(Justin flushed due to both embarrassment and the desire the memory evoked) your bronze skin looked even warmer in the candlelight, the gold flecks in the brown pools of your eyes glittered (Brian rested his cheek against the back of Justin's neck, not wanting Justin to see the expression in his eyes, how moved he was, how much he relished Justin's description of him), the blond highlights in your hair seemed to glow, your lean lithe form moved so gracefully, and you so dexterously played my body, as though it were an instrument, teasing out such complex feelings and drawing from me, despite my shyness, sounds I've never in my life made…the experience was so surreal…(both Justin's voice and his body began to tremble a bit) to have a god at my feet thinking only of pleasuring me. While you were teasing me, I became painfully aware of my weakness when it comes to you; I was so desperate for your touch…and then I was exploding, falling, and floating, and all coherent thought disappeared."

The moment Justin stopped speaking, Brian pushed his now throbbing cock into him (Brian was grateful that he'd already prepared the blond), pushed it all the way in, in one go, serendipitously hitting Justin's prostate on this first thrust. Brian wondered if he'd ever be able to be as open as Justin had just been. He ached a little to tell Justin how beautiful he'd looked while he was pleasuring him, but he wasn't sure he could. Instead, he started to touch Justin everywhere, caressing every inch of Justin's skin that he could reach while also kissing his neck gently and thrusting into him slowly. When Justin leaned his head back onto Brian's shoulder and moaned, Brian captured his lips in a deep kiss, kissing him like he'd never have another chance. A few moments later, Justin blindly reached for the top of the head board, and, when his fingertips glanced over it, he grabbed onto the padded pole tightly and started meeting Brian's thrusts, trying to quicken the pace.

Brian wanted to laugh. As desperate for his touch as Brian might make Justin feel, Justin induced a similar lack of control in him. Brian shut his eyes tight and bit his lip hard, trying desperately to ignore the temptation to fuck Justin as fast and as hard as he possibly could. But he knew it was hopeless. Soon he was doing exactly that. He grabbed Justin's hips and pounded his prostate. Mercilessly. In response, Justin panted, moaned, and, even, mewled.

Brian's body began to tremble as he fought to delay his orgasm. Finally, unable to hold back any longer, in any sense of the word, Brian grabbed Justin's cock firmly and began stroking it in time with his thrusts. Then, Brian whispered, "Before…I stopped to look at you. Your eyes were dark with desire, and your lips, slightly swollen. Your face was flushed, and the hickey I gave you stood out dark against your pale skin. In that moment, you looked a little sullied, a little wanton, but all the hotter for it, all the more beautiful, like a fallen angel…"

Justin was astonished that Brian had had such thoughts about him and even more astonished that he was giving them voice.

The moment Brian stopped speaking, they both came. Hard. Moaning loudly and crying out each other's names.


	22. Another Brainstorming Session

After Brian and Justin had christened the new bed, they took a nap. Now they were awake again, and Justin was trying to write. He lamented, "I promised my readers a smutty update of _Innocence_, but I need more time to frame the prison sequence if I'm going to include it."

Brian paced as he contemplated. He was still naked, which Justin wasn't sure how to take. It excited him, but it also made him feel a little embarrassed and shy. Brian's naked form was much, much different from Ethan's. Justin never even noticed when Ethan was naked, but he was having trouble focusing on anything else now that Brian was walking around in the buff. Several times, Brian had caught the blond staring at his cock or his ass. Justin had quickly looked away and blushed deeply each time.

Suddenly, Brian piped up, jolting Justin out of his haze (he had been staring at Brian's naked ass again) and nearly sending him tumbling out of his chair, suggesting, "How about doing a day dream sequence. James could use it as fodder for his work."

Justin nodded slowly. Brian really was an idea man. A few moments later, Justin cried out eagerly, "How about a different first meeting, when they are still teenagers."

"I like where this is going."

Justin pondered for a moment before he started to type. Brian read over his shoulder.

_Aidan and I met in our junior year, when I transferred to his high school. My parents were divorcing, so they'd sold the house. My first day, Aidan and I had history class together, and, as luck would have it, I was only one row over and one seat up. The teacher introduced me, so I stood and said hello. The moment I caught sight of Aidan's wavy chestnut brown hair and enigmatic hazel eyes, I was smitten. After I sat back down, I thought I could feel his eyes on me. I looked back, and our eyes met. Discomfort was evident in his tight face and rigid posture, but he didn't turn away. His eyes wore a look of surprise. I wondered what that could mean. I felt the heat of his gaze on me a couple more times during class, but I dared not look back to confirm that he was in fact staring at me._

_I didn't see Aidan again until gym class. I detested sports and didn't play all that well. Because I was an artist, and ambidextrous, I could catch a ball, but we were playing outdoor soccer that day; I always managed to trip over my own feet when I played soccer, more so today, since I knew that he could be watching, and probably was, if the chills I was experiencing were any indication. I was so busy making sure that I didn't make an ass out of myself that I avoided looking at him like the plague. But when the ball came hurtling straight toward my face, I couldn't help but gaze at him, for he jumped in front of me to deflect the ball with his head, probably saving me from a broken nose. Unfortunately, in doing so, he'd thrown me off balance, and I fell over, like the graceless freak I was. But I wasn't sorry. A moment later, he took me by the hand and pulled me up (His skin was surprisingly soft). Then he laid a hand on my shoulder to steady me, as the feel of his skin on mine had made me a little dizzy, and I was wobbly._

_Despite everything, Aidan smiled at me, and his eyes lit up when I smiled back._

_Later, I saw him in the showers. He walked past me, and I swear, for a few seconds, his eyes darkened with a lust that both scared and thrilled me. I turned around quickly to hide my growing erection, but no thought, no matter how unpleasant, could banish the image of his naked form and the animal lust I'd seen in his beautiful eyes. In the end, I pressed my body up against the red and white tile. The cold did what my willpower could not._

Brian broke Justin's train of thought with a giggle. He stated playfully, "I may need to try that."

Justin turned to look at Brian and burst out laughing when his nose nearly grazed Brian's fully erect cock.

Justin responded with a bright smile. "That's a good sign my readers will like it."

_My next gym class was cancelled due to an assembly. So for the next few days, Aidan and I didn't speak, but, whenever I saw him in between classes, which was pretty often, he always seemed to be looking at me. Looking at me with the same mixture of discomfort and surprise, maybe fascination, that he'd exhibited in class that first day._

_If I thought his behavior was puzzling during the week, his behavior on Saturday was even more puzzling. It was 3:00 pm. I was in my room drawing, drawing a certain hazel-eyed Adonis in fact (as I remembered him in the shower; that image had been haunting my dreams), when who should suddenly appear at my bedroom door but the object of my affection in the flesh._

_My mother, a beautiful blond woman with shoulder-length blond hair a few shades darker than my own, a warm tan, and a bright smile, ushered him in and then glided down the hall, smiling and humming. I was always so shy that I made few friends, and I almost never had visitors. She must have taken Aidan's visit as a sign that I was thriving in my new school._

_Aidan stood in the doorway and actually looked nervous as he explained his presence. He stammered…_

Brian interrupted the narrative with a not-so-subtle cough.

Justin turned and smiled. He raised an eyebrow and asked, "Do you have an objection?"

Brian's reply was short, just one word, and it was more of a question. He inquired incredulously, "Stammered?"

Justin responded in a mock indignant tone, "What's wrong with stammered?"

Brian just tilted his head and smiled. Justin chuckled and said, "Ok, stammered is out. How about this?"

_He stated, a bit too quickly…_

Brian kissed Justin on the cheek and replied softly, "Much better."

The gentleness of Brian's kiss and the softness in his voice gave Justin a delicious chill. Once it had passed, he started typing again.

_Aidan stood in the doorway and actually looked nervous as he explained his presence. He stated, a bit too quickly, "I was on my way to John's house, when one of my tires blew out. I managed to change it, but, then, I realized I was just a few doors down from your house, so I thought I'd say hello."_

_He must have been telling truth, about the tire anyway, because his hands were black with dirt and oil. I couldn't believe he'd made a point to find out where I lived. I was so flattered and surprised that I was floating as I showed him to the bathroom so that he could wash up. When he returned, I asked him to join me on the floor. By then, I had switched sketchbooks. I wasn't sure whether he was gay; but even if he was, I didn't want him to know how much I was already crushing on him._

_Aidan flopped down so that he was leaning on a pillow I had placed next to me. He did so in one graceful movement. I was amazed. I could never be that graceful, that cool. I was way too self-conscious._

_Aidan asked nonchalantly, "So what do you have here?"_

"_My sketchbook."_

_He asked softly, "You draw?" I was so flattered by the awe in his voice that I blushed. I couldn't even manage a verbal response. I just nodded._

"_May I see?"_

_I pushed it toward him and, then, tried to appear as though I were not studying his facial expression nervously, although, of course, I was. I wanted him to be impressed, but I'd only started drawing the year before. _

Suddenly, Brian pushed Justin's hands away from the keyboard, though gently, and typed as he leaned over him. Justin could feel Brian's breath on his neck and hear the dull thud of his heart beating.

_Aidan's eyes widened as he flipped the pages, staring at each drawing intently for a few long moments before turning to the next. After he'd examined each one, he whispered, "These are fucking incredible. You should go to art school."_

_Blushing, I replied, "I was actually thinking of applying to the art institute here."_

_Suddenly, Aidan exclaimed, "You should put something in the school art show!"_

_My eyes widened in both surprise and terror. I asked, "What?"_

"_The school art show is coming up, but I don't think the deadline has passed. You'd win for sure."_

_Blushing a deeper pink, I shook my head. "I don't think I'd be comfortable. I'm still new at drawing, and I'm not very good."_

_Aidan disagreed, "I meant what I said. Your drawings are incredible. It'd be a shame if you didn't enter."_

Brian moved his hands away from the keyboard, and Justin smiled up at him before starting to type once more.

_I was saved by my mother's entrance, though it wasn't much of a save. She'd brought sodas and cookies. Cookies? She might as well have brought us juice boxes instead of sodas. I was mortified. I quickly shooed her out of the room, but my fears seemed to be warranted, for Aidan stood up and said, "I should go. Changing that tire took a while, and John is expecting me."_

_I was so disappointed that I didn't trust my voice. I just nodded and smiled, though I couldn't manage more than a country club smile. But I smiled for real when Aidan asked, "Are you doing anything later? A bunch of my friends and I are having a party tonight. Do you want to go with me? I could pick you up. Say 8?"_

_Before I could temper my response, I replied excitedly, "I'd love to!"_

_Aidan chuckled. "8 it is."_

_Then, he was gone. _

_Aidan picked me up at 8 on the dot. On the ride over, I was in heaven. Unfortunately, I was in for a rude awakening. This rude awakening had a name. __Susie__. She was the head cheerleader and Aidan's girlfriend, which shouldn't have been too surprising, as I'd learned on the way over that Aidan was the star soccer player and that the soccer team was the school's pride and joy._

_When Susie, a petite, but busty brunette, ran up to Aidan, he looked shocked and none too pleased. But that was precious little comfort when she stuck her tongue into his mouth and started grinding against him. I felt ill. I couldn't even watch, so I turned away._

Brian laughed at the name Susie, but said nothing else.

_But my attention was drawn back when I heard Aidan ask sharply, "Weren't you supposed to be camping with your family?"_

_Susie smiled and bounced a couple of times as she replied excitedly, "Yes, but I got out of it at the last minute. I knew you wouldn't want to be away from me for so long."_

_I was happy to hear that Aidan was as surprised by her presence as I was, but that didn't help much. He had a girlfriend, and she was at the party, hanging all over him. This wasn't a date after all._

_When Susie wandered over to chat with her girlfriends and Aidan and I were alone again, well, a short distance away from everyone else, I said, "I'm not feeling too good. I should probably go home. But don't worry about taking me. I can call for a ride."_

_Aidan looked over at Susie and then back at me. His face was flushed. Suddenly, he pulled me outside by my arm and then took my hand (my heart was beating so hard, I thought it might burst out of my chest) as he led me to the garage. It was actually kind of nice. It had carpet and furniture. _

_Aidan sat on the couch and pulled me onto his lap, arranging me so that I was straddling him. As we sat in the dark, he whispered in my ear, a little breathlessly, "Look, I…I've never been attracted to another guy before…"_

_I asked in a tiny voice, "You're attracted to me?"_

_Aidan responded helplessly, "Yes."_

_Then, his whisper became a soft growl. "I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing, but it's in my nature to pursue what I want, and…I want you."_

_My breath hitched in my throat. Before I could recover, Aidan caught my lips up in his roughly and thrust his tongue into my mouth. This was my first kiss, so I wasn't sure what to do. I pushed my tongue into Aidan's mouth and tried to follow his lead. My cock hardened immediately, and a wave of heat washed over me, leaving me a little dizzy. The world seemed to recede. All that existed were Aidan's strong arms around my body and his delicious mouth devouring mine. Before I even realized what I was doing, I started grinding my cock against his, which was in a similar condition as my own. Aidan squeezed my ass, causing me to moan softly in his mouth._

_Suddenly, we heard a high-pitched voice calling Aidan's name. Susie. Aidan broke our kiss and growled, "Fuck!"_

_Then more softly, he said, "Wait on the other side of the room. It's so dark in here that she won't see you. I'll get rid of her as quickly as I can."_

_I was so stunned by Susie's impending arrival and still so dizzy from the kissing that I didn't move or say a word. Aidan seemed thrown by my silence. He asked, a little hesitantly, "Do you mind?"_

_His question pulled me out of my haze. I took a deep breath and said firmly, "No." I wanted him liked I'd wanted nothing before. I wouldn't, couldn't, pull away._

_I quickly moved to the other side of the room and hid behind another couch. _

_I was trying not to listen, but when the words "Fuck me, Aidan!" came out of Susie's mouth, they seemed so loud that they resounded in my head like a struck bell. _

_I don't know what came over me or what I thought I was doing. All I knew was that I had to stop this. I stood up and moved until I was in Aidan's line of sight. Despite the fact that Susie was on her knees frantically unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans, his eyes followed me. Where I got the courage, I don't know, but as I held Aidan's gaze, I unzipped my pants and pulled my cock out of my briefs. It was still as hard as steel from our earlier encounter. I ran my fingers lightly over my erection and smiled when I saw him lick his lips. Encouraged, I grabbed my shaft and started stroking myself slowly, never allowing my eyes to close, not even to blink, and never allowing my eyes to wander. _

_For a moment, Aidan's expression was like that of a predator. He pushed Susie away, but not roughly, and said, in a firm voice, "Susie, I pulled a muscle at practice yesterday. It still hurts."_

_She cried, "Oh, poor baby! Let me make it all better. Where does it hurt?"_

_Aidan snapped, "You just don't get it!" But then he added playfully, "I'm in no condition to fuck you properly."_

_She nodded and said in a very serious tone, "Oh…ok. I'm sorry, baby."_

"_It's okay. Just…go back in. I'm going to get more beer. I'll be back in no time."_

_Susie sighed despondently, but left._

_Seconds later, Aidan's body was pressed against mine. He pushed my back against the nearest wall, kissing me, his tongue exploring my mouth, his hands on my ass, pulling me closer, grinding our cocks together. He growled, "What was that little show for? Do you want me to fuck you? Is that it? Do you want my cock pounding into your ass?"_

_Softly, I moaned, "Yes. Yes. Yes."_

_I heard his breath hitch in his throat. A few seconds later, a bit recovered, he yanked my still-unzipped pants (and my briefs) down and then his. Then he spun me around so that my chest was pressed against the wall. He caressed my ass, now roughly, now softly. _

_Soon, I felt his naked cock entering me. It hurt so much I thought I might die, but I bit back my tears. This is what I'd wanted, what I still wanted, pain and all; I wanted to be as close to him as was humanly possible._

Brian exclaimed, "Fucking Christ, that's hot!"

Justin laughed, but the story was having no small effect on him. His breath was ragged, and his cock, painfully erect.

Brian bent down and whispered in Justin's ear, "You did that for me, Buttercup. You boldly, brazenly, exposed yourself and your desire, even going so far as to admit that you jerked off to thoughts of me, not once, but many times. Like James does with Aidan, you awoke the predator in me, teasing me until I could do nothing but discard the familiar and take you, possess you in every sense of the word. That first morning, when you said that you needed to leave, I suspected that you meant to return to someone else's bed, however reluctantly, and I lost control. I pushed you up against a pillar and, despite my intention to fuck you slow, pounded your luscious ass…holding you so tight and biting you so hard that I left marks on your hips and neck. You were mine, and I needed that someone else to know it."

The sound of Brian's voice, now a low growl, set Justin's body on fire. He breathed, "You marked me much sooner than that, Enigma. The moment I knew you existed, I was yours, all yours.

Brian spun the chair around so that they were facing each other and then bent down in front of Justin. He quirked an eyebrow and inquired, "Were you?"

Justin stated firmly, almost indignantly ("How could Brian dare ask that question? How could he not know?"), "Yes. You set me aflame, every part of me, first my imagination, then my body, and finally, my heart. All my dreams, all my experiences, paled in comparison to what we shared in just a week."

Brian wanted to look away, to hide the vulnerability and _that other feeling_ (as he had coined it), the feeling he'd first experienced in the jeep as they'd ma—, er fucked. He was sure these things were evident in his eyes, which made him incredibly uncomfortable. But he was mesmerized by what he saw in Justin's, what he heard in Justin's voice. He thought, "Oh God" and swallowed hard. When he finally managed to speak, he asked, somewhat timidly, "Are you still?"

Justin seemed to be mesmerized, too, though by what Brian was uncertain. The blond simply nodded, all the while gazing at Brian.

Observing Justin's flushed cheeks, his plump lips, parted slightly, his entranced, almost fearful expression, and his obvious erection, Brian was suddenly struck by a desire stronger than any he'd yet known. His voice husky, he challenged Justin. "Prove it."

Justin froze for a minute, unsure how he could satisfy Brian's request. Then, he had an idea, a couple of them actually. He surprised Brian by standing up and softly padding into the bedroom. A moment later, he returned with a sketchpad in his hand. He stood in front of Brian and said, "There are only three things that I never gave Ethan. This is one of them."

Justin handed Brian the sketchpad. Brian was confused for a moment. But then he looked at the drawings inside. He saw pages and pages of men that all bore a striking resemblance to him. When he looked up, Justin was blushing, but he held Brian's gaze, determined to overcome his shyness and the insecurity stemming from his diminished drawing ability.

Resolute, Justin explained, though both his voice and his body were trembling, "In the three years I was with Ethan, I never drew him. Not once. But the night you first emailed, I tried to imagine what you looked like and drew what I imagined. I've done that every day since, well, except for today."

Brian's eyes widened, and he exclaimed, "That's fucking amazing! How could you come so close without seeing me?"

Justin shook his head and smiled. He replied, "I'm not sure, but…I…"

Brian nudged Justin with the sketchpad and asked, "You what?"

Justin looked directly at Brian as he answered, "I feel as though Aidan was based on you. As though, somehow, I knew you before we met."

Then he shook his head again and turned a brighter red. He muttered, "I know it sounds crazy…"

Brian laughed. He admitted, "You're right. It does sound crazy. But who am I to talk? I asked you to be my boyfriend and agreed to stop tricking to get you to say yes. Then I asked you to move in with me. My best friend, Mikey, would have had me committed had he been here to see it. Or taken me to a priest for an exorcism."

Justin laughed. Loudly. When Justin recovered from his laughing fit and fell silent, Brian asked, amusement infused in his voice, "So…what are the other two things?"

Justin looked down for a moment but then lifted his head slowly until his eyes met Brian's. He took a deep breath and said, "You're probably going to laugh…but…"

Suddenly, the amusement in Brian's eyes disappeared, and he stated very seriously, "I won't laugh." After a long pause, he added, in a softer voice, "I promise." Brian's inner Mikey popped up to ask, in his high-pitched drama queen voice, hands on his hips, "Since when does Brian Kinney make promises?" Brian simply ignored him.

Justin cleared his throat and then said softly, "I never gave Ethan my courage."

Brian stared at Justin in confusion. He said helplessly, "I don't understand."

Justin nodded and smiled weakly. He explained, "With Ethan, I never took the initiative in any way. I never initiated sex…I never went searching for concerts to attend and then asked him to go. I would accompany him, but he was always the one to ask, and he had to pressure me into going. Every time."

He blushed and then added, "But I…I would happily go anywhere with you..."

He approached Brian, took his hand, and pulled him to a standing position. Then he whispered, "and I…"

He paused for a moment as he gently caressed Brian's face, but, then, he continued, "I want to be less timid when it comes to sex with you, and not just when we're role playing."

Justin's words, spoken so softly, combined with the fire in his eyes and the slight trembling of his hands as he continued to caress Brian's face sent a delicious shiver through Brian's body, and, for a moment, he felt as though he were falling and then floating, a sensation very like the sensation people experience on an airplane when it begins its descent.

Justin swallowed hard and then said, in a tremulous voice, "That actually brings me to number 3. I…I never fucked Ethan. I told you before that he never wanted me to penetrate him with any part of my body, and that's true, but what I didn't say was that even if he had wanted me to, I wouldn't have done it."

Brian's eyes widened in surprise. He asked, "Why not?"

Justin let his hands fall to Brian's shoulders and took a deep breath, but held his gaze as he replied, "Ethan almost never looked at me when we had sex, and…I preferred it that way. I'd had so many bad experiences with people before I met Ethan that I didn't feel comfortable allowing myself to become vulnerable. To show much of myself or my feelings. It was enough that Ethan didn't leave or recoil in horror. That he wanted to touch me."

Brian stiffened. He couldn't imagine anyone not wanting to touch Justin. Of course, three years ago, Justin would have been 17 or 18, Brian guessed. That was probably when he came out. If the people he was talking about were homophobic, they probably would find him repugnant. The thought made Brian furious.

Justin continued, "Of course, I liked Ethan at first, and, later, I thought I loved him, but I didn't feel the fire, the urgent need to connect, the desire for complete understanding, and the ridiculous happiness I feel with you. And I certainly never felt like I'd known him before, like our meeting was fate. So…I didn't want the kind of intimacy that would have been required had I fucked him. But I want to look into your eyes when we have sex, I want to be inside you, and I desperately want you to want me inside you."

Brian teased, "Are you saying that you want to fuck me, right here and now?"

Justin swallowed hard and replied as evenly as he could manage, "Yes. I want to coax you into bed (or onto some flat surface) by kissing you, touching you, and making naughty propositions and then…fuck you senseless.

The falling-floating sensation was back, this time threatening to overwhelm Brian.

Brian breathed, "Fucking Christ, Justin! Do you have any idea what you do to me? It's taking everything in me to stop myself…"

Justin's eyes widened in concern. He asked, "From what?"

Brian laughed, but then replied, "From ripping your clothes off, burying my cock inside you in one thrust, and then pounding your prostate until you're moaning so loud they can hear you in China and begging for release."

Justin's breath hitched in his throat.

Brian looked down at the floor and then peeked at him coquettishly, whispering, "But I do want you inside me…and the thought that you want to take control, to fuck me, in part because you are so shy, is bringing me near the edge all on its own."

Justin's face flushed, and he started to tremble again.

Brian couldn't help but smile. Making Justin so nervous, knowing that he had such a profound effect on the blond, gave him a thrill…and turned him on even more. He felt an even greater thrill when he rubbed his cheek gently against Justin's and whispered in his ear, "Justin, I want, no, I need you inside me. Fuck me. Please."

In response, Justin moaned softly.

Brian pulled away and stated matter-of-factly, "So I'm going to take a cold shower and put some clothes on."

Justin smiled and tilted his head. He asked in confusion, "What?"

Brian threw Justin a tongue-in-cheek expression and explained, "Well, I want the whole Justin Taylor experience."

Justin blushed, but smiled, too. He replied softly, "Sounds good."


	23. Trading Expertise

While Brian was in the shower, Justin tried to will away his erection. First, he thought about sports. But he ended up remembering James's fantasy about he and Aidan. That actually made Justin's cock a little harder. Then, he thought about Ethan. He was certain that that would do the trick. Unfortunately, the name Ethan conjured up images of Brian pummeling him. Justin sighed in admiration as he imagined Brian angrily tossing Ethan across the apartment like he was a rag doll. Eventually, fate stepped in.

The phone rang, which brought Justin out of his fantasy about Brian as hero. Oddly, the prring of the telephone sounded more like screeching than ringing. Justin jumped a little and then ran to the phone. He had to stop that horrid noise.

He answered it with a sunny "Hello," but he heaved a deep sigh when he heard Mikey's snide reply, "Well, hello. If it isn't Brian's live-in trick."

That did it. Justin's cock was instantaneously flaccid. He responded coldly, "Brian's in the shower. Can I take a message?"

Mikey cackled as he answered, "Yeah…could you tell him that one of the bartenders from Babylon thinks he left his wallet at the loft during Brian's last orgy, three days ago?"

Justin felt ill. Three days ago. That would have been the night they IMed the second time. The night they met face to face. Would Brian have had an orgy before IMing him that night? He thought, "Oh God. Please tell me that when I was fantasizing about him and…and…that he wasn't…wasn't…" Justin dropped the phone.

He jumped when he felt Brian beside him. Brian had actually caught the phone mid-air with one hand and grabbed Justin's waist with the other. Justin looked up at him with wide eyes. Brian just smiled, nudged his nose, and kissed his lips gently.

Mikey had been speaking so loud that Brian had heard him from the bedroom. He said brightly, "Nice try, Mikey. But you know as well as I do that I had Gus all day Sunday and then took him to your mother's for dinner."

Justin breathed a sigh of relief and let his head fall on Brian's chest. Brian rubbed Justin's back gently and smiled. Mikey clenched his fists and swore softly. Then, he replied nonchalantly, "Oh yeah…I guess I got my days mixed up."

Brian laughed. "Yeah, okay. Well, it's been nice chatting…"

Justin had lifted his head and was studying Brian. Brian was wearing a black V-neck pullover and light blue jeans. Justin shook his head and smiled when his cock started to stir.

Mikey added cheekily, "But you have something to do?"

Brian threw Justin a tongue-in-cheek look and replied, "Well…something like that. I'll call you tomorrow. We still need to have a serious conversation. But not tonight. Bye, Mikey."

Mikey didn't even have time respond. Brian had hung up too quickly. He kicked a table and slammed the phone down.

Brian walked over to the couch and plopped down. He just sat there staring at Justin. Justin blushed but then pulled his orange and white T-shirt off, tossed it on the floor, unbuttoned his jeans, and unzipped them and inch or so. He kneeled in between Brian's legs on the fluffy white rug in front of the couch and slid his hands inside Brian's shirt. He looked directly into Brian's eyes as he moved his hands up slowly, running his fingers lightly over Brian's skin.

When Brian began to breathe faster, Justin licked his lips and pushed Brian's shirt up. Then he started placing open-mouthed kisses upward along his abdomen. When Justin reached Brian's left nipple, he traced it with the tip of his tongue and then enveloped it with his mouth and sucked on it hard. Brian let out a soft moan. Encouraged, Justin pulled Brian's shirt off completely and then started licking and sucking on the left side of Brian's neck, right at the pulse point. As he did so, he ran the fingers of his right hand through Brian's hair at the back of his neck and caressed Brian's skin with his thumb. Brian shivered in response.

After a few moments, Justin climbed into Brian's lap, straddling him, and brushed his lips against Brian's. Brian had closed his eyes and thrown back his head, but, when he felt Justin's lips on his own, he leaned forward. Justin bit Brian's lower lip gently, but then grabbed Brian's face with both hands and pulled him closer, plunging his tongue into Brian's mouth and kissing him passionately.

Justin reached down with his right hand and started rubbing Brian's hardening cock through his jeans. When Brian moaned, Justin unbuttoned Brian's jeans and reached inside, grabbing Brian's cock firmly and starting to jerk him off. Brian licked his lips and began to pant.

Then, Justin broke their kiss and got back down on his knees, unzipped Brian's jeans, and pulled them down. Brian watched Justin intently. His breath hitched in his throat when he saw Justin lick his lips as he eyed Brian's cock hungrily. He stopped breathing altogether when Justin drew the flat part of his tongue along Brian's cock, from base to tip, and then cried out when Justin wolfed down his cock, enveloping it in his hot wet mouth in one go. As Justin slid his lips up and down Brian's shaft, he caressed Brian's balls softly. When Brian was about to explode, Justin abruptly pulled away. Brian couldn't suppress a disappointed groan. Justin smiled, pushed the coffee table out of the way, lay down on his side, and then pulled Brian's hand gently. He said, "Come down here with me."

Brian crawled onto the rug, lying on his back. Justin directed softly, "Lie on your stomach."

When Brian obliged, Justin caressed Brian's ass softly, running his fingers lightly over both cheeks and then squeezing them gently. His hands trembled a little at the thought that he would soon be inside Brian. Turning back to the task at hand, Justin pushed Brian's cheeks apart and drew his tongue in a line from Brian's lower back down to his entrance. Brian breathed in sharply, as he'd been completely thrown off guard. He'd expected to feel Justin's hard cock, not his soft wet tongue. Justin smiled and then began tracing Brian's entrance with the tip of his tongue. After a few moments, he swirled the flat of his tongue around Brian's entrance. Brian moaned. Justin pulled back a little and bit his lip nervously. When he'd mustered the courage (hoping hoping hoping that Brian would enjoy this), he pushed his tongue inside Brian, pushing it in as far as he could. Justin paused for a moment but then started to move his tongue in and out. He relaxed when he heard Brian's breathing grow ragged. After a few moments, Justin pulled back and whispered, "Roll over."

As Brian complied, Justin stood up and removed his jeans, finally freeing his painfully erect cock. Justin kneeled down again and looked at Brian shyly. He asked softly, "Brian, do you still…"

Brian interjected, but softly, "Yes, Justin, I still want you to fuck me."

At those words, Justin's cock grew impossibly harder. He grabbed a condom from under the couch cushion, leaned down, and then kissed Brian passionately as he unwrapped the condom and slid it on. He did that mostly to distract Brian, to escape the weight of his gaze, but he soon melted into Brian's kiss, his desire driven to an even greater frenzy by the sheer taste of Brian's lips. When his cock was sheathed, Justin placed Brian's legs so that his knees were bent up and placed the tip of his cock at Brian's entrance. Justin began to tremble as he started to enter Brian.

Suddenly, he stopped.

Brian looked up in surprise. He asked, "What's wrong?"

Justin had paled, and he looked frightened. Justin shook his head and replied, "It's nothing…"

Brian smiled and reached out to touch the blond, but Justin pulled away and sat on the couch.

Brian followed and sat next to him. He inquired, "Don't you want me?"

Justin looked over at Brian in alarm. "Of course, I do! It's just…"

"Just what?"

"What if I do it wrong?"

Brian bit his lip so that he didn't laugh. He replied softly, "How could you do it wrong?"

Justin's face flushed as he answered, "Of course, I know the mechanics of it, but what if I can't find your prostate or my cock is too small. You've had so much more experience than I have (sigh) I mean, twice already, you've fucked me into unconsciousness...and I…I don't want to be a disappointment. Not to you. Before, I thought it was good that I hadn't wasted myself on someone who wasn't special, but, now, I'm wishing I'd gone to your Babylon or attended a few orgies, so I could be sure…"

"Be sure of what?"

Justin responded in almost a whisper, "…that I would please you."

Brian swallowed hard.

He said, "Justin, if you were anyone else, I'd toss you out now. But then again, if you were anyone else, I wouldn't have asked you to fuck me in the first place."

Brian stood up angrily and pinched the bridge of his nose. He yelled, "Fuck, I don't even know exactly what I'm trying to say. I don't generally do this!"

A little startled, Justin just stared at Brian.

Suddenly, Brian laughed. Long and hard. When he'd gotten ahold of himself, he turned around and exclaimed, "We're idiots!"

Justin laughed softly, mostly in confusion, and asked, "What do you mean?"

Brian walked over to Justin and bent down in front of him. He inquired, "Do you remember what I said when I asked you to be my boyfriend?"

Justin wasn't sure what he was referring to, so he just continued to stare at him.

Brian said, "Of course, I don't know how to say what I want to say to you. Of course, you don't know how to make me feel the way you want me to feel. But that's okay. I mean, wasn't that the premise behind our getting together in the first place? That you were the king of romance, and I was the stud of Liberty Avenue and that we would share expertise?"

Justin laughed. "Yeah, but I didn't think you were serious. I mean, I thought that was just your way of asking without needing to sound like you cared. To keep things light."

Brian chuckled and admitted, "Well, it kind of was, but it's still a good idea. I would like to be able to do to you what you do to me when you tell me how you feel, and you want to be able to fuck me into unconsciousness, don't you?"

Justin blushed, but nodded, too.

Brian declared, "Well okay then, let's start. I'll go first. Lesson one. Finding the prostate."

Brian laid back down on the rug and placed his knees up.

Justin blushed, but followed him.

Brian said, "No need to be shy. I'm not going to whip out a mirror and have you study your asshole."

Justin laughed.

Brian reached under the couch, found a small bottle of lube he'd placed there for couch sex, and handed it to Justin. Then he directed, "Lube up a finger and (palm side up) push it inside me, up to about your second knuckle."

Justin followed Brian's instructions, growing redder by the second.

Brian said, "Now, push your finger up, as though you were making a gentle hook back toward yourself. Like a 'come hither' motion."

Excitedly, Justin asked, "Like this?"

Brian moaned when Justin's finger poked a firm walnut-sized protrusion. "Yeah, yeah. Just like that."

Encouraged, Justin started massaging it.

Brian moaned again and then laughed. He cried out, "Do you want to fuck me or finger me?"

Justin smiled and then pulled his finger out. "Sorry."

Brian said, "Okay. Now, just from fucking me, you'll make contact with my prostate, sort of rubbing it as you thrust, but, for excellent sex, you need to pull almost all the way out and thrust back in every time. That way, you can nudge the prostate with the tip of your cock as you enter as well as rubbing it as you push deeper. In this position, that would mean pushing your cock in and up a little until you feel the prostate and then down until you are all the way inside me."

Justin nodded. "That doesn't sound so hard."

Brian giggled and asked, "Speaking of, are you still?"

Justin blushed and nodded. "Your moaning helped out on that front."

Brian smiled and teased softly, "Give me what you got, stud…"

Justin laughed as he slicked his cock with lube. Then, he positioned his cock at Brian's entrance and started pushing inside. The moment he entered Brian, waves of pleasure started passing through him, radiating from his cock outward. When he was about a quarter the way in, he stopped and moaned softly. He was already almost overcome with pleasure. When he looked at Brian, he noted that he looked tense, so he waited a bit longer, giving him the chance to adjust. After Brian relaxed, Justin moved his cock up a bit, until he hit Brian's prostate, causing the chestnut-haired man to moan. Then, he pushed downward. When he was halfway in, he paused again, biting his lip to stave off his orgasm. Then, he buried his cock completely inside Brian. He felt so incredible that he let out a deep body moan the second his cock was completely enveloped.

Justin started pulling almost all the way out and then thrusting back in, this time a little faster, setting a steady rhythm. He watched Brian as he fucked him. Brian's breathing had grown ragged, and his mouth was open slightly. He looked so beautiful that way that Justin couldn't resist leaning down and licking his lower lip and then pushing his tongue inside Brian's mouth, kissing him passionately. Brian kissed him back with equal ardor and even threaded his fingers through Justin's hair and pulled him closer to deepen the kiss.

Suddenly, Brian started meeting Justin's thrusts to quicken the pace. Justin felt like he was going to explode. He pulled back up and grabbed Brian's cock firmly with his right hand. Then, he started stroking Brian in time with his thrusts. Brian came almost right away, crying out, "Oh fuck!" as he did so. Just then, Brian's ass involuntarily clamped down on Justin's cock, and Justin's eyes widened as he came without warning, his orgasm ripping through him and exploding in a flash of bright white light. He moaned, "Brian, oh Brian, so fucking good…"

Then he collapsed on top of Brian. Brian smiled and rubbed the back of Justin's neck. His smile widened when he heard a muffled, "That was fucking amazing!" (it sounded like Tha waf fucking amaging).

Brian, still out of breath, agreed, "It was indeed, Sunshine. It was indeed."

*********

Later, as Justin and Brian were lying in bed, Brian asked, "So…now it's your turn. What should I have said earlier?"

Justin thought for a moment, but then said, "The first step in being romantic is being willing to be vulnerable. You shouldn't expect the other person to draw conclusions from what you say or do because he or she might not draw the right ones. I realize that you probably do that on purpose, so you don't feel cornered, but that fear is the first thing that needs to go."

Brian sighed.

Justin laughed, "I know that it's not easy. I'm not always willing to open up to others, but, with you, I want to because I want to share everything with you. I want you to know exactly who I am and what you mean to me. Turning back to what you said, feel free to stop me if I interpreted what you said wrong…"

Brian nodded.

Justin continued, "Instead of saying, 'if you were anyone else, I'd toss you out now,' you could have said, 'if I didn't care about you, our relationship would only be about sex, but it's not.' Did I get that right?"

Brian replied, "Yeah."

Justin smiled and added, "But you'd have to be willing to admit that you care about me. Likewise, instead of, 'But then again, if you were anyone else, I wouldn't have asked you to fuck me in the first place,' you could have said, 'Part of the reason I desire you and that I asked you to fuck me is that you are special to me. I am almost as inexperienced when it comes to being fucked as you are when it comes to fucking. I like that. I want to be the first person you fuck, and I want you to be one of the very few who've had the pleasure of fucking me.'"

More softly, Justin continued, "But, again, you'd have to be willing to admit that I'm special to you…that you are inexperienced at something…and that…and that…you want to be special to me."

Justin looked at Brian nervously. "Did I get that right?"

Brian looked directly into Justin's eyes and said, so softly it was almost a whisper, "Yes. You are special to me, and I want to be special to you."

Justin suddenly felt faint. He half-whispered, half-moaned, "Oh God."

Brian looked at Justin in alarm.

Justin laughed. Then, he said, "You did it! You turned me into a puddle with words."

Brian smiled and asked, "I did?"

Justin exclaimed, "Yes. Say it again, please."

Brian looked down and said, "I'd feel silly…"

Justin cried out indignantly, "I received a fucking lesson earlier, and you, you, feel silly?"

Brian chuckled. "Okay, okay. Point taken."

Then, he looked at Justin with a serious expression in his eyes and repeated softly, "You are special to me, and I want to be special to you."

Justin once again felt like he might faint. "Oh God. Fuck me, Brian."

Brian asked, "Are you serious?"

Justin pulled Brian's hand under the covers and placed it on his rock-hard, leaking cock. He replied, "Does that answer your question?"

Brian chuckled and stated in amusement, "I think I'm starting to like this whole 'being open' thing…"


	24. Brian in Wonderland

When Brian was certain that Justin, all tuckered out from a long night of fucking, had fallen into a deep sleep, he carefully extricated himself from the tangle of arms and legs they made. Just one in a long list of things Brian had never done before Justin. He'd never put himself in the position of needing to flee a trick's bed. Instead, Brian would tell the aforementioned trick that his services would never be needed again and coolly walk out the door. In point of fact, Brian had never actually held anyone (with the exception of Gus) in his arms before he met Justin. He wanted to be troubled by that, but he wasn't. He'd spent many long nights (once a week for a few years) losing himself in fictional love stories and even imagining that he'd one day meet someone who would make his heart skip a beat. What he did not imagine, what he could never have anticipated, was that when he did finally meet the aforesaid lover, he would suddenly, inexplicably want to be different, better. Perhaps the strangest part (and the irony) was that Justin liked him just as he was. He had no illusions about Brian, yet he also saw something in him that no one else, not even Brian, saw. Brian wanted desperately (another first) to deserve what he saw in Justin's eyes when they fell on him: desire, longing, unbridled joy, wonder, and something else. The way Justin looked at him was very different from the way Mikey looked at him. Mikey worshipped Brian, or the person Mikey thought Brian was. Mikey did not actually know him, and what he did know he spun into something else. The person Mikey wanted to possess did not even exist.

Brian left a note for Justin just in case he woke up before Brian returned and then headed over to Ian's apartment. Ian was still in the hospital, but would be released the next day. Brian didn't have much time to find the rest of the videos Ian had secretly made. Brian could tell that Ian was the 'brains' of the Ian/troll operation, so he needed to get the aforementioned troll alone and trick him into giving him the tapes (or, at least, letting it slip where they were). Brian assumed that he would be sleeping at Ian's now that 'the boyfriend' was out of the picture. And indeed he was (not just there but actually sleeping). Brian knocked five times before the troll opened the door. He was a sight. Hair sticking out all over the place and his shirt on backwards (Brian assumed that he had hastily thrown it on before answering the door, but he could simply be even more stupid than he'd seemed two days ago).

The troll stared at Brian for a long moment before he made the connection between Brian and the incident the other day. One might have expected him to slam the door in Brian's face, lock it, and then call the cops. But now that Ian wasn't around, Brian looked less like a thug and more like a man the troll would sell his soul for the pleasure of being fucked by. The hard-on he'd woken up with wasn't helping.

Brian smirked. This was going to be much easier than he'd expected. Maybe he could even get the kid to change his version of 'the assault.' That would save him a headache.

Meanwhile, back at the loft, Justin was pacing the living room and clenching and unclenching his fists. Even in sleep, Justin had felt the chill Brian's departure had brought. He clambered out of bed just a few minutes after Brian had set out for Ethan's and read Brian's note:

Sleeping Beauty,

Gone to find the troll while Ian's still laid up.

Back soon,

B

Justin couldn't help but worry that Brian would be arrested again. The one arrest was bad enough. Add to that charges of breaking and entering and theft and perhaps even assault again and Brian might be given jail time. Justin needed to be with Brian, to make sure nothing terrible happened. Part of him felt silly, but the other part was so desperately afraid that Justin couldn't stop himself from attempting to get to Ethan's.

Justin dressed quickly and made his way downstairs. He peeked out the door and saw quite a few cabs passing by. All he needed to do was walk the few feet to the curb and hail one. Just a few feet. Justin opened the door and stepped onto the sidewalk. He made it the ten steps to the side of the road and waved at a passing cab.

Just then, Justin heard footsteps behind him. He wheeled around and saw a tall burly man dressed all in black. He seemed to be heading toward him. Suddenly, Justin's entire body felt like it was burning with fever. He started sweating and trembling, and his vision started to swim. It took everything in him to turn back around and try hailing another cab. Just thinking about how vulnerable he was, how easily that man could hurt him, and how he would not even see it coming had him breathing in short gasps. If a cab didn't stop soon, he'd hyperventilate for sure.

Just as a cab started to pull over, Justin felt something touch his shoulder. He jumped. He ran toward the cab, so fast that he nearly tripped over his own feet, and tried to open the door. Unfortunately, his hands were so sweaty that his fingers kept slipping off of the cool metal. He couldn't get a grip on the handle. Finally, the cab driver leaned over the seat and opened it for him. Just as Justin was about to get in, he heard breathing behind him. Maybe a foot away. Justin's eyes widened, and he scrambled into the cab, his heart pounding so hard in his chest that that's all he could hear.

Once inside, he locked the door. He mumbled the address and thrust his head between his knees. When he'd sufficiently regulated his breathing, he sat up and looked out the window, glancing back just in time to see the man who'd frightened him so much getting on a bus. He nearly burst into tears. He'd never felt more pathetic.

As the minutes passed, Justin relaxed and actually started smiling. Despite the circumstances, he couldn't help it. Every second drew him nearer to Brian. Justin had the fare and the tip ready long before they reached Ethan's apartment building, so the second the cab stopped, Justin handed the money over and jumped out. He'd asked the driver to pull right up to the front, so he reached the door in just a few seconds (of course, he did run). Once inside, he made his way up to the apartment quickly and barreled in. Brian didn't even have time to turn his head before Justin was in his arms (he'd literally jumped into them), wrapping both his arms and legs around the man and burying his face in Brian's neck.

Brian laughed softly and exclaimed, "Well, hello to you, too, Sunshine!"

Brian was very happy, and surprised, to see Justin, even though Justin had quickly and effectively put the kibosh on his plan. But when Justin nudged Brian's nose gently, brushed his lips against Brian's, and thrust his tongue into Brian's mouth, kissing him passionately, and more and more deeply, he couldn't bring himself to care. There would be other opportunities to stop Ian and retrieve the tapes.

******************************

This was Brian's first day going to work after meeting Buttercup in person (he'd actually taken two personal days to spend time with him, something Brian never did). Brian was suddenly experiencing feelings he was unaccustomed to having. For the first time in his adult life, he had someone to come home to. And he was actually excited about it. Just the thought of his beautiful, sexy, shy, and intriguing new boyfriend being at the loft, sitting at his desk writing…maybe cooking in his never used kitchen...or showering in his bathroom (well, their desk, kitchen, and bathroom now) thrilled him. He wondered what Justin was doing. He tried to imagine how the boy would greet him when he returned home (right after work, for the first time in a long time). A shy smile? An intense longing look that took his breath away? A passionate kiss? Twenty minutes after he left Ryder, if traffic wasn't too bad, instead of combing Liberty Avenue for a halfway decent trick, he'd be fucking Justin in their new bed. Oddly enough, he'd never been as attracted to or turned on by anyone else. Ever. Justin was not only talented and hot but also shy, the latter being a quality Brian could rarely stand, let alone relish. Justin also cared about Brian (if nothing else, last night's hijinks had proven that. Justin had prevented Brian from locating the other sex tapes, so worried about Brian that he no longer cared whether they were ever found, no longer cared whether Ian made Justin an unwilling porn star). Brian never imagined that caring could form part of his attraction for anyone. Mikey was madly in love with Brian, but that did absolutely nothing for him. But then again, comparing Mikey and Justin was like comparing Kool-Aid and the finest wine.

******************************

Justin was so excited. In just twelve hours, he'd received fifty responses to his new installment of _Innocence_. His fans adored James's fantasy about James and Aidan meeting in high school. Justin had been afraid that the fantasy was too complex, detracting from the larger story, but, apparently, this was not the case. So far, everyone wanted desperately to learn how the love story progressed, asking Justin whether Aidan would break up with Susie, whether Aidan would realize he's gay (or, at the very least, bisexual), whether Aidan and James would start dating, and, if so, what reaction they would receive from fellow students, particularly Aidan's teammates. Justin didn't mind the idea of continuing to tell their story; in fact, the prospect of future 'brainstorming sessions' with Brian put a huge smile on his face and a nearly painful erection in his jeans.

******************************

A few hours after Brian arrived at Ryder, Mikey showed up. Brian decided that now was as good a time as any to have the serious talk he'd been planning.

Brian moved to sit on the edge of his desk, facing Mikey, and informed him, in a tone suggesting that his mind was made up, "I'm changing the locks and the security code to the loft, but I'm not going to give you a key."

Mikey's eyes grew as wide as saucers. "Why not?"

"Uh…because you had my boyfriend arrested for being where he was supposed to be, where I had invited him, in his new home."

"It was an honest mistake."

Brian quirked an eyebrow. "Really? Justin said that you didn't even try to call me before calling the cops."

Mikey looked down at the floor and started removing lint from his pants. Finally, he looked back up and stated, as evenly as he could, "Oh…yeah. I guess I must have been too shocked to think straight.

And then in a concerned voice, he said, "I was so worried he'd hurt you."

Brian stared at Mikey incredulously. "Justin?"

"Uh yeah."

Brian pointed out, amusement evident in his voice, "I've got several inches on him…"

Mikey suggested indignantly, "Well, uh…he could have held a gun on you."

Brian sighed and asked, "Why were you even there?"

"Oh…well…I was hoping you were home and that we could go see a movie or something."

Brian nodded slowly, but then inquired, "If you thought I'd be home, why didn't you ring the buzzer?"

"Oh, um…"

"Yeah. That's what I thought. Key privilege revoked."

Mikey whined, "But, but, what if you lose your key?"

Brian answered coolly, "Justin will have a copy."

"But you barely know him."

"I know him well enough."

Mikey moaned, "I can't believe you trust a stranger more than you trust your best friend of 15 years."

Suddenly, Brian heard the ping of an IM being sent to him. It could only be Justin. Brian smiled softly and started pushing Mikey out of his office.

Mikey protested, "Brian!"

But Brian barely heard him. He pushed him out into the hall, said, "Bye Mikey," and then shut and locked the door.

******************************

**Buttercup1983 (12:00:05): **Hi!

**Enigma69 (12:00:10):** Hey there, stranger…looking for a good time?

**Buttercup1983 (12:00:25): **Sorry.I have a boyfriend, and we're monogamous.

**Enigma69 (12:01:01): **(frowns) Don't you find monogamy boring? I mean, after you've fucked, sucked, and rimmed each other, what's left?

**Buttercup1983 (12:02:20):** Well, we are just starting out, but no, I don't. First of all, I can't imagine ever finding fucking, sucking, and rimming boring. Not with him. But there are many other ways two people can have fun…

**Enigma69 (12:02:23): **Such as…

**Buttercup1983 (12:03:30): **Withsex toys, role play,…

**Enigma69 (12:04:20): **That's kind of vague…but I'll let you off the hook. Just give me one example, something you are dying to try…

**Buttercup1983 (12:05:39): **This may sound like a copout, but what I really want is to be my boyfriend's dream come true, his most erotic fantasy come to life. I want to please him like no one else can, for him to want me more than he's ever wanted anyone.

**Enigma69 (12:06:20): **(swallowing hard)What makes youthink that's not already true?

**Buttercup1983 (12:07:00): **I'm not very experienced. How can I be his fantasy when I don't even know whether I'm doing something right half the time…most of the time?

**Enigma69 (12:07:30): **Maybe he finds your lack of experience, among many other things, a turn on…

**Buttercup1983 (12:07:40): **How could that be?

**Enigma69 (12:09:00): **Maybe he likes teaching you things, watching you experience things for the first time, and experiencing many of his own firsts with you…maybe he's looking forward to experiencing many more…

**Buttercup1983 (12:10:02): **…

**Enigma69 (12:10:10): **(smiles) I didn't quite catch that

**Buttercup1983 (12:10:30):** Sorry, I stopped breathing for a moment…

**  
Enigma69 (12:11:10): **That's another big turn on, I'll bet (if my rock hard cock is any indication)

**  
Buttercup1983 (12:11:30): **(blushing and smiling bright)

**Buttercup1983 (12:11:45): **Uh…What is?

**Enigma69 (12:12:10): **You're so intense and honest. Open.Do you really want to be his dream come true?

**Buttercup1983 (12:12:20): **Yes. Very much.

**Enigma69 (12:13:05):** Play to your strengths. There are millions of men out there, but he chose you, right?

**Buttercup1983 (12:13:10): **Yes…

**Enigma69 (12:13:55): **Give him something no one else can or that no one else would.

**Buttercup1983 (12:14:20): **hmmm…

**Enigma69 (12:14:35): **Fuck

**Buttercup1983 (12:14:45): **What's wrong?

**Enigma69 (12:15:20): **I have a call. I have to take it (frowns)

**  
Buttercup1983 (12:15:45): **(smiles)Well, you are at work…that's to be expected

**Enigma69 (12:23:10): **I'll be home right after work...

**Buttercup1983 (12:24:20): **I can't wait (smiles a million-watt smile)

**Enigma69 (12:25:35): **Me, either. Maybe I'll skip out early…Later

**Buttercup1983 (12:26:20): **Later

********

Justin was incredibly nervous. Brian had said that to be his fantasy come to life he should give Brian what no one else could, what no one else would. Justin had pondered Brian's words for a good thirty minutes before a crazy idea popped into his head. At first, he'd been excited, ordering the paint and making the 'scenery,' but now that Brian was due home any minute, he was suddenly nervous, panicky even. What if Brian thought his idea was stupid? What if he didn't remember the words? When he heard footsteps outside the door, he swallowed hard and whispered, "Oh God." But then, he got ahold of himself and took his position.

When Brian entered the loft, he was surprised to find it dark. Justin had covered the windows. A feeling of dread washed over him. Had something happened to Justin? Brian was one second away from tearing through the loft in search of him when he saw a glint of something shiny. Brian focused on the wall where he'd seen the brief flash of light and smiled when he saw that Justin had painted and hung several pieces of what appeared to be poster board to look like a lake at night, all black and silvery. As Brian drew nearer, he saw a brightly shining full moon hanging in the "sky" and heard sounds very like the soft murmur of waves lapping the shore. Finally, he saw Justin. He was lying on the bed (sideways) naked. He appeared to be damp, from a shower…or a swim. A moonlight swim. In that moment, everything finally clicked. Justin had recreated a scene from _Innocence_. Brian set his briefcase down on the floor and quickly shed his clothing. Then, he moved in, in slow circles, watching Justin.

Justin breathed, "Aidan" and started touching his cock, first just running a finger over the head lightly but then grasping it firmly and sliding a hand up and down the shaft. Slowly. Justin's eyes were half-lidded with desire, and his mouth was open slightly. Brian was so caught up in the moment, it was as though he were really seeing Justin naked on the bank of a lake, the full moon shining down on him, giving his skin an otherworldly glow. Brian's breath caught in his throat. He'd never seen anything so beautiful.

Justin, hearing a creak of wood, sat up quickly. Then, he stood and started walking toward the noise. He cried out uneasily, "Is someone here?" He jumped when he heard another creak and leaned against a "tree," looking about anxiously. A moment later, Brian's body was pressed against his. Justin's gasp was silenced by Brian's lips. Brian kissed him passionately, almost violently. After a few moments, Justin pushed Brian away, out of breath and glaring at him with wild eyes.

Brian laughed and inquired, "Didn't you call for me?" Then he drawled, "Ask and you shall receive…"

Justin snapped, "I assumed you'd be off having an orgy with the waiters."

Brian responded incredulously, "Why would I when I could be here with you?"

Justin retorted bluntly, "I'll never fuck you. You're wasting your time."

"It's mine to waste."

Justin shrugged and sat on the floor facing the "lake" under the bright full moon. "Suit yourself."

Amusement evident in his voice, Brian offered, "You do the same. Feel free to go back to what you were doing before I arrived."

Justin pulled his knees up and rested his head on them (sideways). He muttered, "You shouldn't spy on other people. It's rude."

Brian sat next to Justin and replied softly, "You shouldn't jerk off outside if you don't want people to watch. But…"

Justin replied defensively, "But what?"

Even more softly, Brian added, "Maybe you wanted me to see. Maybe you were trying to tease me…"

Justin harrumphed.

Brian chuckled, but then continued, "…to get me to take what you so desperately want to give…"

Justin lifted his head up and declared hotly, "I don't want to give you anything! Nothing!"

Brian whispered, "Don't you mean everything?" His question met with silence. "You did call my name…"

Justin stated simply, "You need to get your hearing checked. I don't think I can be any clearer. I, unlike every other fag in a thousand-mile radius, will _never_ be a fuck du jour, not yours, not anyone's."

Brian quirked an eyebrow. "Determined to be special to me?"

Justin huffed. "Whatever."

Softly, Brian suggested, "Maybe you already are…"

Justin stiffened. His eyes widened, and, for a moment, he seemed to take Brian's words seriously, but then, he shook his head, as if to clear it. He sighed, and his eyes lost focus. A heartbeat later, he pierced Brian with a sharp look, but then glanced away and stated softly, "The moment I give you what you want, you'll leave. Just like everyone else."

Brian inquired carefully, "Are you sure you even know what I want?"

Justin snapped his head around. "How could I not? You've been here just one week, and, in that time, you've fucked your way through Saranac's entire gay population.

Brian quirked an eyebrow. "Don't you think that that's a bit of an exaggeration?"

Justin couldn't help but laugh. He conceded, "Maybe, but not too much of one."

Brian chuckled. "Fair enough."

After a long pause, Brian continued, "Maybe you're different."

Justin just stared at Brian.

Brian looked away, out over the "water." "What you said the night we met…"

Justin furrowed his brow in confusion.

Brian explained, "After you bumped your head, I carried you back to your room. As I was laying you in bed, you called me your prince. Your knight in shining armor. Then…"

Justin's eyes had widened considerably at this point. "Then, I kissed…that was you? I…I thought I was dreaming…But wait, that means you stayed with me all night…"

Brian shrugged. "I figured that anyone who would call me his prince probably had a concussion."

Justin was observing Brian closely now.

Brian cleared his throat.

"No one's ever been in a bed with me and kissed me chastely…no one's ever looked at me as any kind of hero…not even in a moment of confusion in the dark…"

Brian was expecting it, but still found himself surprised when Justin flung himself at him, toppling him to the ground and straddling him. Brian was smiling until he saw the look on Justin's face. His eyes were dark with desire and his face flushed. Brian's breath caught in his throat. He sat up slowly, his eyes never leaving Justin's face. He was about to plant one on him, but Justin beat him to it. He suddenly grabbed Brian's face with both hands and sent his lips crashing down onto Brian's and with such force that Brian was quickly flat on his back again.

Despite the onslaught, and because of it, with its abruptness and intensity, Brian smiled a little (as much as one can with a very horny, very determined young man attached to one's lips), and his eyes danced. Soon, within but a few seconds, Brian was lost in those plump, cherry-red lips.

Justin continued to kiss Brian passionately, even desperately, his tongue exploring every inch of Brian's mouth. Brian slid his hands over Justin's ass and squeezed his ass cheeks gently before pushing up against Justin, grinding their cocks together. The moment they made contact, Justin moaned into Brian's mouth. Then he pulled back a little and nudged Brian's nose gently, slowly, with his own. For a few moments, they were breathing the same air and looking deep into each other's eyes.

Justin whispered, "I knew it was you. The night we met. I knew it wasn't a dream."

Then Justin went off script…way, way, way off script. But Brian didn't yet know it. When Justin started to tremble, Brian was concerned and touched, but not surprised. When Justin kissed him again, with a passion Brian had not yet felt from the blond, he was more turned on than he'd ever been in his life. But when he felt Justin's lubed fingers enter him, soon replaced with Justin's sheathed cock, so hard that Brian could feel it throbbing inside him, he was astonished, and, when Justin broke their kiss and rubbed his cheek against Brian's as he breathed, "Brian Kinney, I'm so in love with you that it actually hurts," Brian was hit so hard that he couldn't breathe, and his heart stopped beating.

But it wasn't until a moment later that he received the biggest shock of his life. He replied in a whisper, "I love you, too, Sunshine" and pushed back against Justin. Then he moaned, "Christ! Fuck me harder!"


	25. A Quiet Evening at Home

A/N: Note: the _Harvey Birdman, Attorney-at-Law_ episode "Booty Noir" (mentioned in this chapter) actually first aired in 2005, but let's pretend it first aired in 2003...

**Justin's Fine Ass, the Cause of an Existential Crisis?**

Brian had just finished his nightly exercise regimen (30 minutes on the treadmill and 30 crunches), which he'd actually been neglecting to do over the last week, basically since he'd met Justin. But on this, their fourth "normal" day of living together, he'd resumed it.

One might wonder why he hadn't resumed his nightly regimen on their second "normal" day of living together. The answer was quite simple. On that day, when Brian had returned home from work (an hour early), Justin had jumped into his arms, which, as it turned out, was but the first sally in a weekend-long sex marathon, beginning on Friday (4pm) and ending on Sunday (6pm). They'd spent that 50-hour period entirely in their new bed, except for bathroom breaks and long hot fellatio-filled showers. Brian wouldn't even let Justin out of bed to cook, so they'd been subsisting on Thai takeout for the most part, eaten in bed (of course, eating in bed was something Brian would never have done before, but it was now just another item on the fast-growing list of ways meeting Justin had changed him).

While Brian had been exercising, Justin had been lying on the couch (on his stomach) watching the Cartoon Network. He was naked, for the two-day ban on clothing had done much to break him of his body-shyness.

Brian sat on the floor next to the couch and continued to wipe the sweat off him with a small towel as he turned his attention to the TV.

After a minute or two, he asked, "Sunshine, what on earth _are_ you watching?"

"_Harvey Birdman, Attorney-at-Law_. It's hilarious!"

"This episode is called _Booty Noir_?"

Justin giggled. "Yeah, see, that little green man's name is Myron Reducto. He's a paranoid and obsessive compulsive rival lawyer. He's always brandishing his shrink-ray gun, yelling "Back off! Don't touch me!," and threatening to shrink people. But in this episode, he suffers an existential crisis when he meets Norlissa because not only does he _not_ want to shrink her ass, but he also wants to enlarge it."

Brian nodded solemnly and started caressing Justin's ass. "A perfectly luscious ass has been known to spur, even in the freakiest control freak, an existential crisis."

Justin looked over at Brian and blushed when he saw the intense expression in his eyes.

_In the background…Reducto: (nervous) "I'm not quite sure what you're expecting, but this is my first time."_

_Norlissa: "You're right, baby, it is. Because until you've been with Norlissa, you've never done it right." _

_Reducto: (calmly) "Don't touch me."_

_Reducto: (calmly) "Don't touch me."_

_Reducto: (frantically) "My glasses, what have you done with my glasses? Don't touch me!"_

Reducto's high-pitched scream pulled Brian and Justin's attention back to the TV.

_Norlissa starts moving downward._

_Reducto: "Alright, touch me."_

Justin burst out laughing. Brian couldn't help but chuckle, too.

Brian switched the TV off, caressed Justin's ass, and whispered, "Here, get up on your knees."

He climbed up behind Justin and started alternately laying open-mouthed kisses and gentle caresses on his ass cheeks. Then he drew his tongue from the top of Justin's ass down to his entrance and began swirling his tongue around it.

Justin moaned, "Ohh….Brian."

Brian pushed his tongue inside Justin and started moving it in and out. In response, Justin began to pant.

Justin was just about to ask, no beg, Brian to fuck him, when someone pounded on the door. He lifted his head and turned toward the sound.

Brian temporarily stopped his ministrations and roared, "Go away!"

Just as he was about to resume, he heard a woman's voice. "Brian, it's Lindsay. Open up!"

A child's voice added, "Yeah Daddy! It's Gus. Open!"

Brian cursed and stood up. He was about to open the door, buck naked, when Justin, who'd been momentarily stunned, but had since recovered, jumped up and grabbed Brian by the arm.

He pleaded, "Ask her to wait a minute. Please."

Brian couldn't help but chuckle. Justin was in the middle of a full blown freak out and looked fucking adorable.

Brian yelled, "Ok. Just give me a minute."

Justin ran into the bedroom, yanked the wardrobe doors open, and started grabbing clothes frantically. Brian just watched, an amused look on his face.

A few moments later, Justin returned, thrust a pair of light blue jeans and a wife beater into his arms, and then whispered, in an urgent tone, "Put these on and brush your teeth!"

When Brian quirked an eyebrow, Justin shook his head, half-whispered, half-cried, "Oh God…when I think about what you were doing and now I'm going to meet your son for the first time…Go, go, go…," and pushed Brian toward the bathroom. Brian chuckled again, but he did as Justin asked.

In the two minutes it took Brian to dress and brush his teeth, Justin had tried on and rejected three outfits, finally opting for a long-sleeved black button-down shirt and dark blue jeans. On Brian's way back to the door, he unbuttoned Justin's two top buttons (muttering, "I don't date fucking Puritans") and grabbed his hand, pulling him along.

Finally, Brian slid the door open. Justin was incredibly nervous, but managed to smile brightly.

Lindsay set Gus down, and he ran to Brian.

"Sonny boy! What a surprise!" (As he said the last part, he shot Lindsay a stern look. She glanced away uneasily.)

Brian picked Gus up. Once Gus had kissed Brian's cheek, he finally noticed that someone he'd never seen before was attached to his father. He asked, "Who's that?"

Brian smiled. "That's Justin. Daddy's boyfriend."

Lindsay's eyes nearly bugged out of her head. She sputtered, "Boyfriend?"

Brian nodded. He laughed. "I guess you haven't seen Mikey lately."

She shook her head and stared at Justin with a bemused expression on her face.

Justin offered, "Nice to meet you. You must be Gus's mom."

She smiled and nodded. "Yes. I'm Lindsay."

Brian noticed how uncomfortable Justin was becoming with Lindsay staring at him, so he set Gus down, pulled Lindsay aside, and asked, "So…why are you here? Unannounced…"

As she began to explain, Justin inquired, "Do you like to draw, Gus?"

Gus nodded enthusiastically, so Justin took him by the hand and led him to the rug in the middle of the living room. Then he grabbed a sketch pad and pencils and plopped down onto his stomach next to Gus.

"Do you like cats?"

Gus nodded again.

So Justin set about drawing a fluffy Persian cat.

Meanwhile, Lindsay explained to Brian, "Mel and I haven't had much time together lately, and tonight, she surprised me with tickets to the philharmonic. I think I should go. We need a night out together. This is the first weekend this month she's set aside time for us, but the usual babysitter is busy…so I thought…"

Brian turned to look at Justin and Gus. Gus was laughing and clapping. "Pretty cat! Now do…uh…a dog!"

Brian couldn't help but smile. "Okay. We can watch him for a few hours."

Lindsay was so happy that she kissed him. "You're a lifesaver!"

She walked over to Gus and said, "Mommy's going to leave you with Daddy for a little while, but I'll be back soon. Okay?"

Gus was so captivated by Justin's drawing skills that he barely acknowledged her, simply muttering "Okay," but never looking away from the sketch pad.

Lindsay laughed and moved to leave. On her way out she said, "He's cute! But isn't he a bit young for you?"

Brian frowned and gently pushed her out the door.

He deadpanned, "Have fun" and then slid the door shut. Right before it clicked into place, he heard her muttering, "Asshole" as she hit the elevator call button.

Brian joined Gus and Justin on the rug, kissed Gus on the cheek, and asked, "So Sonny boy. What do you think of Justin?"

Gus giggled. "He's cool!"

Justin smiled and then blushed when Brian replied, "The coolest."

**Big Boy Toys**

Brian had been outside smoking, but was now re-entering the loft. As he walked in, he heard Gus ask Justin, "Does Daddy let you play with the big boy toys?"

Brian stifled a laugh and slid the door closed quietly so as not to interrupt this interesting turn in the conversation. He could see both Gus and Justin, Gus, eyes wide with a curious and somewhat deflated expression on his face, for he just knew Justin was allowed what he was forbidden, and Justin, his eyes wide, too, but in shock, and his face turning a pretty shade of pink.

Justin stammered, "Uh…big boy toys?"

Gus explained, "Yeah. One looks like a really, really big red crayon (he made a circle shape with his hands to indicate its girth). Actually, Daddy has a bunch of those. Some are bigger than the red one and some are smaller. They're all different colors. But Daddy says you can't draw pictures with them. And then, there's the stuff for riding horses."

Justin was beet red now. His voice actually squeaked as he repeated, "Stuff for riding horses?"

Gus nodded vigorously. "Yeah! There's the half pants. They're black. So cool! You don't even have to pull them down to go potty!"

Justin froze, but managed to feign amazement. "Oh wow!"

Gus rambled on. "And then, there's the other thing (he made a whipping motion with his hand) for making the horse do what you want…I didn't see a cowboy hat, but he must have one."

"Oh…yeah. I guess he must." Justin nodded slowly. He looked stricken, as though he were witnessing a train wreck but had no idea what to do or say to end it.

"He has balloons, too. But I don't like them very much. They're sticky and not very big. Well, for balloons. And they look like sticks. They should be round. I told that to Daddy, but he said he likes those ones best. He has fingerpaints, too, but they're all clear. I guess he adds the color. Do you think he uses food coloring?"

"I…I'm not sure. You'd have to ask your Dad."

Suddenly, Brian burst out laughing. He'd made an heroic effort to hold it in (well, insidious was more like it; he was always tickled pink by Justin's embarrassment at frank sex talk, but his reactions to Gus's crude descriptions of his collection of dildos, chaps, crops, condoms, and lube were just delicious). In fact, Brian laughed so hard that his abdomen started to ache, so he was doubled over, arms around his midsection. When Justin caught sight of him by the door, he turned a deeper shade of red, though Brian wouldn't have thought it possible.

**Bedtime Story**

Gus raised an eyebrow at his father and then, already bored, started looking around the loft. That's when he spotted the new bed. He jumped up immediately and climbed the stairs, finally bounding onto the bed and starting to bounce on it. Justin looked back in alarm and then also jumped up, quickly following the boy.

Gus exclaimed, "Cool bed!" and then catching sight of his reflection in one of the mirrors, added, "Oh…look, that's me!"

Justin stood next to Gus, ready to catch him if he went flying toward either end (the frame was made out of wrought iron) and glanced over at Brian helplessly, with a pink tinge to his cheeks, Brian guessed because Gus had noticed the bed's naughty facets.

Brian joined Justin and Gus in the bedroom and, in an authoritative tone, asked, "Sonny boy, what have I told you about the bed?"

Gus suddenly stopped and answered despondently, "No bouncing and no shoes."

Brian nodded. "That's right."

Justin looked at Gus compassionately as Gus plopped down on his butt and slipped his shoes off. But then, as quickly as the wind, Gus's mood shifted. He scrambled under the covers and cried, "Daddy, tell me a story!"

Brian quirked an eyebrow. "A story?"

Gus nodded excitedly. Brian frowned. He didn't know any stories, no children's stories anyway. But then he looked at Justin, who was smiling at Gus, and an idea popped into his head.

Brian sat down and then patted a spot in between him and Gus. Justin smiled shyly and joined them.

Brian exhaled loudly. "A story…okay. Once upon a time, there lived two trolls. A tall one and a short one. They had hair growing everywhere. Large tufts stuck out of their noses and even their ears."

Gus exclaimed, "Gross!"

"Indeed they were. Anyhow, they, and other forces of darkness, had imprisoned a handsome young prince."

Gus asked curiously, "What was his name?"

Brian looked over at Justin and replied, "Prince Buttercup."

Justin flushed with pleasure.

Gus's eyes widened. "That's not a boy's name. Princes are boys, Daddy!"

Brian chuckled and shrugged. "That was his name."

Gus frowned, and Justin blushed in embarrassment.

Brian continued, "The prince remained locked in the dark tower for many years. He cooked and cleaned for the tall troll, who also lived there…"

Gus interrupted, "Where did the little troll live?"

Brian shrugged. "Under a bridge."

Gus nodded and said, "Oh…" knowingly.

He'd heard that trolls often lived under bridges.

That gave both Brian and Justin a chuckle.

Brian continued (slipping his arms around Justin's waist and pulling him so that he was sitting in between Brian's legs and leaning against his back), "Every day, whenever the prince wasn't slaving away for the tall troll, he fantasized about a certain handsome knight that he'd seen in his dreams. He drew many pictures of him and even wrote stories about how the handsome knight would rescue him from the tower."

Gus asked eagerly, "What was the knight's name? Did he ever come?"

Brian kissed Justin's neck tenderly. "His name was Enigma. Oh yes, he most definitely came (Justin giggled, and Brian pinched his nipple, causing Justin to yelp). But it took a few years. You see, he'd been dreaming about the prince, too. But he didn't know the prince was real. He thought he'd just imagined him."

Gus inquired, "Then how did he find him?"

Brian explained, "Whenever the prince had finished a chapter of one of his stories, he'd send it aloft, letting the wind carry the pages wherever it would."

Justin smiled. Brian was so clever.

Gus's eyes widened. "Did he find some of the papers?"

Brian nodded. "He did. The pages formed a trail…"

Gus interjected, "Like the breadcrumbs in Hansel and Gretel?"

"Yup. They led right to the tower."

"So the knight beat up the tall troll and saved the prince?"

"Indeed, he did. But it took more than just beating up the tall troll. He and the prince were imprisoned by the small troll for a little while after they left the tower."

"Under the bridge?"

Brian nodded. "In a cage. The small troll wanted to eat them for lunch."

Gus gasped. "How did they get out?"

"They tricked him. When he opened the cage to put them in the pot, the prince shouted, 'Oh no! A wildebeest!' The small troll was so dumb that he looked and the knight and the prince ran for their lives into the nearby forest, finally making their way to the knight's castle."

Gus asked softly, "Did they live happily ever after?"

Justin smiled shyly. He was dying to look back at Brian, but he didn't want to put the man on the spot anymore than he already was.

Brian felt Justin tense up. He paused to let him sweat it out a little, but then nuzzled his neck and said, "Well, they had to battle the trolls a few more times, but, when they weren't, they were very happy."

Afraid to ruin the moment, Justin didn't move or say a word, but he flushed with pleasure and smiled brightly.

Seeing Justin smile and color, Brian held him a little tighter.

Then Gus cried, "Tell me another, Daddy!"


	26. Playing Donna Reed

A/N: I got the idea for the title from the Gilmore Girls.

Brian frowned. Cracking the troll would be cake if he hadn't promised to be faithful. Several times over the last few days, Brian had considered simply asking Justin for a pass, but, when he looked into those beautiful blue eyes and saw the implicit trust within them, which was especially remarkable given that everyone Justin had loved before Brian had betrayed him, he just couldn't. He knew he needed to find another way to get Ian's troll to talk, perhaps even to switch sides, and quickly. Brian was due in court in just a few days, and there was no telling what Ian might do with those tapes or when.

So Brian had sent Cynthia on a covert mission to learn some details of the troll's life, as Brian didn't know his name or where he worked. He knew nothing about him except that he was fucking Ian. Cynthia was, as always, surprisingly successful. Brian had tasked her with this mission only yesterday, but here she was, sauntering into his office, a triumphant look on her face. She declared, "His name is Rob Stowe. He lives at 22 Fair Street and works at a McDonald's."

Brian couldn't help but laugh. Had Ian been dropped on his head as a baby? How could he think of cheating on an intelligent, talented, hot guy like Justin with an ugly loser like Rob Stowe, aka the troll? Of course, the troll's loser status might make Brian's goal easier to achieve. A few grand was a lot of money to someone living on minimum wage. Brian's thoughts were interrupted by his cell phone ringing. Cynthia excused herself.

"Brian Kinney here."

"You asshole!"

Brian smiled. "Hi, Deb. As always, it's great to hear from you."

"Has everyone met your _boyfriend_ but me? And since when do you do _boyfriends_?"

"Since I met Justin," he thought. Then he sighed. He'd been expecting this call. Actually, he'd expected it sooner.

Debbie demanded, "Come to the house for dinner tonight."

Brian replied flatly, "Can't do it." He knew he couldn't ask Justin to handle not only leaving the loft but also meeting the rest of his wacky adopted family. Deb was about to complain when Brian surprised her by adding, "But if you and the rest of the gang want, you can come by the loft tonight. Justin's an excellent cook."

She asked incredulously, "You're inviting us to your place?"

"Yup. Let's say 7."

She was still stunned, but she managed to respond, "Okay. Yeah. That'd be great!"

Brian bit the inside of his lip and doubleclicked on Buttercup1983 in his IM window. He hoped that he'd figured right.

**Enigma69 (2:00:00):** Feel like playing Donna Reed tonight, Sunshine?

Brian drummed his fingers on the desk as he waited impatiently for Justin to respond.

**Buttercup1983 (2:01:20):** (smiling a confused, but bright smile) What?

**Enigma69 (2:02:00): **The family has requested a sit-down.

**Buttercup1983 (2:02:25):** (eyes widening) Like the mob?

**Enigma69 (2:04:35):** (chuckling) Deb is as strong and unyielding as a mob boss and isn't above smacking people around when they annoy her, but no…The rest of the motley crew I call family wants to meet you, particularly Deb. That's Mikey's mom. She's been kind of like a second mother to me since I was a teenager. I was hoping you wouldn't mind if we had them over.

**Buttercup1983 (2:05:40):** I feel honored that you want to introduce me to them. I never met any of Ethan's family. It's short notice, but I'm sure I could put something together in time. When did you tell them to come by?

**Enigma69 (2:06:20):** 7pm. Are you sure you don't mind cooking? I could order Thai if you'd rather not.

**Buttercup1983 (2:06:57): **No! No. We can't serve takeout! Especially since this is the first time I'll be meeting them. Plus, I love cooking. But I don't know about the rest…

**Enigma69 (2:07:10):** The rest?

**Buttercup1983 (2:07:27):** (deep sigh) I have no pretty dresses or pearls…

**Enigma69 (2:08:00): **(grinning) You could go naked for all I care. In fact, I'd prefer it.

**Buttercup1983 (2:08:23):** (flushing with pleasure)

*************

Justin was one mishap away from a full-blown panic attack. He'd changed his clothes six times already and set and reset the table more than once. He'd decided against making one of his fancier dishes, settling for an old chicken pot pie recipe he'd gotten from his mom. In fact, part of the reason he'd chosen it was that it reminded him of his childhood, before he'd realized he was gay, before his family and childhood friends had shunned him. He'd made a tossed salad with romaine lettuce, kalamata olives, feta cheese, cherry tomatoes, blanched almonds, mushrooms, and red onions and braided the top crust of the pie, but, otherwise, he'd wanted to keep the meal simple. Meeting Brian's adopted family was stressful enough without juggling four or more pans on the stove and a baking dish in the oven.

He'd also made himself a huge cup of coffee in his favorite mug, a red one he'd brought from Ethan's. It was one of the few personal items his mother had brought him in the hospital, so he treasured it. It was only four inches tall, but it was six inches wide. Justin had long been in the habit of drinking coffee from this mug whenever he cooked. He didn't know why, but doing so reminded him of being in his mom's kitchen while she was cooking or baking. It always made feel him more at home wherever he was. After he'd filled his mug, he readied the coffeemaker to brew a new pot so that he need only flip the switch if any of the guests wanted coffee later.

Justin was just about to change for the seventh time when Brian entered the loft. Justin froze and kneaded his hands together, suddenly worried that Brian would be displeased or, worse, disappointed. But when Brian grinned, Justin couldn't help but smile, too. Brian walked over to Justin and quickly caught his lips in a passionate kiss. He set the bottle of wine he'd brought home on the counter (still kissing Justin and thus nearly letting it fall to the floor), pulled Justin against him roughly, and squeezed his ass.

When Brian broke their kiss, they were both breathless and hard. He slowly unbuttoned Justin's royal blue silk shirt while sucking on Justin's neck and pushed it off his shoulders. Justin moaned softly. Then Brian unbuttoned and unzipped Justin's black pants, pushed his pants and boxer-briefs down, and kneeled behind Justin. Justin was so surprised when Brian swirled his tongue around his entrance that he gasped and grabbed onto the counter to prevent himself from falling over. Then he moaned loudly when Brian pushed his tongue inside him. Brian pushed his tongue in and out a few times as he shrugged off his coat and unbuttoned and unzipped his pants.

Brian suddenly stood up, let his pants fall to the floor, sheathed his cock, and slicked it with lube. Then he slowly slid his hands up Justin's back and gripped his shoulders as he began pushing his cock inside Justin, who was still bent over the counter.

Justin muttered, "Oh fuck…"

Once Brian's cock was fully enveloped, he began to fuck Justin slowly, arching his back on each thrust so that his cock was buried as deeply as possible. He moaned low in his throat and then slid his hands down to Justin's hips.

Just then, they heard a knock on the door.

Brian cursed softly, "Fuck!" and then yelled, "Hold on."

He grasped Justin's hips firmly and started fucking him fast and hard. Justin bit his lip in an effort to stifle a moan, but had little success. Brian grabbed Justin's cock and slid his hand up and down Justin's shaft quickly, in time with his thrusts. He fucked Justin faster and faster, harder and harder, all the while jerking him off. Justin's body was thrumming with pleasure, so much so that the earth seemed to fall away. He couldn't hear a sound and saw only blackness. He wasn't even really aware of it when he came. He perceived only an incredible warmth and electricity flowing through his body and suddenly felt like he was floating. When Justin's ass clamped down on his cock, Brian came with a guttural moan that the entire building could hear.

Afterward, Justin remained motionless, still dazed. Brian ditched the condom in the kitchen trash bin, pulled up and refastened his pants, tossed a towel on the floor where Justin's cum had spilled, and then set about redressing Justin. Brian couldn't help but chuckle at Justin, who was still a little out of it and wearing a silly grin.

By the time Brian pulled open the loft door, Justin had fully regained consciousness, but he was a lot less nervous than he'd been minutes before.

When Brian opened the door to a crowd of people, most of whom were positively leering (exchanging knowing glances and, all but Mikey and two of the three women, checking Justin out hungrily), Justin immediately tensed up and started balling and unballing his hands and playing with his fingers. He thought he could hear his heart pounding in his chest (and more rapidly). He suddenly felt uncomfortably warm and, as the crowd approached, a little dizzy. He was about to make a break for it (translation, he was about to scurry to the other side of the counter and focus on dinner—although he'd done everything except serve it), but then Brian unexpectedly appeared beside him. He placed his hand on Justin's lower back and, when Justin didn't pull away, began rubbing it gently.

First, Brian pointed to a tall, slender, sandy-haired man dressed in a loose fuchsia shirt made of lightweight, almost sheer material, with gently flared sleeves, and tight cobalt blue pants. Brian stated flatly, "That's Emmett, also known as Emmy Lou and, since Gus was born, Auntie Em." The man smiled softly and curtsied.

Then Brian pointed to a shorter man with dark brown hair, thinning a little at the top. He was hunched over, as though carrying some invisible burden, and avoided eye contact, which actually suited Justin just fine. "That's Ted, the Eeyore of our group, albeit less cute." Ted bowed his head slightly in acknowledgement.

Brian continued, "You already know Mikey and Lindsay. The militant dyke next to her is Mel. She's Gus's wicked stepfather." Lindsay was clad in a delicate silver A-line dress with spaghetti straps (showing a disturbing amount of cleavage), and Mel, in a plain white short-sleeved button-down shirt with a wide collar and black pants.

Lindsay smiled brightly, almost too brightly, and Mel grimaced.

Brian chuckled. "That's as close as Mel gets to a smile in my presence, unless she forgets I'm here."

Finally, he pointed to a short, plump woman with curly red hair. She wore a bright floral print dress (mostly red, white, and black), with large red hooped earrings, and a huge fake red poppy in her hair.

"Last but not least…that's Debbie, mother hen of this queer brood."

With that, she made a beeline for Justin, causing him to step back and his eyes to widen in fear. Brian hesitated for a split second. He wasn't sure whether holding Justin would make him feel more comfortable or trapped and smothered. But he decided to risk it. He swung behind Justin, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his chin on Justin's shoulder. Brian sighed in relief when Justin melted into his embrace and started breathing more evenly.

Debbie's shrill voice rung out, "Hiya kiddo! Wow, you're a real cutie, aren't ya? Nice package! Turn around. Let me see that butt."

Mikey whined, "Ma!!"

Justin smiled uncomfortably. Before Debbie could say more, Brian declared, "Well, I'm starving. Let's eat." Then he steered Justin toward the beautifully set table, with black dishes and a black vase of royal blue pansies (that actually matched his shirt), which Justin had managed to have delivered before Brian arrived. The black-blue color scheme, Justin had thought, would suit Brian's mahogany dining table perfectly.

On the way to the table, Debbie caught a glimpse of Justin's perfectly shaped bubble butt. She nodded in approval and muttered, "Nice." Then she smacked Brian on the back of the head and reprimanded him, "Even considering his gorgeous bubble butt, making us wait outside the door while you finished getting your rocks off was a shitty thing to do!"

Justin blushed a pretty pink, Brian observed, but Brian…he just grinned.

Once everyone was seated, Justin took the pie out of the oven and brought that and the salad to the table.

When Deb saw the braided top crust, she exclaimed, "How fancy!"

Justin blushed. "Thank you."

Mikey rolled his eyes.

"My brother Vic is, or was, a pastry chef. He'd be very impressed."

Mikey countered, "Ma! He makes five-layer cakes and pastry so light it melts in your mouth. I highly doubt he'd be impressed by braided pie crust! Ha! Justin's more _Good Housekeeping_ than _Pastry Art and Design_!"

Seeing Justin deflating more and more as Mikey rambled on, Brian glared at his best friend and was about to say something, but Debbie beat him to it.

"And what can you make?"

Mikey looked around uncomfortably. "Well…nothing…"

"That's right! When you start making award-winning strudel, you can talk all you want. Until then, can it!

Justin tried, unsuccessfully, to stifle the smile that was slowly spreading across his face.

While opening the wine and beginning to pour it into the wine glasses Justin had placed on the table, Brian asked, "Where _is_ Vic tonight, anyway?"

Debbie huffed. "Rodney. Need I say more?"

Brian chuckled. "Nope."

When Brian and Justin were both seated, Ted cleared his throat and asked, "So, Justin, what do you do for a living?"

Justin smiled nervously.

Unsure how to answer, he stammered, "Uh…I…"

Brian quickly supplied, "Justin's a writer."

Then he rubbed Justin's back and smiled at him, which caused Justin to flush with pleasure.

Emmett clapped his hands together gently and inquired eagerly, "Ooo…what sort of stuff do you write?"

Justin replied hesitantly, "Umm…gay romance stories."

Emmett's eyes lit up. "Really?"

Brian's eyes shone as bright or brighter as he added, "His stories are right up your alley. They all contain a healthy dose of smut." He shot Justin a soft, sexy smile, continuing, "And some, unhealthy doses."

Justin blushed crimson.

Emmett reached across the table and patted Justin's hand excitedly. "You'll let me read some, won't you?"

That was the last thing Justin wanted to do, but, looking at Emmett, and the good-natured enthusiasm in his eyes, he just couldn't refuse. He nodded. "Sure."

Of course, he was hoping that Emmett would forgot all about his stories by the end of the evening. Unfortunately, Debbie and Ted also expressed an interest.

Debbie exclaimed, "Count me in, too!"

Ted interjected, "And me three! I might skip to the smut though…I'm not a huge fan of the lovey-dovey stuff."

Lindsay had been observing Brian and Justin closely during this turn in the conversation. She raised an eyebrow and asked pointedly, "How is it, exactly, that you know all about Justin's stories, Brian? Have you read them?"

Mikey scoffed, "As if! Brian would never read silly love stories. Not even smutty ones. Porn is for those who aren't getting any, right, Brian?"

Brian ignored Mikey. He just stared at Lindsay, not saying a word.

Mikey frowned, but kept quiet. For once, he was speechless.

Justin wasn't sure how or even whether Brian would answer. After thirty seconds of complete silence, Justin decided that he'd rather not know. He'd do anything to break the tension, and the silence. So he tried to distract everyone, asking cheerfully, "Does anyone want coffee? I know people usually wait until after dinner, but I'm a freak. I drink coffee all day. Even in the summer!"

More silence.

Justin had just started mentally berating himself when Emmett chirped, "That sounds good, Baby. Sign me up!"

Ted agreed, "Coffee would be nice."

Justin smiled gratefully and quickly moved to make it. However, he almost tripped when Mel asked, a little too nonchalantly, "How did you two meet, anyway, Brian?"

Justin looked over at his boyfriend (he loved thinking of him that way. He would never have believed that a beautiful, sexy, clever, and self-assured man, a bedroom dynamo, like Brian would ever want to be his boyfriend; Justin couldn't help but smile at that). Brian had resumed eating and continued to do so, apparently unfazed.

Mel prodded, "Well, Brian?"

Suddenly, Brian lifted his head. He turned back to look at Justin and gestured toward the table. Justin smiled a shy, confused smile and approached Brian hesitantly. When he was within reach, Brian took his hand and pulled him close. Then, he released Justin's hand and patted his legs. Justin's eyes grew wide, and he blushed a deeper shade of red, but he crawled into Brian's lap. Brian wrapped his arms around Justin's waist, and only then did he look at Mel. The guests' expressions (reactions to Brian's uncharacteristically sweet behavior) ranged from shocked (Ted) and disgusted (Mikey and Mel) to awed (Emmett and Debbie) and proud (Lindsay).

Brian declared, with a serious look on his face, in a soft voice, "Some time ago, I started having a recurring dream…"

Brian was not about to tell his surrogate family about his secret love of gay romance stories, and he figured that his fantasies about James were close enough to dreams.

"…about a beautiful, but shy and nearly virginal artist."

Embarrassed, Justin looked down and protested, though softly, "Brian!"

Brian held Justin a little bit tighter and grinned. He continued, "Then one very lucky night, I caught a glimpse of my dream boy in a bookstore."

Justin wrinkled his nose cutely. He supposed a bookstore was close enough to the truth. Brian certainly had a great many ways of telling their story without telling their story, well, not exactly.

Brian continued, "But he was leaving. I tried to catch him, but he drove off just as I came running out. Fortunately, I happened to notice the kind of car he drove. The next time I saw it at the bookstore, I left my number and a brief note. He didn't call, of course; but he did leave a note for me with the clerk. After a couple more notes were exchanged, he, finally, finally, left me his number."

Justin couldn't help but smile brightly at Brian's clever way of recounting their experience together online and at the thought of Brian being so eager for contact with him. He wondered if that had truly been the case.

Brian drawled, "So…I called him. We talked for hours and hours two nights in a row. Then, I told him I'd go crazy if I didn't get to see him."

At this point, he kissed Justin's neck. Justin slid his hands gently over his arms, which still encircled him.

"Justin hesitated, of course, but eventually relented. That night…I fucked him senseless…"

His voice had become a low growl on the last few words, sending a shiver through Justin's body and causing him to flush with pleasure, in response to not only his voice but also the memory of that night.

Brian's voice still a low growl, he added, "Twice."

And more softly, "…and then I asked him to be mine."

Justin smiled a shy smile and looked down.

Brian sighed comically and continued, "Unfortunately, he already had a boyfriend."

That drew surprised looks and a couple of gasps. Feeling embarrassed and guilty, Justin blushed.

But when Brian muttered, "So naughty" and kissed his neck, he couldn't help but smile. He'd cheat on Ethan all over again and much, much worse for the chance to be with Brian.

Then, a slight edge to his voice, Brian stated evenly, "I saw Justin and his troll boyfriend together the next morning. I confronted the boyfriend, telling him that he didn't know how to treat a beautiful, sexy, and talented person like Justin," causing Justin to flush with pleasure once more. Mikey crossed his arms and sighed loudly.

"Then I pled my case with Justin, asserting that I would treasure (and fuck) him like the troll he was with never could."

Mikey interrupted with a loud "Ha!" Then he inquired, "Do you really expect us to believe that you had to compete with someone for this twink?"

Brian shrugged. "Believe what you want."

Then he cleared his throat and continued, "Justin was, of course, appropriately moved. He dumped the troll on the spot and agreed not only to date me but also to live with me."

That elicited gasps from everyone but Mikey, who already knew that Brian and Justin were 'shacked up.'

After a few moments of silence, Mel replied flatly, "You couldn't just have said 'at a bookstore?'"

Everyone but Mikey (and Mel) burst out laughing.

Lindsay asked softly, "How old are you, Justin?"

"20."

Everybody's eyes widened at that.

Mel laughed. "So…what? Did you run out of people to fuck at Babylon and Woody's? Did you tap out all the other gay bars before starting to troll libraries and bookstores?"

Lindsay pinched Mel, but she was laughing.

Justin turned red. He wished he could crawl under a rock for the rest of the evening.

Lindsay asked brightly, "So…how long have you known each other?"

Justin cast his eyes downward and clenched and unclenched a fist. He had not been looking forward to this question.

Brian, unperturbed, replied, "Two weeks." It was actually just shy of two weeks, but he thought it better to round up.

Lindsay narrowed her eyes and pressed, "And you've been living together…for how long?"

Brian squeezed Justin a little tighter and answered, "Today is day five."

Carefully, she inquired, "Isn't that a bit fast?"

Brian shrugged. "When it's right, it's right."

Mel hissed, "And you think having Gus here, with a person you've only known two weeks, is appropriate?"

Brian's eyes flashed. He glared at Mel for a moment. He replied evenly, "Before you start criticizing my parenting skills, perhaps you should examine your own. Lindsay tells me that you've barely been home this _month_."

Then he plastered a fake smile on his face and offered coolly, "If you're having difficulty supporting Lindsay and Gus, all you need do is ask. You know I'd gladly help out."

Mel, eyes black with rage, spat out, "You son of a bitch!"

Brian chuckled. "You're gonna have to do better than that if you want to wound me. Stating facts certainly won't suffice." He hoped Mel would never learn that he'd been arrested for assault. She'd most definitely use that as leverage to try to get Lindsay to keep Gus away from him. Who knew what else she might do?

Mel ignored Brian and continued, "I don't need help supporting _my_ family. But even if I did, I certainly wouldn't ask an arrogant and heartless overgrown child with absolutely no morals. Let's get this straight right now. You're the sperm donor! That's all! Lindsay may be kind enough to let you see Gus, but you are _not_ his father. Not in any way that counts."

Justin, who was now regarding Mel coldly, could feel Brian stiffen, but no one else noticed a difference. Lindsay had been watching Brian and Mel's exchange in astonishment, but had, up till now, seemed paralyzed. Finally, she chastised her current lover, "Mel! That's a horrible thing to say!"

Mel scoffed. "Figures that I'm the one you'd yell at."

She jumped up from the table and stormed toward the door. Once there, she paused, whirled around, and hissed, "Are you coming or not? You could stay here with your ex if you'd like, but I doubt Justin would approve."

Lindsay colored and rose quickly from the table. Brian sighed and let his head fall onto Justin's shoulder. Then he turned his head so that he was looking directly at Justin, who had paled and whose face now wore a look of horror. Even shocked and jealous, Justin (Brian thought) looked fucking adorable. Brian corrected softly, "Lindsay's not my ex. I fucked her a couple of times a long time ago…when I was still a little confused."

Justin relaxed visibly.

Apparently Lindsay was not moving fast enough for Mel because she exited the loft, slamming the door on her way out.

Mortified, Lindsay half-said, half-cried out, "Thank you, Justin. Dinner was lovely. Brian, I'll call you later."

Then she rushed after Mel.

No one spoke for a few minutes. Finally, Emmett broke the silence. "So…Justin, did you say there was coffee?"

Justin looked up and smiled. "Oh yeah. Let me get it."

Debbie, feeling bad that Mel and Brian's constant needling of one another had ruined Justin and Brian's first dinner party (that thought made her shake her head and chuckle), interjected, "You just stay where you are. I can get this."

Then Ted asked, "So…Justin, do you publish your stories in magazines?"

Justin shook his head. "I post them online."

"How do you make money doing that? How did you even get into this line of work?"

Justin replied hesitantly, "Well…it's complicated, but, basically, I saw an ad for a publisher looking for writers of gay smut. For the hell of it, I decided to give it a try. I mean, the advertised pay was damn good, and I'd be able to work from home. So I wrote a few chapters of a story (what later became the beginning of _Innocence_) and submitted them. The editor said that my writing sample was a bit different from most other submissions, you know, more serious and romantic, but he really liked it. He thought that I'd be able to widen the publisher's target audience, appealing to both heterosexual women and gay men. So he set up a Web site for me. Visitors can read the first few chapters of all of my stories for free, but, for more, they have pay a monthly fee, which varies depending upon whether they subscribe to individual stories or my entire Web site."

Ted nodded. "Ah....your site operates like most porn sites."

Justin's eyes widened. Brian glared at Ted.

Ted cleared his throat and shifted in his seat nervously. He thought it prudent to change the subject a little, so he asked, "And there's good money in it?"

Justin smiled and nodded. "Oh yes. I make a hell of a lot more than I did working for my dad and much more than a high school graduate probably should."

Brian chastised Justin, but gently. "Don't sell yourself short. Writing skill like you've got can't be taught in school. Every day, the number of people subscribing not just to your individual stories but to your entire Web site grows. And fast."

Justin blushed and looked down, but agreed, "That's true." Then he turned so that he was sitting sideways in Brian's lap and whispered huskily, "Your influence and my experiences with you have certainly had a positive impact. Somehow I feel like you've always been my muse. Of course, having you here with me in the flesh is much better than relying on dreams or fantasies…"

Brian smiled softly, even a little shyly.

Emmett piped up, "Well, you have three more subscribers now. Or you will. Right Deb…right Teddy?"

Ted and Debbie both nodded and replied, "Yes. Course."

Debbie chuckled and added, "and now that my son knows that Brian's inspiring some of the smut…he'll probably subscribe, too, though he may not admit it."

When he realized that everyone had heard him whispering to Brian, Justin blushed a brighter red than he had the entire night and buried his face in Brian's chest.

Debbie, realizing that she'd embarrassed the boy and that they'd already been there a couple of hours, said, "Well, I'm about ready to turn into a pumpkin. Why don't we all head out?"

Ted and Emmett both agreed. Mikey just headed toward the door. Justin was saved from a Debbie hug by the embarrassment she'd caused him. She normally didn't mind embarrassing people; in fact, she usually liked it, especially if they were shy. But there was something different about Justin's shyness. She couldn't quite put her finger on it.

Brian stood and walked them to the door, but Justin remained in the chair they'd shared, though he did smile and say goodbye. So Debbie, Emmett, and Ted complimented dinner (again) and the coffee, made Brian swear to email them the URL for Justin's Web site, and departed.

As soon as Brian shut the door, Justin stood and started clearing the table.

Brian grinned and asked, "So…what do you think?"

Justin looked up in surprise. "Huh?" He'd been lost in thought.

Brian chuckled. "About my crazy surrogate family."

Justin laughed. He replied, "Oh…they're nice. But when Brian raised an eyebrow, he added, "…well, most of them."

Then he said, "But I have so many questions now. Mel seems to envy and even despise you, so why did Lindsay ask you to be her sperm donor? And that last thing Debbie said about Mikey…is he in love with you? Is that why he hates me so much? Were you two ever together?"

Brian chuckled and came up behind Justin, who was at the sink about to start washing the dishes.

"Yes, Mikey is in love with me, and, yes that's why he hates you, but, no, we were never together. I'll leave the other question for a different time. Right now, I'd rather fuck than talk. I have a lot of tension to release and your ass was rubbing against my cock through most of dinner."

Justin flushed. He protested, "But Brian, the dishes…"

Brian spun Justin around and pulled Justin roughly against him. Justin's breathing grew ragged at the profound hunger he perceived in Brian's gaze.

He stammered, "I…I guess the dishes can wait."

Brian replied huskily, "You're damn right they can."

Then he sent his lips crashing down onto Justin's.


	27. Very, Very

**Justin's Naughty, Very, Very Naughty**

Brian was surprised when Justin broke their kiss, taking Brian by the hand and leading him into the bathroom. Justin quickly shed his clothes and then started to remove Brian's. Slowly.

Justin didn't speak or even look into Brian's eyes. He was completely absorbed in stripping Brian naked. Brian found this strange, but he was eager to see where Justin was going, where his strange behavior would lead.

Justin tugged at Brian's tie until it was loose and then slipped it over Brian's head, casually tossing it aside. Then he pushed Brian's suit jacket off his shoulders and pulled it gently down and off Brian's arms. He actually hung that up on a hanger on the back of the bathroom door. Then he started unbuttoning Brian's shirt, staring at Brian's skin as he exposed it inch by inch. Mesmerized.

Justin spread his hands along the bronze expanse of Brian's chest as he pushed Brian's shirt open and licked his lips. Then he slid his hands up to Brian's neck and down along his arms as he pushed Brian's shirt off. It fell to the floor, but Justin didn't move to pick it up. He was unbuckling Brian's belt. His breathing was ragged now. He pulled Brian's belt off fast, making a soft zipping sound, and then let it fall carelessly. His hands shook as he unbuttoned and unzipped Brian's pants. When he slid his hands over Brian's small firm ass, pushing Brian's pants down, his entire body began to tremble.

Suddenly, he swung around and turned the shower on, pausing a moment to adjust the temperature. Then he turned back and took Brian by the hand, still avoiding Brian's eyes as he led him into the shower. Once they were under the water, Justin soaped up his hands. He moaned softly as he ran them over Brian's cock and balls. He bit his lip as he squeezed Brian's cock with one hand, hard, and slid it up and down Brian's shaft, slow at first, but then more quickly. Meanwhile, he ran the fingers of his other hand lightly over Brian's balls. Brian closed his eyes and leaned back against the shower wall.

Justin then thrust his hands into the water and stepped back until the water was pouring down Brian's chest and groin. Brian's eyes flew open when he felt Justin's hot wet mouth envelop his cock. Justin had slid to his knees and had placed his hands against the shower wall to brace himself as he slowly took Brian's cock into his mouth.

Brian was unable to stifle a shout as Justin suddenly deepthroated him and swallowed around the head of his cock. He threaded his fingers into Justin's silky blond hair, now damp from the spray, and watched the young man slide his cock in and out of his mouth. He bobbed his head up and down fast, as though possessed, as though desperate to feel Brian's orgasm shudder through him and swallow his cum. The thought brought Brian closer to the edge, and he started panting. He grunted when Justin grabbed his ass and started devouring his cock even more feverishly. Justin was moaning now, which sent trills of delicious heat vibrating through Brian's body. His eyelids were so heavy, but he wouldn't allow them to close. He was fascinated by the sight of Justin wolfing down his cock, by the pleasure doing so was clearly giving him (his cock was leaking profuse quantities of precum and nearly purple, and his face was the picture of bliss).

When Justin slid a finger inside Brian it was all over. He threw back his head and shouted, "Fuck! Oh fuck!" as his orgasm burned through every cell in his body and then poured out of him into Justin's eager mouth. Justin greedily gulped it down, swallowing even as he continued to suck Brian's cock.

Brian was pleasantly surprised when Justin pulled Brian to his knees and pushed him so that he was on all fours. Justin rarely took the lead when they fucked, but when he did, he was so overcome by passion and fear that Brian found Justin even more irresistible. But he was shocked beyond belief when Justin began pushing his bare cock inside him. Justin's entire body shook with the force of the passion he felt and…something else. It was as though he were desperate to tell Brian something, to speak through his body.

Brian was even more shocked at his response to Justin's surprising act. He did not resist. At all. In fact, he relished in the contact of skin on skin, relished in the many new sensations he was experiencing, relished in the feel of Justin's hard cock throbbing inside him. Brian was so unaccustomed to being fucked that he was incredibly tight. His ass clung to Justin's cock even as it opened to admit it. It was as though Justin's body were an extension of his own. He could feel every twitch, every tremor of Justin's cock as well as its contours. It was the single most incredible experience Brian had ever had. The fact that barebacking was usually a no-no in Brian's book, a big no-no, just made the experience more thrilling for him. Even stranger, he found himself wanting to let Justin have all of him, to risk everything for him, for this young man he'd known less than a month. He wanted to give and risk and fall. And keep falling.

Justin pushed his cock inside Brian slowly, so slowly that Brian could feel the tension in his body. He was using every ounce of willpower to resist the temptation to thrust his cock all the way inside Brian. As he entered him, he slid his hands up Brian's legs slowly, sliding them toward his hips. When they were finally, finally, fully joined, Justin gripped Brian's hips tight and moaned loudly. A deep, deep, deep body moan. Then he leaned over Brian so that his chest was covering Brian's back. He rested his cheek against Brian's and whispered huskily, "You're so beautiful, Brian, and I love you so much…So fucking much." His voice broke on the last three words.

Brian didn't even hesitate. He replied softly, "I love you more."

Suddenly Justin froze. He cried out, "Oh God, Brian, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking" and started to pull out.

Brian didn't say anything at first. He simply grabbed Justin's thigh with one hand and pushed back, hard, so that Justin's cock was once again completely buried in Brian's ass. Both Brian and Justin moaned loudly when they were again fully joined.

Justin continued to object, "Brian, I…"

But Brian interjected, his voice low and husky, "Fuck me, Justin."

These words seemed to reach Justin's unconscious mind first, for he automatically arched his back, thrusting his cock a little deeper inside Brian. Then he moaned, "Oh God," grabbed Brian's ass, and started thrusting in and out, slowly, arching his back every time they were fully joined. He'd thrown back his head and shut his eyes tight and was biting his lip, fighting to maintain control. But he soon lost whatever tenuous control he'd been able to muster. He let out a guttural moan and started slamming into Brian, gyrating his hips even as he thrust in and out.

Brian was overwhelmed by sensation, so much so that he could no longer see or hear. Just feel and respond, and only instinctually. He felt electricity crackle throughout and an inferno rise and surge within his body, and he wanted more. So much more. Thus, he lay his chest on the shower floor so that Justin could penetrate him more deeply and started pushing back. Brian's very clear need and willingness to show Justin, at least for a moment, his vulnerability, his desire in all its forms, further enflamed Justin. He moaned loudly, "Oh fuck! Oh Brian!" and thrust faster and faster, harder and harder.

All of a sudden, a delicious, dizzying vortex of heat and electricity surged through them both. They froze as it ravaged their bodies with pleasure and flowed out of them, drawing with it shouts ("Ohh, Ohhh, Ohhhhhhh!) and leaving them exhausted and limp. Justin collapsed on Brian's back, and Brian, on his arms. They both fought to catch their breath and slow their rapidly beating hearts. Neither noticed that the water had grown cold, for intense heat still coursed through their bodies.

Finally they separated. Justin placed a hand on the shower wall to hold himself steady and then helped Brian to his feet. Once standing, Brian took Justin into his arms. They both involuntarily sighed in contentment when they felt the other's arms around them, and each buried his face in the other's neck. They stood there like that under the freezing cold spray for a few minutes, oblivious to everything but each other.

Later, they were lying in bed, when Justin exclaimed, "I can't wait to feel you inside me, nothing separating us."

Brian didn't say anything for a long moment. Justin wasn't sure how he'd expected Brian to answer, but he'd expected some response. He looked over at Brian, trying desperately to read his face, but it was impassive, completely devoid of expression. Finally, Brian declared, "Never gonna happen."

Justin furrowed his brow in confusion. "Why not?"

In a disturbingly calm voice, Brian replied, "I've been with many, many, many other men. I could be positive."

"I swallow your cum." After a short pause, he added, "And as often as possible."

That gave Brian a giggle.

Justin couldn't help but smile. Then, more seriously, he added, "If you're positive, I've already been exposed."

Brian shook his head. "True, but you're 50 times more likely to be infected through anal sex than through blow jobs."

"For all you know, I'm positive."

"Justin, you were only ever with one other person. The chances of that are slim."

"If you're so against it, why did you let me fuck you raw?"

Brian had been meeting Justin's gaze, but now he looked away.

After waiting a long moment for a response, Justin sighed. "Part of being in a relationship is allowing yourself to be vulnerable, risking."

Brian exploded, "I did risk. That's what all that was about!"

Justin was stunned into silence.

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth.

A few moments later, more softly, he said, "But just because I…that doesn't mean that I'd let you…"

Justin protested, "Brian, my body and my life are my own. It's not your job to protect me."

In almost a whisper, Brian asked, "And if I don't…"

Justin shook his head. "You certainly don't need to protect me from you. You get tested monthly, you're always careful…wouldn't you know if a condom slipped off or broke? And…you and I are monogamous."

Brian looked at Justin sharply and hissed, "And how do you know that I haven't been fucking someone at the office? Ian promised to be faithful, too."

Justin sighed heavily. "Don't even compare yourself to him."

Brian pressed, "How do you know I wouldn't lie to you? You've only known me a few weeks."

"I know."

"But how?"

Justin had reached the end of his patience. He snapped, "Because, asshole, I knew you before we met."

Brian just stared at him.

More softly, Justin continued, "I dreamed you in Aidan, and…and when I looked into your eyes for the first time, I saw you, really saw you, all of you. And every moment, from that to this, you've proved over and over that you are exactly who I think you are."

Brian swallowed hard. "And who is that?"

"A man who doesn't need to lie to get what he wants. A man who, on principle, tells the truth even if it causes someone else pain, knowing that a lie would hurt worse later. You might not always offer up information, I mean, I did have to push you to tell me what you saw at Ethan's apartment that made you beat him to within an inch of his life. Even then, you could have made something up. Something that would have hurt me less. But you didn't. And I know, _I know_, that you'd never make a promise if you knew you couldn't or wouldn't keep it. You said you'd get my money back from Ethan and you did. You said you'd get the tapes back, and you went right back over there to do just that. If I hadn't freaked out, you'd probably already have them."

Justin took a moment to breathe, but he didn't lose any steam. He continued full throttle, "On top of _all_ _that_, you were so worried about me that first morning that you followed me to Ethan's and then IMed me from a coffeeshop, even coming over to make sure I was okay. You weren't even angry that I hadn't told you I was still with Ethan. You asked me to be your boyfriend, you promised to be faithful, you asked me to move in with you, you let me buy a new bed for us to share, you re-enacted a scene from one of my romance stories (and knew the words by heart), you took an interest in my writing and even helped me with it, you told me that you love me, and you not only let me fuck you, but you let me fuck you raw. You are everything I ever dreamed of and more!"

Brian didn't reply; he just looked at Justin with an expression so intense that it nearly knocked the wind out of Justin.

After a long, long, moment, Brian asked in a low growl (that sent a frightening, yet delicious shiver through Justin's body), "You want me to fuck you raw? You want to risk everything for me?"

Justin didn't hesitate. He stated firmly, "Yes."

Brian's eyes lost focus for a moment (and though the changes were slight, Justin noticed that Brian's breathing grew shallow and he trembled a little), but then he trained that same intense gaze back on Justin and declared, "You got it."

In one movement, he flipped Justin onto his back, climbed on top of him, and kissed him passionately. The kiss was so deep that Justin's heart stopped beating, and he forgot how to breathe.

**Brian's Something, Very, Very Something**

Brian moved his hands underneath Justin's neck and tilted Justin's head, thrusting his tongue deeper and deeper into Justin's mouth. Justin met Brian's fire with his own, fire that burned as hot or hotter.

The excitement of what they were about to do urged Justin forward, giving him a confidence he rarely felt. He slid his hands over Brian's ass, caressing his small, firm buttocks and pulling him closer, rubbing their hard and leaking cocks together. Brian moaned into Justin's mouth.

Justin broke their kiss, but slowly, pausing a moment to draw his lips softly over Brian's and again when their lips were so close, but not touching, to examine Brian's face. His skin was flushed, his eyes closed. Justin sighed as he focused on the bits and pieces, one by one: Brian's chestnut hair, damp and mussed, the few beads of sweat on his brow, his long eye lashes, his thin but perfectly shaped lips…Justin's breath caught in his throat as he remembered the feel of Brian's soft lips on his own, on his body. Then he began licking and sucking and nibbling on Brian's neck. His tongue, his mouth, and Brian's skin were wet and warm, and together, heaven.

Brian breathed, "Sunshine…"

This just spurred Justin on. He flipped Brian onto his back and mounted him, placing Brian's cock at his entrance. His breathing was ragged, and his body hummed electric.

Brian stared at Justin, his eyelids heavy with desire, his breathing shallow, and his face flushed. He whispered, "Lube…"

Justin shook his head firmly, Brian thought, a little like an impertinent child. Brian couldn't help but smile. But when Justin half-stated, half-moaned, his voice so husky that Brian's cock jumped, "No, I only want to feel you inside me. I don't want anything between us," his body burned and trembled with the force of those words, the implications. Justin saw the fear in Brian's eyes and breathed, pleading, "Please trust me, Brian; trust us."

Suddenly determined, overwhelmed by the rare desire to give everything, to take everything, he grabbed Justin's ass and yanked him down hard until his cock was halfway inside Justin. Justin's eyes grew to the size of saucers, and he cried out, "Fuck, Brian! Fuck yeah!"

Brian felt laughter bubbling up through his body; it was the strangest sensation he'd ever felt, a tickling burning, like he wanted to giggle and moan and just ram his cock into Justin, over and over, until he had no strength left. In one quick movement, Brian flipped Justin onto his back, his legs on Brian's shoulders, and drove his cock home. Justin moaned, "Ohhh, Ohhhhhh!"

Brian threw back his head and began to thrust in and out of Justin. The tight wet heat surrounding his cock was even tighter, wetter, and hotter now that nothing separated them and that was saying a lot. Justin was already the source of the greatest pleasure Brian had yet known. So tight. Even after Brian had pounded his ass at least a hundred times. He started to pant. Being inside Justin like this was the sweetest torture. It took everything in him not to explode immediately, the moment they were fully joined, like an inexperienced twink.

Brian slid his hands up Justin's legs and arched his back, thrusting as deeply as he could. Then he moaned a deep body moan.

Without even being conscious of it, Brian was inching Justin's legs up higher and open wider as he thrust in and out. Meanwhile, Justin, lost in sensation and their rhythm, was riding the waves of heat and electricity Brian's thrusts were eliciting even as he rode Brian's cock, and ride it he did, despite his odd position.

Justin, too, arched his back while meeting Brian's thrusts, spreading his arms wide on the bed as he did so. Brian was suddenly taken with the sight. So much so that his breath caught in his throat. Justin's eyes were closed, his face flushed, and his mouth open slightly. A few strands of silky blond hair had fallen onto his forehead. Strangely, Brian ached to brush them aside, but, more, just to touch his boyfriend's face. There was something so fragile and precious about Justin that no amount of fucking, sucking, and rimming could sully or otherwise diminish. At this moment, Brian found Justin so beautiful that it almost hurt to look at him. Yet nothing could force Brian to tear his eyes away. This was certainly not a solitary experience. Brian had often had that feeling, that thought, in the last two weeks. He was suddenly desperate to possess Justin, in every conceivable way, though Brian knew that he would not, could not, succeed; he would never feel that he had all of Justin. Some part of him would forever elude Brian, for it was not of this world.

But Brian was not one to be put off by impossibility. He was at his best when attempting to achieve the impossible. In fact, he'd made a career out of doing just that. Unfortunately, Brian knew he'd spend a lifetime _trying_ to possess Justin. He shook his head to banish the thought, moved his hands down to Justin's ass, gently sliding them over Justin's ass cheeks and grabbing his hips firmly. Then he pulled Justin toward him even as he thrust, quickening the pace, fucking Justin harder.

Justin moaned, "Oh…dear…God…" and involuntarily arched his back even more, pushing back faster and harder. Brian continued to hold Justin's hips just as firmly, but he let Justin's legs slide off his shoulders, leaning down to capture Justin's lips in a searing kiss. Only then did Brian release Justin's hips, though maintaining their quicker, harder rhythm. He slid his hands along Justin's chest until they reached his face. Brian cupped Justin's cheeks gently, so gently, but, paradoxically, thrust his tongue deeper, plundering Justin's mouth and lips. When Brian finally pulled back, he rubbed his cheek against Justin's and started licking and sucking and nibbling on Justin's ear lobe.

Justin moaned, "Oh fuck! Oh Brian…oh Brian….I….love…you…so…fuck—ing…much..."

Brian chuckled at Justin's declaration, but then, softly, so softly, Brian said, his voice breaking halfway through. "You couldn't possibly love me the way I love you."

Justin's chest constricted and he was about to protest, when Brian rotated his hips and thrust impossibly deeper. Justin's mind suddenly went blank, and he shouted as his orgasm rose and exploded through him.

Justin's shout was quickly joined by Brian's as Justin's ass clamped down, like a vice, on Brian's naked cock, sending his orgasm rushing through and out of him like a freight train. Brian threw back his head and roared.

Brian and Justin's gasps, as they tried to catch their breath, were unexpectedly drowned out by the shrill ring of the phone.

Brian ignored it, but as soon as it stopped, it started again.

He sighed deeply and, still inside Justin, he reached for the phone (it was on the end table). Then he barked, "This better be good!"

Justin bit back a smile.

Brian let his head fall onto Justin's chest and closed his eyes when he heard Ted's low monotone asking, "Has Justin ever done porn?"

Brian replied with a single word, "Fuck."


	28. Love Makes You Do Crazy Things

Brian felt like a complete asshole lying about this, especially after Justin's little encomium about his honesty, but Justin had acknowledged that Brian had been guilty of lies of omission, and he didn't seem to mind. Brian just needed more information before he said anything to Justin. He needed to know exactly what Ted had seen. Had Ian made all the tapes available for public consumption or just one? What distribution channel(s) had he used? Was it possible to put the kibosh on whatever method had been used to release the tape(s)? If Brian couldn't stop this, he needed to do some damage control. He hoped that, at the very least, he could prevent the rest of the tapes from ever being seen.

No, telling Justin at this point was out of the question. Brian was a natural-born problem solver. How could he reassure Justin if he didn't have enough facts to determine a solution? A plan of attack? So Brian shook his head when Justin turned toward him, with a concerned look in his eyes, and inquired, "What's wrong?"

"Ted just needs me to look at something. He runs a porn Web site, and he encountered something problematic."

Justin smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, he runs a porn site? That explains some of his comments at dinner."

Brian smirked. "It explains a hell of a lot more than that, Sunshine."

Justin smiled even more brightly.

"So I'd better go take a look. I shouldn't be more than an hour or two."

Justin sighed. "Okay." Then his eyes lit up. "You know, this is good. I should do some writing anyway. I have an idea for a new story."

Brian shook his head in wonder. After everything that had happened with Ethan, how could Justin be so hopeful? "Have you always been a glass-half-full kind of person?"

Justin shook his head and looked down. "Well, I used to be, but then…things happened…my recovered optimism is a very recent development." With that, he looked up and beamed at Brian. Brian had brought light back into his life, and Justin wasn't shy about sharing that. He needed Brian to know how wonderful Justin thought, knew, he was.

Brian grimaced inwardly. He didn't want anything to dim the light he saw in Justin's eyes or to erase his soft, blissful smile. So he planted a passionate kiss on Justin's lips (causing Justin to moan), quickly dressed (causing Justin to pout cutely), kissed Justin again (this time eliciting a warm laugh), and then ran out the door.

*************

Brian had been gone an hour when the phone rang, jolting Justin back to reality (he'd been deeply embroiled in a new story, one about a seemingly cold, but heroic hazel-eyed man who falls madly in love with a young blue-eyed blond that he serendipitously saves from a gun-toting stalker).

Justin was kind of hoping that it was Brian calling, although he would have been happy with it being anyone other than Michael. Turned out, it was Lindsay. She was trying to sound cheery, but Justin could hear the strain in her voice. "Hi, Justin, is Brian there?"

Not knowing what he was saying, as he was not familiar with Brian-Fucking-Kinney speak, he replied, "No, something came up. He had to go out for a little while."

Lindsay sighed. Brian would never grow up, would he? "He's tricking? Well I guess that makes sense after that debacle of a dinner…"

Justin's eyes shot open. "No, no. He went to Ted's."

That was surprising. Ted was little more than Brian's favorite target (for witty slights), well, from Brian's perspective anyway.

"So Brian isn't at Babylon drinking and fucking?"

"Uh…no…"

"Huhn."

Lindsay seemed almost disappointed. Did she enjoy viewing Brian as a slut? Chastising him for clubbing and tricking, but secretly envying his freedom? Or maybe she just liked having Brian to run down. Perhaps it made her feel like a good person. Justin prodded gently, "What?"

"Well, it's just…whenever something bad happens, whenever Brian's really wounded, he usually drinks himself into oblivion, all the while fucking and sucking tons of nameless, faceless men. That's always been his form of pain management."

Justin didn't know whether to smile (not so much smile as grin like a fool) or frown. He hated that drinking and tricking had been Brian's coping method before Justin had met him, but he was thrilled beyond belief that Brian no longer needed to do that. Brian was upset by his fight with Mel, sure, but, by the time he had left for Ted's, he seemed to have forgotten all about it. The idea that Justin was Brian's new coping method made him feel a little high and made him want to do a happy dance. He thought, "What the hell?" and started dancing, doing a little spin and wiggling his butt. His smile could have blinded all of Pittsburgh.

Unbeknownst to Justin, as he was facing away from the door and completely focused on his conversation with Lindsay, Brian had returned, just in time to see some butt wiggling. Brian smiled, but didn't bring Justin's attention to his arrival. He was curious to know what had Justin dancing.

Justin hid his happiness and surprise well. After a few moments of smiling and shaking it, he replied simply, "Oh." He was dying to tell Lindsay that Brian no longer tricked, but he didn't think it was her business. What he and Brian shared was no one's business but their own.

Lindsay sighed again. "Well, I'm glad that Brian is behaving tonight, but could you tell him to take it easy on the drinking and tricking? Mel's looking for any excuse to revoke Brian's visitation, you know. Oh hell, what am I saying? It's not like Brian ever listens. You can't tell him anything."

She sighed yet again. Justin shook his head. This was someone Brian had known for years and the mother of his son, yet she seemed to know very little about Brian and, worse yet, to have zero faith in him. No wonder Brian thought he was just a pretty face (well, and a hot body and a phenomenal lover). No wonder he thought he was worth so little. Justin suddenly hated Lindsay. He doubted that he would have an impact on her, but he still felt duty bound to try. "Well, you know what an incredible father he is, right? How wonderful he is with Gus?"

Brian stiffened.

"Yes, of course."

"Why isn't that enough? You're Gus's birth mother. You should have a major say in who spends time with Gus. Plus, whatever Brian may have signed, he is still Gus's birth father. Courts tend to favor natural parents. Birth mothers are increasingly being awarded custody or partial custody of their children even when they only agreed to be surrogates or when they opted to give their children up for adoption. And men's groups have been increasingly advocating for fathers' rights. If Mel tried to prevent Brian from seeing Gus, he'd probably be in an excellent position to sue for custody or, at least, visitation."

Brian couldn't help but be impressed by how knowledgeable Justin seemed (and pleased at how forceful Justin was being on his behalf).

Lindsay stammered, "Uh…I…um. Yeah, but Brian's hardly a pillar of the community. He's never had a real relationship, and he's not very responsible."

Justin was furious. How could Lindsay be so blind? Justin had known Brian a paltry two weeks, yet he had already observed what a loving, protective man he was. From the one visit with Gus Justin had witnessed (and the way Brian had described their previous visit), Justin could easily perceive how much Brian loved his son, how much he cared about his son's well-being. The fact that Brian owned sex toys, that Brian had previously gone out frequently, that Brian had been a huge slut, reflected not one bit on his parenting ability. Even if Brian were still whoring around and drinking himself into oblivion on occasion, he would never expose Gus to that.

"Do you really believe that Brian would ever hurt Gus?"

Brian's eyes widened. What the hell had brought that out?

"Well, no. No. Of course not! Especially not with his past…"

Her last comment gave Justin pause, but he didn't want to pry. Brian would tell him about, Justin guessed, his childhood when he was ready.

Instead, he pressed, "Then why does it matter whether he's a pillar of the community? He loves Gus and would never hurt him, and I highly doubt he'd ever trick or drink himself into oblivion around Gus."

"Well, no. I didn't mean to suggest that he would."

"Then I don't see why he needs to 'behave.' (Brian quirked an eyebrow. He had suspected as much early on, but now, he knew Justin must be talking to Lindsay.) Why should he be anyone other than he is to please Mel? (Brian couldn't help but smile, though he looked down. He didn't want to risk Justin turning around and seeing the vulnerability in his eyes.) Clearly, you thought he'd make a good father, or you wouldn't have asked him to be the sperm donor and then encouraged him to be a part of Gus's life. Mel's problem with him seems to be personal, based on jealousy over you. It's not exactly fair for that to affect Brian's rights to his son."

Brian thought, "You tell her, Buttercup!" He wondered how Justin could ever have believed that he lacked courage.

"Well, I…But he baits her! He insinuated that Mel was a bad mother and that she couldn't take care of her family. No, her feelings about him shouldn't dictate whether Brian gets to see his son, but he makes a bad situation worse by taunting her."

"Uh…I seem to recall two people taunting each other. In fact, Mel was the one who started the fight. Maybe you should tell Mel to behave."

Brian's eyes nearly popped out of his head, and he was suddenly filled with the urge to push Justin up against a pillar and fuck him into tomorrow, well, or suck his cock so masterfully that he lost consciousness. Lindsay was stunned into silence.

Justin continued, "In fact, maybe you should behave…"

"What????"

Brian bit his lip to stifle a laugh.

"People take cues from the people close to them. You clearly have little faith in Brian. You seem to believe that Brian is incapable of loving another person and that he can't be counted on when it really matters. Mel called Brian 'an arrogant and heartless overgrown child with absolutely no morals.' But perhaps Mel got that impression from you. Granted, I'm sure Brian has said and done things that don't cast him in the greatest light…but if you showed Mel that you truly have faith in Brian, if you told her you believed that he has the ability to genuinely love and care for others, and not just Gus, maybe she wouldn't hate him so much. Maybe she'd see that he _is_ an incredibly giving person, even if he doesn't broadcast his good deeds for all to hear."

"Well I never!" With that, she hung up. What a petulant little fuck! Brian was definitely going to hear about this.

Justin burst out laughing. Part of it was tension release. But most of it was simple joy. He had no idea how he'd mustered up the courage to say the things he had, but he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Lindsay needed to hear them. He shook his head and stated softly, "I guess love really does make you do crazy things…"

"Indeed it does, Sunshine…"

Justin whirled around, and he turned white. "Oh God. How long have you been standing there?"

Brian smiled softly. "Long enough to know that you deserve to have your world rocked."

Justin giggled and flushed in anticipation as Brian stalked toward him, in full predator mode, his eyes burning with desire.


	29. The Ruse

Brian's court appearance for the assault charge was two days away, and Justin was worried. Ethan had needed to go to the hospital, and the boy Ethan had been cheating with was a witness. Justin couldn't see how Brian would be able to defeat the charge, and he was feeling desperate. Desperate times called for desperate measures. So Justin signed on to AIM with Ethan's screen name. He knew that Ethan would never back down, not for anything, since his pride was involved. Justin had left him and had cheated on him, and he wanted to make both Justin and Brian pay. He wouldn't stop until he had done just that. Ethan's new boyfriend, if that's who he was now, could be swayed, Justin believed. But in order to make that happen, Justin would need to lie and deceive. Justin was a terrible liar and hated to even attempt it, but he'd do anything to make the assault charge go away.

Justin sat on the couch, his computer on his lap, tapping his fingers nervously on the keyboard as he waited for someone, Justin hoped the new boyfriend, to contact him. He didn't have to wait long. A minute later a window popped up.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:00:00): I thought you were practicing.

**musicalgenius** (2:00:10): I'm taking a break.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:00:40): Oh. Cool. So can I come over?

**musicalgenius** (2:01:00): I'd rather you didn't.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:01:10): Why?

**musicalgenius** (2:01:30): I have other plans.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:01:40): What kind of plans?

**musicalgenius** (2:02:00): Look, it's been fun, but I'm seeing someone else.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:02:10): What????

**musicalgenius** (2:02:25): I'm seeing someone else.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:02:50): But I thought you loved me.

**musicalgenius** (2:03:00): I thought I did, too…

**fiddlerlover222** (2:03:10): But….

Unbeknownst to Justin, Brian had come home early from work and was now reading over Justin's shoulder. Justin jumped nearly a foot when Brian reached over, pushed Justin's hands away, and started typing. Justin wasn't sure what to do. Did Brian understand what he had been attempting? Was he trying to help?

**musicalgenius** (2:03:40): I'm back with Justin.

Justin smiled. Brian was quick on the uptake.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:03:55): What??? Why?

**musicalgenius** (2:04:20): I guess I love him after all.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:05:40): But you said that he was a bad fuck, that he was boring! That you never loved him. That when you started dating, it was like taking a puppy home from the pound, that he was unconditionally devoted to you without your having to do anything. That you could kick him and he'd still follow you around, lick your hand, and beg for affection.

Justin paled. He felt sick. He'd known that his and Ethan's relationship was unhealthy from the beginning. By the second year, it was mostly about convenience and codependence, but how could Ethan be so callous and cruel? Justin had thought that, once upon a time, Ethan had truly loved him. Justin had loved Ethan, even if he had not been _in love_. He'd assumed that Ethan had felt the same way.

Rob's cruel assessment of Ethan and Justin's relationship, and of Justin, shocked Brian a little, though it shouldn't have. He knew firsthand how cruel people who were supposed to love you could be. Somehow, Brian had always believed others' 'rationale' for their mistreatment of him. He had believed that something intrinsic to his nature made him unlovable. But Justin…well, it was hard _not_ to love him. Brian had found himself falling for the boy right away. That first night, though he wouldn't have phrased it that way then. So Brian hesitated. Then he clenched his jaw and started to type once more.

**musicalgenius** (2:06:50): Why would I want to give that up?

**fiddlerlover222** (2:07:20): But, I mean, you said I was the best fuck you'd ever had, that I gave the best head!

Brian snorted, "Not fucking likely." That brought Justin back from the dark place Ethan's words (though coming from the new boyfriend's mouth) had taken him. He actually smiled and blushed a little (which, in turn, caused Brian to smile). Both their smiles turned into grins when Brian started typing again.

**musicalgenius** (2:07:50): He's learned a lot from that old guy.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:08:00): Old guy? You mean Brian?

**musicalgenius** (2:08:10): Yeah.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:08:25): Wait, you fucked him again??

**musicalgenius** (2:08:30): Yeah.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:08:55): Why would he ever go back to you?

The implication was not lost on Justin or Brian. Brian smirked, and Justin giggled. And when Brian traced Justin's earlobe slowly with his tongue and then started licking and sucking on his neck, right at the pulse point, Justin began to pant and, then, closed his eyes and whispered huskily, "Why indeed?" Unfortunately for Justin, right after that, Brian started typing again.

**musicalgenius** (2:09:20): What the fuck does that mean?

**fiddlerlover222** (2:09:40): Well, Brian's hot. Plus, he treats Justin well. I saw them together. They looked really happy.

**musicalgenius** (2:10:10): If you like him so much, you should date him.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:11:50): I'm not saying that…I just..I don't get why Justin would go back with you. You stole his savings. You taped him sucking you off and everything. Plus, I think he knows you were cheating on him with me.

**musicalgenius** (2:12:10): We've been together three years. He loves me.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:12:30): _I_ love you! And you said you loved me!

**musicalgenius** (2:12:45): I thought I did. I was wrong.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:13:20): Brian won't let you be with him.

Justin tensed up with anticipation, and Brian grinned. Here it was. The money shot. Justin was kind of relieved that Brian had come home early. He wasn't sure he would have had the stomach for all this.

**musicalgenius** (2:13:50): Pretty soon, Brian will be moot.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:14:10): What do you mean?

**musicalgenius** (2:15:23): The assault charge. He broke into my apartment and put me in the hospital. My lawyer says that he'll do time for sure. It might only be 30 days, but that's long enough to take him out of the equation. You know how Justin is. He's scared of his own shadow. How long can he stay away if he has no one?

**fiddlerlover222** (2:16:50): Wait…Justin hasn't even said he wants to be with you, has he? Did you even fuck him again? Or are you just hoping that you can get him back by getting Brian out of the picture? Is it like the glue on the Simpson's? Do you only want Justin back because someone else wants him? You thought little enough of him when you were living together…but now that a hot guy wants him, you want him, too? What the fuck does that make me? What _was_ I to you?

**musicalgenius** (2:17:10): Nothing. A fuck.

Unaccountably, both Brian and Justin shivered. Like someone had walked over their grave.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:17:30): A fuck? Then why did you say you loved me?

**musicalgenius** (2:18:50): Jesus! Get it through your head. You were good for a quick fuck or blowjob. Always available when I could sneak away. If I had loved you, I would have dumped Justin and asked you to move in. But I didn't. You were my side action. Nothing more.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:19:30): You fucking asshole! You _stupid_ fucking asshole! I'll fucking bury you!

**musicalgenius** (2:19:50): What the hell are you talking about?

**fiddlerlover222** (2:20:30): I know where the rest of the tapes are! And the assault charge would be dismissed if I retracted my statement. I'll say you pushed me to lie. They could charge you for that shit!

**musicalgenius** (2:20:50): Just try it! I'll say you're only retracting because we had a lover's quarrel.

**fiddlerlover222** (2:21:10): We'll see who they'll believe! We'll see.


	30. The High School Years Continue, Part 1

**Aidan and James—The High School Years Continue, Part 1**

Brian came around to the front of the couch and sat down. He smiled and asked playfully, "So what were you doing before you started implementing your brilliant, deliciously evil plan?"

Justin smiled brightly at the compliment, but then blushed a little and replied huskily (he was still turned on from the light petting), "I was trying to write the second part to _Aidan and James—The High School Years_, but something was missing."

Brian quirked an eyebrow. Then he drawled, "Something was missing? I wonder what it could have been…hmmm, well, maybe I can help."

Justin smiled shyly. "I'd like that very much."

Brian moved the computer to the coffee table and directed Justin to sit on the floor. Then he sat behind Justin and placed Justin's hands on the keyboard. Justin started typing.

"_Our date" had ended on my porch with me glowing (Aidan had driven me home after fucking me) and Aidan looking very uncomfortable as he kissed me goodnight (a quick peck on the lips). But then, he'd smiled softly and invited me to his next soccer game. The next week, I saw him a lot, in history class and gym, but he never made eye contact or spoke to me. I was beginning to think that Aidan had changed his mind about us, whatever that meant, but, on Friday, the day of the game, he said, "See you tonight" on his way past my desk and out of class. _

_The game had been a little boring for me (I had no interest in sports), but I couldn't help but stare at Aidan when he had control of the ball. At one point, he kicked the ball halfway across the field and into the goal (launching himself a few feet in the air, or so it seemed, in the process). Thankfully, I had brought my sketch pad. I'd spent the entire game sketching Aidan (when I wasn't gazing at him like a lovesick puppy). _

_After the game, he walked over to the bleachers, right to the section I was sitting in. I came down and approached him, but a little hesitantly. As far as I knew, he was still very much in the closet and dating the head cheerleader, Susie. _

Brian pushed Justin's hands away from the keyboard and started to type.

_Despite all this, Aidan walked right up to me, a big smile on his face. _

"_So what did you think?"_

_I smiled brightly and replied cheerfully, "It was great! You were great!"_

_I blushed a little. I couldn't help gushing, and it was embarrassing. _

_Aidan chuckled. "You were drawing most of the game."_

_I stammered and blushed a deeper crimson, "Well, yeah, but I was drawing you."_

_His eyes widened. "You were?"_

_I nodded. He took my sketchbook and flipped through it. Then in a voice tinged with wonder, he said, "Wow!" He shook his head and added, "Just wow!" Then he bumped my shoulder, smiled softly, and said, "Come on."_

_I swallowed hard and asked, "Where?"_

_He just grinned. "You'll see."_

Suddenly, Brian stopped typing. Justin looked back at him and asked, "So where are they going?"

Brian shrugged. "You're the writer." Justin laughed and picked up where Brian had left off.

_As we exited the field (walking in the opposite direction of the cheerleaders and other soccer players), I couldn't help but look back. Susie was staring after us, a frown on her face. _

_Aidan and I had only been walking for a few minutes when he stopped. We were in front of an isolated shed. I looked at him in confusion. Aidan grinned, opened the door, and said, "After you…" sweeping his arm out like a doorman as he did. I smiled and walked through the door. The shed was bigger inside than it looked from the outside. It was filled with metal cases containing various sports equipment. But in the corner, by a little window, there was a cot. A moment later, I was flat on my back (on the cot), and Aidan was on top of me. He slid his hands behind my neck and thrust his tongue into my mouth. He kissed me so deep and so hard that I was sure my lips would be bruised later. But I didn't care. I slid my hands up his back (underneath his shirt). His skin was still warm and damp from his earlier exertions. The feel of his skin, his musky scent, now more intense, and the taste of his lips were driving me crazy. I immediately started rutting against his strong lithe form. In between kisses (when we came up for air), Aidan murmured, "I missed you, this, so fucking much." _

_And: "It's been too long." _

_And finally: "Way too long."_

_Then I was in heaven. In a flash, Aidan had broken our kiss and pulled my pants and underwear down. He looked up at me uncertainly for a moment (I was flushed and panting, my eyelids drooping with desire), but then wolfed down my cock. I moaned, and loud. _

_I didn't even get my seven minutes (in heaven) before everything came to a screeching halt. That is, when the door swung open to reveal a horrified Susie and a couple of angry-looking soccer players._

_I heard Susie scream, "Perverts!" and felt rough hands grabbing me by the shoulders. Then the world went black. _


	31. The High School Years Continue, Part 2

Aidan and James--The High School Years Continue, Part 2

Brian huffed a laugh. "Sunshine, you have a twisted streak. Homophobic soccer players and a vindictive unwitting beard…so not hot."

Justin shrugged. "I'm realistic. Besides, stories need conflict."

Brian nodded slowly. "So now what? Do Aidan and James fight them off?"

Justin chuckled. "James isn't much of a fighter." Then he swallowed hard and said, "I suppose if I were being really realistic, Aidan would call James a faggot and beat the shit out of him."

Brian turned Justin's face toward him, guiding his chin with his index finger. He stated softly, "Aidan would never do that. Never."

Justin looked down and shook his head. "No, he wouldn't, would he? Fiction's always better than reality."

Brian pushed Justin down onto his back (on the floor) and straddled him. "Is that so? Are we a lesser version of Aidan and James?" Brian froze. His eyes lost focus for a moment. Then he stood up and turned around.

Justin didn't understand what was happening. He asked nervously, "Brian?"

Brian replied huskily, hesitantly, "Is that what this is?"

Justin was still confused. He wasn't sure when they'd lost their connection or why. What had he said wrong? "I…I don't understand."

"Is that why…why so much of this…our relationship…is infused with fiction…with stories? The role playing as Aidan and James, the acting out of scenes from _Innocence_, writing together…Is all that to improve upon reality? To improve upon us?"

Justin's eyes widened. He shook his head frantically. "What? Brian, no." Justin rose to his feet and approached Brian. But when he placed his hand on Brian's shoulder, Brian flinched away and took a couple of steps forward.

Brian shook his head and breathed, "Everything…from the very beginning…"

Justin's chest constricted.

Brian continued, "What part of me did you like? The part like Aidan?"

Brian wheeled around. "Do you even see me?"

Justin couldn't breathe. He barely managed to choke out, "Brian…"

Brian snapped, "What's real about us? Anything?"

Justin finally found his voice, though it was laced with panic. "Yes. Everything. Everything's real about us."

Brian said nothing. He just blinked. His eyes were cold. Empty.

Justin shivered. "I used to imagine Aidan. All the time when I was with Ethan." Justin's eyes fluttered closed and then open. His voice dropped to a whisper. "At night, when I was lying in bed, I would imagine Aidan next to me, his arms sliding around my waist, the warmth of his body against mine. It was as though I could feel that warmth surrounding me, comforting me, keeping me safe. And when Ethan and I had sex, the second and third years, it was always Aidan touching me, pushing himself inside me. I needed you, wanted you, even then, long before we met. And when I wrote about Aidan and James, I was writing about you, about us."

Brian growled, "I'm not him!" and dropped his head.

Justin stepped closer and grabbed Brian's face, lifting it, forcing Brian to look at him. He stated slowly, evenly, though his body trembled, "Yes, you are. I don't know how, but I know with greater certainty than I know my own name that you are him, or rather, he is you. _He's_ the shadow, not you. _He's_ the manifestation of my perceptions of you."

Brian sighed and shook his head. He whispered, "Justin, that makes no sense."

Justin continued, in a slow, even tone, though he still trembled, "I know, but that doesn't make it any less true."

Helplessly, Brian asked, "How? How is it possible?"

Justin shook his head. "I don't know. But if it weren't true, how could you act out one of my fantasies of Aidan?"

Brian's head snapped up, his eyes open wide. "What?"

Justin continued, his voice an urgent whisper now, "The night we first met, face to face, I said, 'Fuck you're beautiful," and you took my hand and placed it on your chest. Over your heart. Those two details were from my favorite fantasy. That's when I knew."

Brian just stared at Justin.

Justin released Brian and stepped back. He was suddenly animated, his voice filled with excitement. "Would you, Brian Kinney, self-proclaimed manslut, ever have done that with anyone else? Before you did it, would you have thought you'd ever do something like that with anyone at all?"

Brian replied huskily, "No." He let his head fall. He admitted helplessly, "I don't know what possessed me…"

Justin lifted Brian's head with his index finger and smiled brightly. "Neither of us can explain this connection, our connection, but neither of us can deny it, either. I believe that we knew each other before we met. And if you're honest with yourself, I think you'd have to admit that you believe it, too. When we role play, act out scenes from _Innocence_, and write together, we're not improving upon reality…we're not adding fantastic elements to our relationship. They were already there, from the very beginning. It's how and why we met. Just like in the story you told Gus. We were looking for each other; through my stories, I was reaching out to you. Through my stories, you found me."


	32. The High School Years Continue, Part 3

Brian shook his head. "This is all crazy."

"I like crazy."

Brian stared at Justin blankly for a moment. Then he breathed, "You would. Twisted little fucker."

Justin smiled. "So are we going to save Aidan and James or leave them to rot?"

Brian sighed. "Can't we just hit the rewind button?"

"Huh?"

"It's similar to the back button. You can find it on archaic technology, like tape decks and VCRs."

Justin shoved Brian gently and grinned. "I know what a rewind button is."

Brian moved to sit on the couch. He took Justin's hand, pulling him along. When they were comfortably ensconced, Brian explained, "Now that you have Aidan and James in the clutches of homophobic teens, Aidan and James have to escape…then, if one or both of them have been injured, which will undoubtedly be the case, there'll be a ton of drama. That'll be the case even if they aren't. I mean, the star soccer player was just caught by his teammates sucking dick. Aidan hasn't come out of the closet yet, so he's likely to be a little resentful of James, even though it's his own damn fault for choosing a shed near the field after "the big game." (Brian shot Justin an accusatory glance.) That translates into a looong time before more fucking. And that is simply unacceptable."

Justin smiled. "A story with only sex is porn, and I don't write porn. You know that. You not only know that. You _like_ that."

Brian rolled his eyes and drawled, "Maybe."

Justin resumed his position on the floor in front of the computer. A few seconds later, Brian joined him. He sat directly behind him and slid his arms around Justin's waist.

_Justin read the last couple of lines,__ "I heard Susie scream, 'Perverts!' and felt rough hands grabbing me by the shoulders. Then the world went black."_

Then he started typing.

_When I awoke, I was lying on the grass. I had no idea where Aidan was or where Susie and the other soccer players were. I sat up. My head ached. I reached up and touched my forehead. Blood. I frowned. When I tried to stand up, I fell back onto the ground with a grimace. My entire body ached. I lifted up my shirt. My sides were covered in black and blue marks. Bruises. _

Brian held Justin tighter. Justin, who had been tensing up with each word, relaxed slightly.

_I let my shirt fall and tried standing up again. This time more carefully. I felt a little dizzy and swayed a bit, but I managed to stay erect. Then I looked around, scanning the field for any hint of Aidan or anyone else. When I finally caught a glimpse of something (in the parking lot adjacent to the field), I took off running. The two angry soccer players were standing over a prone, bruised and bloody Aidan. They were tying ropes fastened to Aidan's arms to the back end of a truck. Susie was standing nearby; she had a creepy smile on her face._

Brian clenched his jaw. Justin paused his typing for a moment. His gimp hand suddenly ached. It usually only ached when he was drawing. This time, the ache was different. Like a sense memory. Brian knew something was off with Justin, but he couldn't put his finger on what. Without even thinking, he started rubbing Justin's right arm. He slowly made his way down to his wrist and then his hand, massaging it. When Brian realized what he was doing, he stopped and resumed holding Justin around the waist. Justin smiled softly, took a deep breath, and started typing once more.

_I cried out, "Oh God!" and ran faster. When I got to the truck, I tackled the soccer player nearest to me. We fell to the ground, him lying on his back and me straddling him, and I started punching him. Everywhere. His face, his chest, his abdomen. Everywhere._

Brian chuckled and exclaimed, "Go Ralphie!"

Justin just grinned.

_A half a minute later, I felt rough hands grabbing me, pulling me off of him. I wasn't conscious of much while I was hitting him, but I must have been screaming because Aidan, who'd been unconscious when I reached the truck, was now stirring, and, when the other soccer player pulled me off of the one I had been pummeling, I saw Susie looking over at me in shock. I kicked the soccer player holding me in the shin, hard. He let go and dropped to the ground, cursing and rubbing his ankle. I kneeled down beside Aidan and hurriedly attempted to unfasten his hands. I managed to free one, but then someone, Susie, kicked me, hard, in the ribs. I cried out in pain and toppled over. _

Brian muttered, "Bitch."

_Aidan grabbed her leg before she could kick me again. _

Brian nodded in approval.

_I sat up. Aidan was staring at Susie, a pained look in his eyes. She was glaring at him in disgust. She wrenched her leg free and kicked him in the face. He just lay there, letting her hurt him. _

Brian tensed up and swallowed hard.

_I shook my head in incredulity and jumped to my feet. I shoved her hard. She fell to the ground. Then I unfastened Aidan's other hand and dragged him to his feet. I cried, "Come on" and pulled him away from the parking lot. Aidan didn't resist; he was like a zombie. I just kept dragging him along. We ran through the field and into a nearby forest. We just kept running. Eventually we reached a stream and a small clearing. We stopped. I turned and leaned against Aidan. We were both panting. Aidan stood rigid for a few moments, but then, slowly, hesitantly, he lifted his arms up and placed them around me. I nestled more deeply into his embrace. We stood like that for a few minutes, neither of us saying a word. Aidan finally broke the silence. He whispered huskily, "I think I'm in love with you."_

_I whispered back, "Me, too."_

_Then he pushed me away roughly and punched the nearest tree. He hung his head low and pressed his forehead against the bark. He stated softly, "My life is over."_

Brian's eyes lost focus for a moment. Then he nuzzled Justin's neck. "Sounds about right."


	33. The Assault Hearing, Part 1

Two weeks had passed since Justin had had the ingenious idea to sign onto the IM as Ethan. After a couple of delays, no doubt engineered to give Ethan time to work on his suddenly untalkative ex-boyfriend, aka, the troll, the day of the hearing had come. Justin wanted desperately to accompany Brian to the proceedings. So motivated by this desire (as well as the desire to be 'normal' again), he had started listening to CDs containing cognitive behavioral therapy sessions for social anxiety disorder. Brian had been skeptical about their efficacy, but then, he would have been skeptical even if Justin had actually gone to a therapist. Brian had always believed that psychology was a pseudoscience, a crutch for the weak.

However, since meeting Justin, he'd somewhat revised his position. He by no means considered Justin weak; every day, he saw how hard Justin tried to rein in his anxiety and panic in all manner of social situations, from coming to meet Brian at the diner that first night and interacting with Brian's family and friends at their dinner party to simply speaking with a stranger on the phone. And Brian began to understand, in a way he never could have understood before, how debilitating fear and anxiety could be. He already knew, first hand, how paralyzing loved ones' disparaging words were. Fortunately, he had managed to build his ego on something no one could deny, not even those who abhorred him, that is, his looks, his sexual prowess, and his skill in advertising. Justin, on the other hand, had not based his self-esteem on something no one could undercut. So when everyone in Justin's life had betrayed and abandoned him, running as far and as fast as they could, he was left only with Ethan, who constantly criticized him, and his self-esteem had plunged and eventually vanished. He'd managed to build some back up through his success in writing, but he knew that most other writers would scoff at his work, his success, so that new self-esteem was minimal. As far as everything else, he'd come to the conclusion that he was completely unfit for normal relationships. He expected no one to give a shit about him and those who professed to, to betray and abandon him in the end.

That, of course, was before Justin had met Brian. Brian had given Justin hope, hope that maybe he wasn't destined to spend his life unloved and alone, hope that maybe he could overcome his social anxiety. He wasn't sure he could, but God Brian made him want to try…to try again…to try harder. He would give anything to be 'normal' for Brian, to be able to go out to dinner with him…to be able to go to the grocery store instead of asking Brian to go or having a store employee deliver the items he needed. He wanted to actually go inside the diner…visit Brian at work…accompany him to family dinners at Debbie's house…be a real boyfriend to Brian.

So Justin had spent hours combing the Internet until he'd found something that might work. He knew he could never go to weekly therapy sessions, particularly not group sessions. But he'd found a set of CDs that was supposed to be the next best thing. Every week he would listen to an hour-long "therapy session" in which one or more techniques was described. He would then need to spend the next week practicing these techniques. According to the ad, Justin could begin using these techniques immediately to reduce his anxiety in social situations, and, as time passed, he would find himself more and more capable of them. The first week's session had actually given him three techniques to work on: slow talking, telling his brain to stop when he started thinking negative thoughts, and distraction. Slow talking was supposed to calm him when he was forced to speak to people he did not know or in uncomfortable situations, as well as to give him time to think about what he was saying as he said it, thereby allowing him to present his thoughts in a more logical manner. Telling his brain to stop when engaged in self-disparaging negativity loops, on the other hand, was supposed to render these loops less automatic. Distraction was really part of telling his brain to stop. Once he recognized that he was engaged in a self-disparaging negativity loop, he was supposed to say stop and then do something pleasurable, something that would prevent him from having more negative thoughts. Brian had been very helpful on the distraction front. Justin was amazed at just how quickly Brian could get 'in the mood.' Brian could be deeply engrossed in work and, a few seconds later, after just one word from Justin, be hard and on top of Justin, ready to fuck the evening away. Oddly enough, singing was supposed to be the best distraction, since a different part of the brain was active when singing than when speaking or thinking. So this was the distraction Justin used when Brian wasn't at the loft with him or Brian was asleep.

It was 7am. Brian and Justin were supposed to be at court at 9am. Brian was still sleeping, but Justin was already dressed. He was singing along to Korn's remake of "Word Up" while making breakfast and reorganizing the cupboards. He'd been attempting to stave off negative thoughts since waking at 5am (chores were another distraction on the list in the workbook that had come with his CDs).

Snatches of Justin's singing started seeping into Brian's dream, eventually bringing him to wakefulness.

"Yo pretty ladies around the world…Tell your brother, your sister and your mamma too…You know just what to do. Wave your hands in the air like you don't care. Glide by the people as they start to look and stare. Do your dance, do your dance, do your dance quick mamma…"

Brian was walking into the kitchen as Justin reached this part: "Now all you sucker DJs who think you're fly. There's got to be a reason and we know the reason why. You try to put on those airs and act real cool. But you got to realize that you're acting like a fool."

Justin was singing and bobbing his head as he flipped eggs (in a suit). Brian's eyes widened. He had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing.

Then Linkin Park-Jay-Z's collaboration "99 Problems/One Step Closer" came on the radio. Justin continued to bob his head, but now he sang, "If you're having girl problems, I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one…"

Brian walked up behind Justin and kissed his neck (he had to do something…it was becoming almost impossible to stop himself from laughing, but he knew that would have a detrimental effect on Justin. Clearly Justin was working hard to distract himself from negative thoughts.)

Justin greeted him merrily, "Morning. I hope you're hungry."

Brian's eyes widened. Justin must be even more nervous about the hearing than Brian had anticipated. Justin was cooking eggs, home fries, bacon, and toast; had squeezed oranges for orange juice; and, judging by the smell emanating from the oven, was baking blueberry muffins. When Brian reached into the cupboard that used to hold the glasses, he found bowls. "Been doing some rearranging, Sunshine?"

Justin sang, "Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hat's real low…" and then replied cheerfully, "Much more convenient this way."

Then he was singing again: "I ain't stepping out of shit…all my papers legit…"


	34. The Assault Hearing, Part 2

Justin held Brian's hand so hard Brian felt like it was in a vise. Unexpectedly, Brian stopped walking and pushed Justin up against one of the courthouse's exterior walls, though he continued to hold Justin's hand. Justin looked at Brian with wide, startled eyes, his breath coming in rapid, shallow puffs. Brian leaned in, pressed his forehead against Justin's, and whispered, "I love you, Buttercup." Brian never tried to reassure Justin by diminishing his anxiety. Instinctively, he knew that that would only make Justin feel even more abnormal and make his anxiety seem even more insurmountable. All he could think to do was to remind Justin that he liked him, loved him, just the way he was, people problem or no. He also hoped that calling Justin Buttercup would remind him of their fortuitous encounter (in cyberspace) and Justin's bravery in coming to meet Brian (in the real world).

Justin flushed with pleasure and smiled shyly. "I love you, too, Enigma." He whispered that last word, as though it were a secret, one to which he alone were privy. And in a way, it was.

The moment Brian initiated had the intended effect. Justin smiled, but not a fake tight smile, and he held Brian's hand more loosely. Brian nudged Justin's nose and then brushed his lips against Justin's. Brian heard Justin's sharp intake of breath, the customary herald of Justin's ravenous kisses. Brian was almost embarrassed by how much he knew about Justin…all his reactions and idiosyncrasies. Almost. In the last month, Brian had been working hard to kill off his inner Mikey, and he was close to succeeding. Now his inner Mikey rarely said anything, and when he did, his voice was barely a whisper. Brian's thoughts were interrupted by the warmth of Justin's lips on his and Justin's tongue demanding entrance. Then Justin's free hand was sliding up the back of Brian's neck, sending shivers down Brian's spine and throughout his body. Justin fisted Brian's hair and pulled him closer, kissing Brian so passionately that Brian couldn't hold back a deep body moan. Brian pressed his body closer to Justin's, pushing Justin harder against the wall.

Unfortunately, Brian's lawyer took that moment to appear. She didn't even break stride. She just hit Brian in the ass with her briefcase and kept on walking. Brian sighed deeply, but followed her in, with Justin in tow.

Justin really wished he could sit with Brian (Brian had to sit at the defendant's table; Justin sat directly behind him in the gallery). He could feel himself tensing up the second Brian's hand left his.

This was the first time Justin had seen Ethan since learning of his treachery (cheating and taping them fucking). All the time he'd spent distracting himself with music must have had an effect on him (in more ways than one) because when he first glimpsed Ethan in the courtroom, snatches of Nine Inch Nails's "Sin" started playing in his head: "I gave you my Purity. My Purity you stole…Stale incense and old sweat and lies lies lies…I'm just an effigy to be disgraced. To be defaced."

The song was like a combination of the absolute best and the absolute worst. Ethan never gave him "the reason" or "the nerve"…and "his kiss" never "got under his skin." That was where Brian came in. But as far as Justin could tell, none of the things Brian gave him had a downside, whereas Ethan had been all downside, especially once Justin had learned the truth. Sudden fear gripped his heart. What if Brian, too, were deceiving him?

No. No. He couldn't think that. Yes, protecting himself better might prevent him from being hurt again, but Justin had never felt so close, so in synch with anyone else…or the incredible happiness being with Brian engendered. Justin wouldn't give up that connection, that bliss, and go back to feeling dead inside, not for the world. Justin felt sure he would never regret a single moment they'd shared, no matter what.

Justin used to find the sight of Ethan calming, well mostly (Ethan had sometimes caused him to feel greater anxiety), but now, nothing seemed familiar about him, and he felt far from safe. When Ethan looked at him, Justin shuddered. Surely, in spite of everything, some vestige of what they had had should remain, altered though it may be. But Justin could perceive nothing of the sort, nothing warm or kind. Justin could have understood if Ethan were angry, after all, he had left Ethan for Brian, but that kind of anger…jealousy should have something akin to like or love beneath it, however hidden it might be. But Justin quickly realized that it was all gone, everything. Three years shared reduced to nothing, not even hatred, but coldness and contempt. Had he made it all up in his head?

Justin was drawn out of his head by the judge. She was speaking. "This is an informal hearing to determine whether this case has merit. The lawyers can make objections, but I'll be asking all the questions. First, I'd like to speak with Rob Stowe."

The troll stood (he'd been sitting in the gallery) and approached the witness stand.

"In your original statement to the police, you said that Brian Kinney attacked Ethan Gold, causing injuries that led to his hospitalization?"

"Yes."

"But you have since recanted?"

"Yes."

"Then what actually happened?"

"Brian came to Ethan's apartment. Ethan attacked him, and he struck Ethan in self-defense. That had the unfortunate consequence of sending Ethan flying into furniture, which led to his hospitalization."

"If that's true, why didn't you say so from the start?"

"Ethan was hurt, at the time, I thought badly, and I was angry. So when Ethan asked me to lie, I agreed."

"And what changed your mind?"

"I didn't want commit perjury, not for a petty vendetta."

"Making a false statement to the police can carry serious consequences, too."

"I know, but…"

"But what?"

"I was willing to risk jail time for my lover when I thought he loved me. Now I know he doesn't. Now I'm no longer willing to risk jail time lying for him. I mean, the whole point of this is to get Justin away from Brian!"

"Justin?"

"Justin Taylor. Ethan and Justin were living together before Justin met Brian. But after that, it was game over." Bitterly, he continued, "Ethan seems to think that if he can get Brian out of the way, Justin will come back to him."

"Mr. Stowe, you may step down. Is Justin Taylor here?"

Justin froze. He'd just barely been holding it together, surrounded as he was by a crowd of strangers, as well as Ethan and the guy with whom he'd cheated on Justin, but in a matter of seconds, he was covered in a cold sweat.

Brian interjected, despite his lawyer's attempts to keep him quiet, "Why do you need to speak to him? He's not involved."

"According to Mr. Stowe, he is."

Justin's voice barely rose above a whisper. "It's okay, Brian." Then he stood. He held onto the wooden fence separating the gallery from the rest of the courtroom to steady himself. In a voice that trembled, he said, "I'm Justin Taylor." Brian slipped his hand on top of Justin's (it was still on the wooden separator) and massaged it lightly.

"Come on up to the witness stand."

Taking strength from Brian's touch, Justin walked around the defendant's table and to the witness stand, though he kept his eyes down. When he felt Ethan's eyes, everyone's eyes, on him, burning into him, he started singing the Cure's "Lovesong" under his breath (it was the last song he'd heard on the radio that morning), "Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again. Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again. Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am young again. Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am fun again. However far away, I will always love you. However long I stay, I will always love you. Whatever words I say, I will always love you. I will always love you."

Brian heard him as he passed and recognized the song. He couldn't help but smile. If nothing else, Justin was determined and brave.

When Justin got to the witness stand and sat down, his eyes immediately sought out Brian's. He held Brian's gaze the entire time he was up there (when his eyes were open). Over and over in his head, he repeated, "It's just me and Brian here. No one else."

The judge asked, "Is what Mr. Stowe said true? Were you living with Ethan Gold when you met Brian?"

Softly, slowly, Justin replied, "Yes." Deep breath. "We met online." Deep breath. "After meeting in person, I realized that I had feelings for Brian." Deep breath. "I knew I couldn't be Ethan's boyfriend anymore." Deep breath. "I told Ethan the next day."

"How did Mr. Gold react?"

Deep breath. "He was furious."

"How did Mr. Kinney and Mr. Gold meet?"

Deep breath. "Brian was with me when I was moving out."

"But the alleged assault didn't happen then?"

Deep breath. "No. Brian returned to the apartment…"

"Why?"

Justin bit his lip. Should he lie? He didn't want to get Brian in more trouble. Brian seemed to know what he was thinking. He nodded, urging Justin to speak, or so it seemed. Deep breath. "After I moved out, Ethan drained our mutual bank account. That was all the money I had. Brian offered to try to get it back."

Justin suddenly found it difficult to breathe. He was screwing everything up. He just knew it. He closed his eyes for a moment, but then opened them, trying to focus on Brian and regulate his breathing. He began, "But that's not…"

Justin paused. He was running all his words together, speaking too quickly. He took a deep breath and continued, more slowly, "Brian was able to get the money back without confronting Ethan. It was lying on the counter."

"Then why did they come to blows?"

The prosecutor interjected, "This is all hearsay!"

"Counselor, this isn't a trial. No one is under oath. I'm simply trying to determine whether this case has merit. I get to decide what information will help me to make that determination. Mr. Taylor, answer the question."

Deep breath. "I can't say for sure. I wasn't there. But Brian told me that the door was open, that he entered, and that he was able to recover the money without Ethan noticing. He would have left then, but…"

Justin's stomach was suddenly in knots. He hadn't meant to mention anything about the tapes.

"But…?"

Justin felt dizzy and faint. How could he answer? Then they'd all know…they'd all think he was some kind of pervert.

"Mr. Taylor?"

Justin closed his eyes and tried to breathe. It was so hard to take even one breath. Justin clutched the edge of the witness stand so hard that his knuckles turned white. He heard a loud roar, like the sound of the ocean during a storm, and then Chris's voice. "Fucking pervert!" Then the crack of the bat hitting his skull. Justin flinched. It took all of his willpower not to cry out.

"Mr. Taylor, are you ill?"

Justin opened his eyes. Brian was looking at him intently. Justin blinked a few times and swallowed hard. Then he shook his head. But he was still looking at Brian, repeating (in his head) the mantra that had gotten him this far, "It's just me and Brian here. No one else."

Finally he was able to breathe again. To speak again. "Brian saw that Ethan was watching a video he had made of us, of Ethan and me, without my knowledge or consent."

"A sex tape?"

Justin nodded. Deep breath. "Yes. Brian said something to Ethan about it. That's when it came to blows."

The judge shook her head. "I think I've heard enough. Counselor, given potential bias, even with the witness, you barely had a case. Without your witness, you have none, unless you have more proof to enter into evidence."

"No, your Honor."

"I thought not. Based on what Mr. Stowe and Mr. Taylor have said, it seems clear that this assault charge is just another attempt by Mr. Gold to seek vengeance for purported personal wrongs. These have no place in a criminal court. The assault charge is hereby dismissed."

The judge banged her gavel, and then everyone started talking at once. Justin was still clutching the edge of the witness stand. He started to stand, but he was still shaken up. He wobbled and nearly fell but then a strong hand, Brian's hand, was on his arm, supporting him. Justin smiled weakly and stepped into his arms. They remained there like that, holding each other, until everyone else left.


	35. Daphne

Brian walked into the loft, smiling. And it wasn't a smirk. He was just happy. The assault charge had been dismissed, Brian had knocked another presentation out of the park, and…and he was coming home to Justin. Brian fucking loved coming home to Justin. He wasn't even ashamed of loving it, not anymore. He was actually starting to believe that he was getting his "happy ending." He was pretty sure he didn't deserve it, but he'd take it just the same.

Brian smiled more brightly, his eyes shining, when he caught sight of Justin. He was sitting at Brian's desk, staring at his laptop. He was wearing a pair of tight shorts and nothing else. Brian let his eyes travel slowly up Justin's body. Justin's nipples were hard. Brian decided that that's where he'd start. He set his briefcase on the floor and pulled the knot of his tie loose as he slowly approached Justin. Once he was behind Justin, he slid the tie off his neck fast, making a soft zipping sound. But Justin didn't move or make a sound. Brian frowned and peered over Justin's shoulder. Justin was staring at an open email.

_Justin,_

_How've you been? I'm back in the States. We should get together. Catch up._

_Daphne_

The email didn't seem that interesting, certainly less interesting than a stripping Brian. Brian shrugged off his jacket and started unbuttoning his shirt. When he reached the third button, he leaned in and placed an open-mouthed kiss on Justin's neck, while also tracing Justin's left nipple lightly with a finger. Justin jumped (bumping Brian's nose with his shoulder) and turned.

Brian leaned back up and stared at Justin, a half-smile, half-frown now gracing his lips.

Justin colored. "Oh Brian…I'm sorry. I didn't see you come in…"

Brian's half-smile became a full smile then. He'd never get enough of Justin's blushing. But his smile faded again when he saw Justin's face. His eyes were empty. Brian furrowed his brow and ran his fingers lightly through Justin's hair. "What's wrong?"

Justin shook his head and turned back to the computer. "I'm just tired."

Brian clenched his jaw. He looked down at himself and sighed. His chest was bare, his belt unbuckled, and his pants button undone. No way was Justin too tired to notice a half-naked horny Brian. He was never too tired for that. Brian walked around to the front of the desk and stared at Justin, partly hoping Justin would notice his state of undress. But mostly he did so in the hopes of getting a clue as to what was going on with Justin from a closer examination of his expression. The email had seemed harmless to Brian, but Justin was looking at it like it contained the most offensive slur. When Justin finally noticed Brian standing in front of him, he stood, dodged Brian (who'd tried to slide his arms around Justin's waist), and headed quickly toward the bedroom.

"Sunshine, whatcha doing?

"I think I'll go to bed."

"…it's 5 o'clock…"

Justin wheeled around. "So fucking what? If I want to go to bed at 5, what's it to you?"

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and regarded Justin coolly. Then he grinned. "I get it. You're a bad ass. Now tell me what's wrong."

Justin's fierce expression softened, but that didn't make Brian any happier. Justin no longer looked pissed, but now he looked nauseous. And he'd dropped his head. Brian was starting to get frustrated. He couldn't figure out what had Justin all in a tizzy if he couldn't see his eyes. Justin's eyes were truly mirrors. Every feeling he had was expressed in them, always. If only for a moment. Brian was a little annoyed that he'd need to use such a coarse instrument (questions or, more specifically, words), but he wasn't going to get into Justin's ass until whatever this was blew over…so...

"Who's Daphne?"

Justin's head still down, he muttered softly, "No one."

"She can't be no one. She emailed you."

Justin looked up then, his eyes glinting steel. "Seriously, she's nothing to me."

"That is something else altogether."

"Huh?"

"Her being no one and nothing are very different."

Justin just stared.

"Her being no one suggests that she never mattered to you. Her being nothing suggests that she used to matter to you. A great deal."

Justin hung his head once more and sighed. Then he walked over to the couch and threw himself back on it. "She was my girlfriend in high school. We were going to get married."

Brian quirked an eyebrow and walked over to the coffee table. He considered sitting next to Justin (he suddenly had a lesbianic urge to put his arms around Justin), but he decided being able to see Justin's face would be more helpful. So he sat in the chair across from the couch. It seemed stupid to ask, but Brian had to keep Justin talking…

"What happened?"

Justin laughed. "Uh…I realized I was gay."

"Ah." Now they were getting somewhere. "So…"

Justin crossed his arms. In a monotone, he replied, "So…she left for Europe shortly after I told her."

"I gather she didn't take it too well."

Justin shrugged. "Actually…she did. I mean, she cried, but she wasn't angry." He swallowed hard and looked down. More softly, he continued, "She said we'd always be friends. That she'd always be there for me."

"And then…"

Justin shook his head. He was still looking at the floor. "Then she went to Europe, and I…"

"And you…"

"I…nothing."

"There's that word again."

Justin took a shuddery breath. "And I…I was bashed. At my prom. I was in a coma for a week."

TBC (in a few hours…sorry I'm writing slow, but I want to post something before midnight)


	36. A Less Crappy Life

Brian choked out, "What?"

Justin was still avoiding Brian's gaze, looking down at his hands now. "I took a bat to the head."

Brian rasped, "Who? Why?"

Justin shook his head. "A friend. I'd come out. Right before prom. He hit me twice and left me for dead. In the weeks that followed, sometimes, sometimes, I wished he'd finished the job."

Brian's entire body suddenly burned, and he felt like he was going to puke. "The cop. At the station." At the time, he'd heard "fag" and little else. With the tapes and the assault charge, he'd had a lot on his mind. Well…and fucking…Justin had just purchased their new bed. But now…what the cop had said, Justin's social anxiety…it all made sense. And he felt like the worst kind of asshole.

Justin nodded. "That cop 'lost' evidence, which led to a mistrial. The guy who bashed me…he walked." Justin still wouldn't meet Brian's eyes. He was focusing at a point on the floor a little to the right of Brian, but back by the windows. He'd made air quotes on lost.

Brian swallowed hard and moved to stand. But Justin beat him to it, standing and walking over to the windows. Brian followed. Brian saw the tears in Justin's reflection. So he buried his face in Justin's neck and slid his arms around Justin's waist. Clearly Justin didn't want him to see.

"I can't draw like I used to. That's why I write."

Brian's entire body clenched, and he held Justin tighter.

They stood there like that, in silence, for a few minutes. Brian was desperate to know what Justin was thinking, remembering, but he couldn't think of what to say. How to ask.

Just when Brian was about to blurt out the only thing that had come to mind, the lamest thing ever ("What's going on in there?"), Justin's chest heaved, and he bowed his head. The crying was still inaudible, but Brian could feel the tears shuddering through him. Justin took a deep breath and whispered, "I don't want her to see…"

"See what?"

"What I've become."

Brian stiffened.

Justin shook his head and wiped away his tears. "The last time we spoke, I was whole. All potential. And now…"

Brian spun Justin around in his arms. Justin looked up in surprise. More sharply than he intended, Brian asked, "And now what?"

"Now I'm nothing."

"Bullshit."

"What?"

"You're not nothing. You are.." Brian clenched and unclenched his hands, but then slid them more tightly around Justin's waist. "You are someone very special to me. And to your readers. Thousands of people depend on you to make their crappy lives better. You made my crappy life better for almost a year before we met. What did that tree-hugger say… 'The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.'"

Justin giggled. "Tree-hugger? You mean Henry David Thoreau?"

"Yeah…he hung in the woods, didn't he?"

"Well, yeah."

"There you go."

"And now…you make my life…"

Justin supplied, "Even less crappy?"

Justin was smiling. Not a full-on Sunshine smile, but he was smiling. And Brian wanted to keep that going, so he admitted softly, "Perfect. You make my life perfect."

Ironically, this did not preserve Justin's smile at all, much to Brian's consternation. Instead, he gaped at Brian, his eyes wide. Solemnly, Justin asked, his voice almost a whisper, "Do you mean that?"

"Yes."

"Oh God, Brian." Then Justin was in his arms. And crying again. Fucking Christ.

"I'm such an asshole. I didn't mean to imply that you don't do the same for me. But not even you can make my hand the way it used to be or make me normal again. God, I want to be normal for you."

Brian pushed Justin back so that he could look at him. Brian just stared at Justin for a moment. Then he said, "I don't want you to be normal. Normal's boring."

"I just mean…" Justin sighed and moved out of Brian's arms. He turned around. "I just want to be able to do normal things. Like leave the loft alone."

"You did. You came to get me from Ian's."

Justin laughed. Ian. Then he turned back around. "That was _once_."

"And you came to the diner to meet me."

"Okay, twice."

"And how many times had you left the apartment alone before?"

Justin sighed. "Never. Not once in three years."

Brian nodded and smiled. "Well, there you go…a 200% increase. And it's even more meaningful if you factor in the time frame. A 200% increase in the space of a month after a three-year lull."

Justin shrugged and wrinkled his nose (fucking adorably, Brian thought).

"You're making progress, and all on your own."

"No. No, no, no. You were my inspiration to go out by myself. Both times. And if you hadn't assaulted Ethan…"

Brian grinned. "According to the state of Pennsylvania, I didn't."

"I wouldn't have gotten the CBT CDs so I could go to the hearing."

"You don't need to tell me how fucking awesome I am. Trust me, I know."

Justin's expression was suddenly serious. "I'm not sure you do." He moved closer. Brian immediately pulled him into his arms. Justin wasn't sure how to put what he saw in Brian's eyes into words. Something tentative, hesitant, even vulnerable. "I love you, Brian. So much."

Brian could no longer stand the weight of Justin's eyes on him. He pulled Justin into his arms and whispered in his ear, "And I love you, Justin. Fuck, I love you."

Justin, who'd been nuzzling Brian's neck, now drew his tongue along Brian's shoulder and up the curve of his neck before sucking on it, at the pulse point. Six seconds later, the rest of Brian's clothes were on the floor, next to Justin's tight little shorts. And six seconds after that, Justin was on Brian's lap (on the couch), beginning to push Brian's cock inside him. Brian had (of course) his fingers threaded through Justin's hair and his tongue deep in Justin's mouth.

Just then, they heard knocking. Justin and Brian froze, breaking apart, and looking at each other. Brian shook his head. He yelled, "Go the fuck away!" and slid his hands to Justin's waist, pulling him down further on his cock. Justin moaned softly.

"Umm…Does Justin Taylor live here?"

Justin muttered, "Fuck. How did she even find me?" Then he buried his face in his hands.

"Daphne?"

Justin nodded, but didn't remove his face from his hands. Brian sighed. Apparently, the universe was conspiring to deprive him of sex. He lifted Justin off of him and into a standing position. Justin turned and walked toward the bedroom, Brian assumed to grab clothes, but when Justin didn't re-emerge, Brian followed him. He was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Justin?"

"I don't want to see her."

"If this is about your hand…"

"It's not just that. I didn't realize until I heard her voice…I think I hate her."

Brian sat down next to Justin. But he didn't say a word. He just waited. He didn't have to wait long.

"I was in a coma for a week. I almost died. I had to have brain surgery, and I'll never be 100%. Do you think she visited or called?"

"I'm guessing not."

"Nope. She didn't even email me to ask if I was okay. I could understand my dad not visiting. Hell, my mom only came once, and she didn't even bring my sister. I could understand my so-called friends not visiting. To them I was nothing but a faggot who got what he deserved."

Brian swallowed hard. Again, he was at a loss. Brian was starting to understand why Justin had said what he had about betrayal. Why in so many of his stories his protagonists had been abandoned by family and friends or never had any to begin with. So he did the only thing he could think to do. He slid his hand over Justin's and threaded their fingers together.

"But Daphne…she was…we were going to spend our lives together. I mean, I know I screwed that up…"

"How? You didn't choose to be gay."

Justin sighed. "I know…but I disappointed everyone. Her, my parents, her parents…everyone. Even still, she should have come. Or at least called. She said she'd be there for me. But she wasn't there when I needed her the most. When I needed someone, anyone, to care what happened to me (Justin's voice broke on "anyone"). And three years later, she emails…comes knocking at the door…Fuck her. Fuck her. This is way too little, way, way too late."

"Alright then." Brian stood. He wasn't going to try to convince Justin to talk to her. It wasn't his place. Besides, Brian's chest ached at the thought of a 17-year-old Justin alone in the hospital. He'd come out only to be bashed and abandoned, apparently, by everyone who ever mattered to him, left with social anxiety, posttraumatic stress, and brain damage. But it made Brian's heart swell with pride, too (though he wouldn't have phrased it that way). Justin had survived. He'd shacked up with a loser, but he'd made his way in the world all the same. Becoming a writer. Making a good living doing something he enjoyed. And he still drew.

"Where are you going?"

"To tell her to go the fuck away." After a pause, Brian asked, "That's what you want, right?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely certain."

TBC…


	37. Enter Kayla

Brian pulled the loft door open, the words "get lost" on the tip of his tongue, but found himself incapable of speech at the sight before him. Justin's ex-girlfriend was a beautiful light-skinned black woman with crazy curls (though twirled into a bun) and an engaging smile. But she wasn't what shocked him into silence. It was the little girl standing behind her. She had crazy curls, too, but they were shorter, bouncier, and loose. She was holding onto her mother's dress. A little black dress reminiscent of Holly Golightly's. Daphne was even wearing a strand of pearls. The little girl was similarly attired, wearing a red satin dress with a poofy skirt. If nothing else, Justin's ex-girlfriend had taste, or so Brian thought. The little girl was holding onto her mother's dress and peeking up at Brian (from behind her mother's leg). Peeking up at him with crystal blue eyes. After an uncomfortably long pause, Brian recalled himself. He smiled his deal closing smile (he would have used his pick up smile, but he didn't want to overwhelm the girl) and drawled, "You must be Daphne. I'm Brian, Justin's boyfriend."

It might have been Brian's imagination, but he thought he saw Daphne flinch a little at the word boyfriend. If she had, she recovered quickly, replying warmly (with a smile to match), "Nice to meet you, Brian."

Brian turned his deal closing smile on the little girl then and extended his hand. "I'm Brian."

The little girl giggled (as expected) and slid her little hand into his. Then she half-spoke, half-whispered, "I'm Kayla." Brian shook her hand firmly (eliciting another giggle) and said, "Nice to meet you, Kayla."

Then he straightened up and flourished. "Come in. Have a seat. I'll get Justin."

Brian walked to the bedroom and up the stairs, but then stopped. He had no idea what to tell Justin. He didn't want to push Justin into anything, but … those eyes. How could he not recognize them? They'd entranced him that first night in Ian's car, even in the dim light of the street lamps. Justin might not be able to forgive Daphne, might not want to speak to her (and he had every right to feel that way), but... Brian ran his fingers through his hair and looked back toward the living room. Daphne was holding Kayla on her lap, bouncing her up and down. Kayla was smiling brightly, her blue eyes twinkling. Brian shook his head. Just like Sunshine. He sighed and let his hand fall. Then he slid the door to the bedroom open, walked in, and closed it again.

At first, Brian didn't say anything. He just started grabbing clothes from the wardrobe. Then he sat next to Justin on the bed (Justin was still lying there, under the duvet). "Sunshine."

Justin poked his head out from under the duvet. "She gone?"

Brian frowned. "No."

Justin's face was all alarm. "What?"

"You need to get dressed."

Justin shook his head. "No. Brian, I told you …"

Brian sighed. "I know. But she has someone with her that you need to meet."

Justin was genuinely puzzled now. "Who?"

Brian asked softly, "Did you and Daphne ever … ?" He didn't finish. But he didn't have to. The knowing look sufficed.

Justin blushed a bright red. "Uh … well … "

Brian couldn't help but smile at that. He had no clue how it was that Justin could still be embarrassed by sex talk, but he could, and Brian thought it was fucking adorable.

Brian prodded, his voice filled with amusement, his eyes dancing, "Well … "

Justin ran his right hand over his eyes and then through his hair. Finally, after a heavy sigh, he replied, "Just once. We'd agreed to wait until after we were married, but just before prom, she said she thought waiting was dumb. After all, we'd been dating for years, and we were pre-engaged. When the 'big night' arrived, I was a wreck. At first I thought it was just performance anxiety. But then, when she started touching me … (dropping his voice to a whisper) jerking me off … suddenly Chris popped into my head."

Brian stiffened slightly. "Chris?" Justin hadn't told him the name of his attacker, but somehow Brian just knew …

Justin swallowed hard. "The friend (he made air quotes) who bashed me … "

Brian slid his hand over Justin's and threaded their fingers together.

"I thought about Chris the whole time. I barely even looked at Daphne. The next day, I came out to her."

Brian squeezed Justin's hand and said, in a husky whisper, "You need to get dressed."

"You still haven't told me who's with her, and why were you asking me about …" Justin's eyes widened. "Oh God. I got her pregnant?"

TBC…


	38. Justin and Daphne, Part 1

As Justin dressed, he muttered to himself, "This can't be true. It can't."

"That's the beauty of parenthood. It doesn't require special skills, just dumb luck."

Justin laughed. "That makes me feel better. Not. If I was nervous about seeing Daphne before, I'm a million times more nervous now."

"You're great with Gus … "

"Maybe. But I'm not his dad. I don't want to be a disappointment to my child. What am I gonna tell him or her?"

"Her."

Justin froze for a second. "Her."

Brian nodded. "Kayla."

A little blankly, Justin whispered, "Pretty name." Then he swallowed hard and shook his head. "What am I going to tell her about myself? That I'm brain damaged and one step away from writing gay porn?"

Brian raised an eyebrow. "One step?"

Justin blushed. "I mean one step up from pure porn."

Brian pulled Justin into his arms. "You're a writer. And an artist."

Justin harrumphed. "I used to be an artist … "

Brian's voice dropped to a whisper. "And the kindest person I know. She's going to adore you. So put your pants on. Let's go."

"You go. I'll be out in a second."

Brian slid his hands along Justin's cheeks, kissed Justin gently on the lips, and said, "Okay." Justin didn't watch him go. He was trying to think of a song to sing. Unfortunately, all lyrics escaped him in that moment (he barely remembered his own name). He was too … everything. Too angry … too hurt … too terrified.

When he eventually emerged from the bedroom (pants on), despite the heads up Brian had given him, he jumped a little, froze, and then went cold. That was actually a reaction to a combination of stimuli. His eyes had started low … on the floor. And had moved up until they'd lighted on Kayla (standing on the floor in between the couch and the coffee table. She turned to look when she heard the bedroom door slide open and then closed). She was beautiful. And even ten feet away, he noticed her eyes. Then his gaze moved upward, up to Daphne, who was sitting on the couch, her arm outstretched protectively, her hand resting lightly on Kayla's waist.

In a whisper, Justin said, "Hey …"

Daphne's eyes widened, and she whispered back, "Hey."

They just stared at one another, neither saying anything.

Brian broke the silence with an uncharacteristically bright voice (one Justin had never heard, not even when Brian was with Gus). "Hey Kayla. Do you like ice cream?"

Kayla turned (actually jumped and turned) and started clapping her hands. But despite Daphne's protective hold on Kayla, she barely noticed. She was still staring at Justin. To her, Brian said, "There's a frozen yoghurt place a few blocks from here. Why don't I take her?"

"Ummm … yeah … sure."

Brian swung Kayla up into his arms and left. Justin was only dimly aware that they'd gone (when he heard the loft door close).

Since first laying eyes on Daphne, he'd noticed a few things, not only her formal wear (he decided she must be on her way to a cocktail party) but also the vague unhappiness underlying her smile (which he doubted few, if anyone, would have noticed … he could always tell when she was unhappy and trying to hide it) and … the two rings on her left hand (a ginormous diamond and a gold wedding band), which, Justin imagined, so focused on Kayla, Brian had failed to note (that or he found them irrelevant).

"You got married?"

Daphne nodded and stood. But she held her ground.

Justin cleared his throat. His voice still sounded hoarse. "When?"

Daphne looked down. "About … about a month after we broke up."

Justin gaped. Then he huffed a laugh and looked down, simultaneously shaking his head. "Wow."

Daphne didn't say anything in response.

A few moments later, Justin added, "I guess that explains why you never visited or called."

"Justin … I …"

Justin's head snapped up. He hissed, "You what?"

"I …" Daphne sighed. "It sounds weak, but I'm sorry."

Justin looked down and repeated softly, "Sorry." He clenched a fist and looked back up. "You said we'd still be friends. That you'd always be there for me."

"When I said that, I meant it … but it was just too hard."

"Too hard? I nearly died. I was in a coma for weeks. I had brain surgery."

"I had … other things on my mind."

Justin scoffed, "You had other things on your mind? Like what? Finding a more socially acceptable father for your gay ex-fiancé's baby?"

"You have no right. _You_ were the one who left _me_."

"Left you?"

"You said you loved me. You promised that we'd have a life together."

"I _did_ love you. What could I do? I didn't choose to be gay, Daphne. But you made a choice. You chose to pretend I didn't exist."

TBC…sorry to end this part abruptly…I'm out of time (have to work)


	39. Justin and Daphne, Part 2

"I had to make a life for myself. I missed you, and when I heard about the attack, I wanted to call, but …"

"But what?"

"Ken wasn't comfortable with that."

"Ken?"

"My husband. We were dating then …"

"He told you not to call?"

"He said that we could never work if you were still in my life. By then, I'd missed a period, and it's always been like clockwork. I knew I was pregnant. What could I do?"

"I don't know. Tell me?"

Daphne sighed. "Maybe I should have …"

"Maybe?"

"But that's not what I did. And we need to deal with what's right in front of us."

"Ok. Fine. Let's do that. Does your husband …"

"Ken."

Justin sighed. "Does _Ken_ know he's not Kayla's father?"

"He knows."

"He does?"

"Yes."

"How did he find out?"

Daphne shrugged. "His father was always suspicious about the timing of the wedding. He finally browbeat Ken into running a DNA test. I didn't know about it until after."

"And what? He doesn't want to raise her anymore?"

Daphne lifted her chin and replied stiffly, "No, actually. Just the opposite. He wants to adopt her."

"Wait … after three years of silence, you came here to tell me I had a daughter but only to turn around and ask me to give her up?"

Daphne didn't reply.

Justin threw his hands up in exasperation. "Wow. Just wow."

"Do you really want to be a father? You have a hot boyfriend and a loft … You're only 20."

"What, just because I'm gay, I can't want a family?"

"Are you ready for one? How long have you and Brian been together? And does he want a family? He has a child, but he doesn't live with him …"

Justin froze. "Wait, how do you know about Gus?"

"The same way I knew about Brian and your living here. When Ken found out about you, he hired a private investigator."

"Oh God, Daph."

Daphne smiled a little. Softly, she said, "You haven't called me that in a long time."

"Daph_ne_, how could you? (Daphne flinched at the extra syllable). That's such an invasion of privacy."

"If I hadn't, I would never have found you. You're kind of off the grid."

Justin harrumphed, "Off the grid? More like abandoned by everyone who ever said they loved me."

"In either case … I had to find you. Ken can't adopt Kayla without your consent."

"Do you really think I'm gonna give it?"

"I know you don't make much money, and I know you've been having some problems with an ex-boyfriend. Ethan Gold."

Justin paled and took a step back.

"Sign the form, and all your problems will go away."

"What?"

"Ken and his family are rich. They can root out all the buyers of the sex tapes your ex-boyfriend is selling, pay them handsomely to lose them, and give you a nice nest egg on top of that."

Justin turned bright red. "Wait, what?"

Daphne's eyes widened. "You didn't know?"

"Ummm … no. I mean, I knew Ethan had secretly taped me and us, but I didn't know he'd sold the tapes. That the public had access to them." Justin suddenly felt sick. "You didn't see …" He took two more steps backward.

"No, no. Just the PI."

Justin swallowed hard and shook his head. "Brian tried to get them back, but then with the assault hearing …"

"If it makes you feel any better, Brian did manage to find one of the buyers himself. Paid him a king's ransom to get the tapes he had."

Justin's voice rose to that of a near panic. "How many buyers are there?"

"Ten others, I think. According to the PI, most of the buyers own hardcore porn sites. You need a membership to gain access, and you'd need dumb luck or a serious porn habit to find them."

Justin swallowed hard, ran his fingers through his hair, and looked down. "And if I don't?"

"If you don't what?"

"If I don't sign the papers, what then?"

"Oh." Daphne sighed. "Just sign them, okay? You and Brian can get a surrogate or something and have children of your own later if you want."

Justin slammed his fist against the nearest pillar, still not looking up. Through gritted teeth, he hissed, "If. I. Don't. Sign. What. Then?"

Daphne sighed again, this time more heavily and looked down. In a whisper, she said, "Then we buy the tapes and use them to prove you're unfit."

Justin's head popped back up. He was gaping. "Seriously? You'd do that to me?"

Daphne looked up at Justin helplessly. "Justin, it's not my choice."

"What do you mean?"

"When Ken found out, he gave me an ultimatum: him and our family or you."

"What?"

"He wants you to have no claim to Kayla. He wanted to blackmail you into it. I had to talk him into going another way. You know, giving something you want …"

"Oh my fucking God. You're trying to buy a child. You know that, right?"

In a monotone, she replied, "That's not the way I see it."

"There _is_ no other way to see it."

"Justin, if you sign the papers, everyone is happy. You'd no longer have anything to fear from your ex … and you could finally afford to go to college … buy a house … a car …whatever you want."

"And if I don't … you bash me in court?"

"Ken will. And he'll do whatever it takes to get what he wants."

"Like?"

"He'll use the tapes, your medical records …"

"My medical records?"

"You have brain damage from the attack …"

"Oh my God. Who _are_ you? Not the Daphne I used to love, that's for fucking sure."

Softly, Daphne said, "We all do what we have to do to get by."

"What the hell does that mean?"

Daphne laughed. "When did you start swearing so much?"

"Daphne!"

Daphne rubbed her forehead with her right hand and then slid it down her cheek. "I married Ken because he could take care of me and the baby. Because my parents didn't want me to be an unwed mother. They said they couldn't take more shame. They said if I didn't marry him, they wouldn't help us. That I'd be on my own. That still stands if he divorces me. And I'd get nothing from him. I signed a prenup."

"He's threatened to divorce you over this?"

"Yes."

"All because he doesn't want to share custody?"

Again in a monotone, Daphne replied, "Ken doesn't share anything."

"Jesus, Daphne. You're putting me in a seriously fucked up situation."

"_I_ am? You were the one who left _me _and Kayla."

"I didn't even know you were pregnant. If you'd told me …"

Daphne scoffed, "What? You would have supported us? You can barely support yourself."

"So we would both have had to work, and we wouldn't have lived in the Ritz …"

Daphne blinked a couple of times. In a near whisper, she asked, "You would have stayed with me, with us?"

"Yeah. I mean, not stayed with you stayed with you. That wouldn't have been fair to either of us. But we could have lived together. Raised the baby together. And you would have been free to find someone who doesn't treat you like property."

Daphne shook her head. "Ken's nice to me."

"When he gets what he wants. That's not love, Daph. I should know. And I don't want any child of mine raised in a loveless home. Whatever the consequences, I'm going to keep my parental rights and sue for at least shared custody."

"Justin, you can't even leave the loft."

Justin's breathing suddenly started to grow shallow. "That's not true. I …"

"The PI's seen you leave like twice in the last few months. You clearly have social anxiety disorder or PTSD, maybe both"

Justin shook his head and took yet another step back. He backed into a pillar. Hard. "I-I'm getting better."

"You have brain damage. You're gay. You have circulating sex tapes."

Justin's chest hurt so badly then. Like someone had hit him in the solar plexus. He could barely breathe. He clutched his stomach. "Those were made with … without my consent."

"Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter how hard you're working to overcome whatever problems you have from the attack … doesn't matter that the brain damage isn't your fault … that you're privacy was violated with the tapes. All that matters is how that would affect Kayla. You don't have a house … you're not married."

Justin broke into a cold sweat. He leaned over, placing his hands on his knees. "That's not possible for me …"

"Doesn't matter. Your partner has only been your partner for a few months, and he's been arrested for assault."

"The charges were dis-miss..." The room was suddenly spinning. Justin dropped his head and closed his eyes, trying to even out his breathing, tried to push back the nausea. Even with his eyes closed, there were flashes of light at the edge of his vision.

"Justin? Are you okay?" Daphne sounded like she was at the end of a tunnel.

The nausea and the dizziness were suddenly overwhelming. Justin felt a hand on his shoulder. He recoiled. "Oh God. Stop. Make it stop." He tried to move away. To retreat to the bedroom. He didn't make it one step.

"Justin?" That wasn't Daphne's voice. "What did you do to him?"

"Nothing, I swear …"

Brian just barely managed to catch Justin before he hit the floor. But Justin didn't feel Brian's arms around him.

TBC…


	40. Nothing and Everything

Ethan slides his hands along Justin's bare shoulders, up his neck, and then into his hair, fisting it. The moment he slips his fingers into Justin's hair, he tilts Justin's head and thrusts his tongue into Justin's mouth.

"You're my baby." Words whispered against lips. Parted slightly.

Another kiss.

"My baby." Another murmur.

Ethan's fucking Justin from behind in their bed. In black and white. Justin watches himself fist the comforter and bury his face in a pillow. He can actually feel the scratchy fabric grazing his skin, the looseness of the comforter, whose stuffing has been partially pulled out through a hole in the corner. Him and not him.

Daphne slips her hand around Justin's dick and squeezes. Hard. Chris's face swims into view. A few droplets of water roll down Chris's chest. Justin's dick explodes, and the bat makes contact with his skull. Justin screams in ecstasy and agony.

Cum. Blood.

"My baby."

"I love you." Daphne.

"I love you." Ethan.

"You're beautiful…" Brian.

Brian.

Brian.

"I'm so in love with you that it actually hurts…"

Fuck.

"Fuck me harder." Brian.

Oh God.

Hurts.

Justin shoots up. Into Brian.

Kayla's crying. Daphne's holding her, rubbing her back, and murmuring into her ear, all the while watching Brian and Justin. Nervously.

A hurried husky whisper: "Do you want me to tell her to leave?"

A brush of lips against Justin's ear.

Justin flushes. He's not sure why. Whispers, too. "No. Yes." He shakes his head. "I … I don't know. I don't know." He looks up at Daphne and Kayla tentatively. Then he stands a little unsteadily and approaches them.

Kayla looks over at him, big blue eyes glittering. She stops crying. Maybe she's surprised.

Daphne is, too. And touched. So much so that when Justin runs his hand along Kayla's arm, down her hand, to her fingers, slips one of his into the crook her hand makes, and asks softly, "Can I hold her?" Daphne nods. For a moment, she forgets about Ken and the adoption papers. Her eyes widen when he lifts her gently into his arms and, without thinking, rubs her back and bounces her softly, all the while walking. His parenting, natural and effortless. She smiles when he lilts, "Hi. I'm Justin." Aches at the word he doesn't say. And laughs when Kayla looks down and then back up, all shy, and responds, "Hi. I'm Kayla."

And for a moment, Daphne is wishing again. Wishing for things she'd resigned herself a long time ago to not having. Not with Justin.

Justin's sitting on the couch now, Kayla on his lap, a book open in front of them.

Oh God.

"Do you recognize her?

For a moment, Justin has forgotten, too. Forgotten about Daphne's three-year absence. Forgotten about milestones he missed, time he'll never get back.

"Mamma."

"She's pretty, huh?"

Kayla traces a finger across sketch-Daphne's face, smudging her lips. She repeats, "Pretty," but it sounds more like "Pre-y."

Daphne swallows hard and shakes her head, slowly, as though waking from a deep sleep. Then she walks over to Justin and says woodenly, "We need to go." She takes Kayla's hand and guides her as she steps down back onto the floor. "The papers are on the counter. Sign them. I'll be back."

Justin simply gapes.

The metal on metal of the loft door's sliding shut grates. Issuing a grinding sound. One that only Justin hears. Sparking a chain of shivers that chugs up his spine and then ripples throughout his body. Grinding. And painful shocks. Justin rolls his shoulders and winces.

The grinding resounds and echoes. Justin covers his ears. Why is it so loud?

Then there's nothing. No sound. His chest so tight, his breath coming in gasps. Dizzy. He closes his eyes. Focuses on breathing. In. Out. In. Out. A less threatening shiver. He shakes his head and lets it fall. More breathing. In. Out. In. Out. Nothing exists. Nothing but the soft rush of air.

So he has no idea that Brian had made coffee until he feels the slick red ceramic cup being pushed into his hands. It's hot. But Justin doesn't really feel it. He looks up at Brian, who is kneeling, and tries to smile. He rattles off the random fact he has filed under coffee: "Some researchers conducted an experiment involving coffee … on rats …" But his heart's not in it. His words come out in a monotone. "The rats they'd given coffee to were more … uh … amorous than the control group." Justin blushes slightly. But it's automatic. He doesn't feel the heat surging, racing up his chest to his face and radiating outward, down along his arms and legs, back down to his groin.

Brian sighs and smiles faintly. That, too, is automatic. He doesn't feel the customary nudge of annoyance … and the antithetical yet always accompanying warmth upon which is carried a chuckle and a murmur, "Twat." Even if only in his head.

Sometimes the chuckle-murmur is voiced. Always followed by wide eyes, flushed skin, and a defensive exclamation, "What?" Then pushing, plunging, biting. Fisted hair. Too much space to close. At the memory (the last random fact was that Eratosthenes calculated the circumference of the Earth using a rod—a term that gave Brian a giggle—and simple trigonometry in 240 BC), Brian's cock stirs. When embarrassed and turned on, Justin radiates so much heat … it's like standing near an inferno and trying to breathe. Actually makes Brian feel dizzy. Intoxicated. But with a heightened consciousness. Never more aware of every neuron firing. Unconsciously, Brian slides his hand up the back of Justin's neck and threads his fingers through Justin's hair. His breathing is suddenly ragged. And his dick rock hard.

Justin is still largely unaware of everything. A condition that is not lost on Brian. He sighs, lets his hand drift back to Justin's neck, and then holds it there, tracing a finger lightly up and down the curve of Justin's neck.

Justin sips his coffee. A mmm that's like a hum. Another automatic reaction. But Brian doesn't know that. He grits his teeth.

But the 'hurt' of Justin's rejection (not that Brian would acknowledge its existence) fades with Justin's fading voice, "I … I don't know if I can do this."

Brian rolls his lips into his mouth. Then he declares, matter-of-factly, "You can."

Justin laughs. Well, he tries to laugh. It comes out more choking than musical. Justin thinks bitterly, Brian has no idea.

"If James, the shy near-hermit-like artist, can go all Ralphie on a bunch of angry homophobic soccer players, well one of them, then you can do 'this.' Whatever that means."

"I'm not James." Justin lets his head fall.

Brian lifts Justin's chin with a finger. His eyes are intense. Almost angry. "You said …"

Justin flinches away from Brian's touch, his space, and then stands abruptly. He thrusts his mug onto the coffee table and threads his fingers into his hair, pulling it hard. "Look, I know. I know. And on a good day, I believe it. I believe that James isn't my best self, a much stronger version of me. But now … I don't … I can't." He removes his hands from his hair, gestures wildly, and spins around. A defeated "I'm sorry."

Brian tries to pull Justin into his arms. But Justin wriggles away and then takes two steps back. He can't bear to be touched when he's this far gone.

Brian's not hurt by this. Nope. He soldiers on. "You were honest with Ian. You put up with up with Deb and Mikey … You went to the hearing."

Suddenly Justin is shouting. The suddenness of the outburst and the sharpness of his voice startle even him. "You don't get it! This is worse than everything! It's like every horrible thing that's ever happened to me all wrapped up into one! I can't! I can't do this!"

Brian is stunned. A rare state for him. But after their talk about the bashing … Brian can't imagine anything worse. "What the fuck did she say to you?"

TBC…


End file.
